Rabbit Control

July 16, 2011 admin Leave a comment

We are in desperate need of rabbit control on our backwoods property, but it’s going to be a huge job. We have a small cabin in the middle of the woods about a three-hour drive from our home. It’s been our haven, our little getaway, to take us out of the hustle and bustle of our jobs and all the errands and work we have to do around our home. Since it’s not too far, we can easily go there for the weekend, and just enjoy the solitude and quiet of the mountains. We’ve also used it as a base when we go hunting, but as we’ve gotten older, we go there with all the intentions of hunting, and end up spending more hours with a fishing line in the nearby lake or just sitting on the porch with a half-forgotten book on our laps as we talk or sit silently listening to the birds.

Even when we’ve gone through some difficult financial times, we clung to our private backwoods property. Of course, having a cabin in the woods means we have also had our share of dealing with wild animals, mostly raccoons or skunks. And, we’ve taken care of those situations as they came up. Lately, though, we have noticed a serious need for rabbit control in the area. This year, the rabbit population pretty much exploded, and the woods are teeming with wild bunnies. It was cute, at first, because we’d go to the cabin on the weekend and watch rabbits bounding happily through the undergrowth just beyond our porch. Some would even venture up onto the wooden steps, noses twitching at our sandwiches.

Soon, though, we started planning in a couple of extra hours into our weekend trips. It was necessary, because we had to do some rabbit control as soon as we arrived before we could start relaxing. Inevitably, we’d have to chase some rabbits out of the cabin, sweep out rabbit droppings, and take extra precautions to rabbit-proof the area, including our truck. It was starting to get annoying.

Then, we noticed the damage to the trees around the area. Young juniper trees were stripped of their bark, all the way around the trunk. That was opening the trees up to disease, which meant we could have more dead trees than usual surrounding our cabin. Dead trees can fall on a roof, which means a lot of repair. It was starting to get dangerous.

One weekend, we arrived, and found a spot of animal blood on the porch, some matted rabbit fur, and, a little distance off, some scat that looked like it might have been dropped by a bobcat. We realized that our little spot of heaven, with all of its wild rabbits, was attracting some very unwanted animals. It was starting to get really dangerous.

So, now we’re looking into hiring real trappers for some rabbit control in the area. It’s the only thing we can think of to make sure we can continue relaxing at our weekend haven instead of worrying about stepping on rabbit droppings, falling trees, or hungry predators.

Bees

Honeybee Control

July 15, 2011 admin Leave a comment

“You will absolutely have to have honeybee control come in and remove the honeybees before the big day.” The wedding planner was overseeing all the final plans for her client’s wedding day, and had run into a snag. Dressed in a tight white skirt and breezy blue blouse, she didn’t seem to mind walking around the nature center in her extremely high heels and perfectly styled hair that was held in place by a little too much hairspray. She had already demanded that certain trees be trimmed and a walkway be repaired. Her client was wealthy, demanding, and could make her career if she did this right. Her client had insisted on renting out an entire nature center, because she was charmed by its beautiful setting. Unfortunately, her client wasn’t really a true nature lover, and was adamant that no wild animals or birds ruin her special day. So, in addition to all the other many, many unpredictable things that could go wrong, the wedding planner had to worry about weather, birds, insects and animals.

“But, that’s in three days. I’m not sure we can get someone out here to do honeybee control fast enough.”

“Look at me. I have faith in you. If you do this right, we could be working together again for a lot of other really rich brides. A lot of wedding events here means a lot of money for the center, which means you get to expand the exhibits you’ve been telling me about.”

The nature center manager was a kindly, older man whose passion had always been to help other people, especially children, love the outdoors as much as he did. The wedding planner was right. This was an excellent opportunity to bring in potential income, as much of his public funding had been diverted to building roads instead of expanding the nature center.

But, first, they had to get honeybee control in here. The bees had lived in the walls of one of the out buildings for a few years, and had built a very large colony. Truth be told, the center had already received a few complaints from visitors. The visitors to the park enjoyed the fields of wild flowers and watching the butterflies and bees that hummed and flew from place to place, but this particular honeybee hive was close enough to a popular picnic spot. In fact, the wide expanse of grass framed by tall trees was the chosen spot for the upcoming wedding, and the planner feared guests and the bridal party would be too busy waving bees away to fully enjoy the ceremony. Something had to be done. Honeybee control had to come in and get rid of the bees in order for the park to generate more funds. If it was done carefully and properly, the bees could be relocated to a safer and more remote area of the park, but it would have to be done quickly if the wedding was to go on as planned.

Opossums

Opossum Control

July 14, 2011 admin Leave a comment

As the supervisor of a large apartment complex, I take care of a lot of things, from leaky toilets to cleaning the streets to fixing air conditioners, but opossum control is a new one on me.

I got a call from one of my favorite tenants. Mrs. Hernandez is a sweet older widow who always takes the time to say “hello” to her neighbors and remembers details about their life. “How is your sick puppy, Rocco?” she asks the oldest Johnson boy. Or, “How was your job interview?” she asks Brandon Thompson. But, she never goes on and on about her own life or pulls out pictures of her grandchildren without being asked. She even organized an apartment-wide barbeque a couple of weeks ago, and got more people to come than I had expected. She has a special way about her that just makes you love her.

She rarely calls me with any needs, because she told me she doesn’t like to impose. I’ve insisted that it is not only my job to fix things in her apartment, but it is my pleasure to help her out. But, she still hesitates, so I like to stop by and check in on her every week to make sure everything’s running smoothly.

So, I was surprised when she called me this morning. I was doubly surprised when she said, “I really don’t know how to say this, but I think I need opossum control or a plumber.” Confused, I decided to investigate it myself before calling a professional opossum removal service or a plumber, and grabbed my ever-ready tool bag and thick gloves.

When I got there, she looked embarrassed as she led me back to her bathroom and directed my attention to her tub. A tiny opossum baby was actually stuck inside the drain. Its hind legs had slipped in between the large drain holes. Every time it struggled to free itself, its tiny paws would just slip on the wet tub surface, and it would slip down just a little further.

Mrs. Hernandez said she had no idea where the mother was or how the opossum even got inside her apartment. She and I agreed it probably got separated from its mother and then crawled in through her open window. This was definitely a first for me, though. I considered doing my own opossum control, by putting on the thick gloves, pulling the animal out of the drain, and popping it in the tool box to safely take it outside. But, what would I do with it once I got it outside? If I just released it, would it die alone? Would it be easy prey for other animals? Mrs. Hernandez had obviously considered this, too, and she was mortified at the idea of a helpless baby opossum. Partly to ease my own conscience and partly to appease sweet Mrs. Hernandez, I agreed to call a professional opossum removal service. Mrs. Hernandez even made me some ice tea as we waited for them to arrive.

Squirrels

Squirrel Control

July 13, 2011 admin Leave a comment

I watched, horrified, as the guy who was the squirrel control expert, pulled the cover off of our ceiling fan.

Over the last few weeks, I’d noticed an odd smell in the house, and I just couldn’t locate the source no matter how often I went through the house sniffing and seeking. The fan was behind a vent-like cover that pulled warm air up and out of the ceiling and out of the house. Then, the fleas came.

Now, I keep a very clean home. As my children grew up, they always complained about my strict rules, making them clean up their rooms, pick up toys, and help me keep the house nice and tidy. I wasn’t over the top about it, but it was important to me, and it kept my children as healthy as children can be. Sure, they complained about it while growing up, but I have noticed that each and every one of them, with the exception of my youngest, keeps a neat and orderly home. My youngest rebelled a bit, and doesn’t care as much about clutter in her home, but she’s a happy and successful woman, so I try not to worry too much about it when I go to visit.

So, you can imagine how horrified I was to have first a mysterious smell, and then fleas. Fleas! In my home! That just wouldn’t do at all. First, I had an insect control company come out to fumigate, but the gentleman who came suggested that I might look for the root of the problem first, before they got rid of the fleas. So, I called the animal control company he suggested, and my squirrel control expert arrived. He had listened to my explanations over the phone, and was certain that there was some wild animal in my ceiling, and I would most likely need squirrel control services, given the time of year and the location of my home.

I honestly didn’t care about the time of year or the number of trees surrounding my home. I just wanted whatever it was gone. Out of my house. Then, I could get rid of the fleas and go back to having a beautifully clean home.

So, when he pulled back the vent covering the ceiling fan, I could not believe the amount of nesting materials that fell down around his ears. I was horrified and fascinated all at the same time. He had been right. Squirrel control was needed, because it was a nest of baby squirrels. Mama squirrel was running around up there somewhere still, probably mad as heck. He got rid of the squirrel nest, being careful with the babies, and used his squirrel control expertise to trap mama squirrel. Once that was done, I got the fumigators out to my house, got rid of the fleas, and then went in and sterilized my entire home, hoping I’d never have to deal with squirrel control again.

Gophers

Gopher Control

July 12, 2011 admin Leave a comment

“Son, what I’m about to show you is vital gopher control information, or as I like to call them, rodents of mass destruction.”

It looked like my granddad wanted me to perk up and be all ears for this vital piece of information he was going to share with me. He had worked this farm all of his life, and had been disappointed and proud when his only son, my father, wanted to become a lawyer instead of a farmer. I don’t know if my father wanted to make up for this somehow by sending me to live with my granddad for a few summers, or if he really thought it would help me become a better man, but for whatever reason, here I was stuck on this hot, dry patch of earth for the summer instead of hanging out at the beach with my friends.

Last year, when I arrived, my grandmother greeted me with a huge smile, an even bigger hug, and a large lunch before sending me out to work alongside my granddad as he cleared debris out of the canal. It wasn’t exactly what a thirteen year-old boy wanted to do after a long and lonely plane trip to the middle of nowhere. I would have much rather spent the afternoon adjusting to farm life by playing a few computer games and then going into town to meet some of the local kids and try to have fun. As it was, it was two weeks before I even got into town. Everyone kind of dubbed me a snob from a big city, so it wasn’t until the very end of the summer that I actually made a couple of friends.

We hadn’t kept in touch after I left, but here I was again, looking at another dismal summer doing farm work for which I was completely unprepared. My surfer muscles didn’t really help me pitch hay, although my granddad was impressed that I was “strong enough to last longer than last year.”

But, now, the two of us were standing in the middle of a field dotted with small gopher hills. Granddad had already shared with me his impressive cussing skills, when one of his monstrous farm machines ran over one too many gopher hills and broke. Now, he was going to impart his wisdom regarding gopher control to me, and acted like he was giving me a major gift that would help improve my life tremendously.

“Son, I’ve tried all the tricks. Oil, poison, traps. I’ve sunk a lot of money this last year into gopher control, and I have finally found the secret.” He reached into his pocket, where I assumed he’d hidden some secret vial of goop he’d cooked up. Instead, he pulled out a cell phone, called a gopher control service, hung up and looked at me. “Nothing to be done for the rest of the day until they get rid of the gophers for me. How bout going into town for some ice cream?”

I never thought I’d be grateful for gophers, but I sure was that day!

Rats

Rat Control

July 11, 2011 admin Leave a comment

“I’m calling my boyfriend, because he’ll know what to do about rat control!” Tish, who was normally so sweet, nearly screeched this sentence. I had come home late from working a long shift at the campus library, and had nothing but a couple of hours of study ahead of me. But, when I walked in our front door, I nearly tripped over a pile of furniture and various belongings forming a maze throughout the small house we all rented together.

At first, I thought my roomies were playing a practical joke on me. Last week, three of us had packed up all of Trish’s belongings, including her bedding, and left a note on her bare floor that read, “We’ll miss you.” She’d walked in, taken one look at the empty room, and burst out laughing. It was the kind of thing we all did to each other, so it was no wonder that I mistook my roomies’ maze of household items as a practical joke.

And, I have to admit, I didn’t believe them at first when they told me they were doing rat control. I thought it was more of the joke.

But, when I saw the rat streaking across the room, leaping over the turned-over ironing board and a box that had once held file folders, I just about leaped out of my skin. Over the course of the next hour and a half, the four of us tried unsuccessfully to perform rat control ourselves, but Trish was right. It was time to bring in a guy, as much as we hated to admit it.

Once Trish’s boyfriend arrived, he couldn’t stop laughing at my roommates’ maze, and I have to admit, I was a little fuzzy as to why they thought they needed to make a maze. Apparently, they had discovered a rat in the couch, and built a pathway to the front door, in hopes the rat would leave the couch, follow the path, and go outside. Unfortunately, after they banged on the couch with a broom, that rat ran out and leaped up and over the walls of the maze. So, instead of leading the rat safely outside, all the belongings scattered on the floor only served to add to the chaos as we all tripped over things trying to flush out the rat and then run away from it at the same time.

Rat control was not our strong point. Unfortunately, it wasn’t something Trish’s boyfriend did, either. I think he only made it worse, by laughing at us and making the rat even more frenzied than before.

After another forty-five minutes of fruitlessly chasing the rat and running away from it, we finally decided we had to call a professional rat control service. After all, where there is one rat, there may be many more. And, I didn’t want to live in a rat maze anymore than a rat did.

Voles

Vole Control

July 10, 2011 admin Leave a comment

As a vole, I am terrified at any efforts at vole control. I’ve learned, through watching vole neighbors, brothers and sisters, that most vole control means a swift and sure death for us. I’m not an adventurous sort. I have kept a mental list of all the vole extermination methods used, vole traps, vole poison, and everything else, just so I can avoid them.

Some of my cousins, and even some of the local rats and gophers, make fun of me. They call me a worry-wart, and tell me I’m more likely to die of a heart attack when I hear a loud noise than I will of any vole control method. That may be true, and they can make fun all they like. I intend on staying alive.

Some of the more unwise rodents dig tunnels through people’s yards, which is a sure-fire way to attract attention to us. They end up destroying the grass, creating tunnels that look like brown dead trails on the surface. Or, they eat flower bulbs that people have planted so carefully, or garden vegetables. I’m told that people’s yards are beautiful, lush places where the ground is soft from constant watering, roots, flowers and garden plants are tender and juicy, and the people actually keep our natural predators away, as much as they can. So, there’s not as big a threat from snakes, raccoons or other creatures that prefer a meal of voles rather than a nice juicy mouthful of plant roots. I’ve noted, however, in my intense observations, that these predators will come anyway, when there is a high population of voles. Lots of voles equals more determined predators, whether or not people want them there.

So, while I may not enjoy the juicier eatings, dig in the easier dirt, and while I may live a more solitary life, I have stayed alive much longer than most of my compatriots. In fact, I just located a perfect place to live. It is in someone’s yard, but it’s far, far away from the home, so I doubt even the household cat will become aware of my presence. There is a wonderful compost pile right up against a sturdy fence. A black tarp covers it, so I’m afforded warmth during the winter and protection from rain or snow. Occasionally, the people will troop back to my pile, pull back the tarp, and dump delicious fresh plants on the top.

It’s hard not to feel superior at times. I am wise enough to avoid vole control methods employed by the same people who bring me offerings of food and provide me a safe place to live. If I can make sure they never learn of my existence, I could live a very long and healthy, fat life.

Woodpeckers

Woodpecker Control

July 9, 2011 admin Leave a comment

I am so very clever to have outwitted a cat, that surely no woodpecker control will work on my superior bird mind. Here I am, roosting just within the cat’s reach. I flaunt my amazing abilities directly in the feline face.

It began so innocently, before I was even aware a cat lived here. Woodpeckers, just like me, were searching for the most ideal place to nest and feast. Some stuck to the woods, more secure in the tried and true tree trunks. Some drummed high up off the ground, on building roofs, tentatively tapping on the very top of buildings to find a safe place to open up a hole and nest inside. But, me, I love adventure. I love a thrill. I love to see just how far I can go, and then go a little further. There is no woodpecker control where I am concerned. I just am, and everyone else must deal with it.

I flew right under a porch, testing out each support beam until I found one with a pleasing enough hollow sound. But, oh, so clever little me, I chose the perfect little spot to tear into right at the base of that beam. With a sharp eye out for any predators, I used my elegant and wonderfully sharp and hard beak to open up a tiny crack. Then, I peered inside to make sure my instincts were correct. Oh, yes, it was perfectly safe inside. With persistent tapping, I created a hole barely large enough to allow my little bird body inside. And, then, I crawled inside and explored my new home. Just as I thought, it was absolutely perfect for me. Dry, warm enough, with a small enough hole to protect me and my young ones from most tenacious predators. That is, if the predators were daring or even smart enough to pursue us, which I highly doubted. The genius of it was, I could build my nest up high enough inside to fully protect the little woodpeckers, and if any predator stuck a paw inside, I could just retreat even higher into the hollow beam, and stay completely safe.

That’s when I found out about the cat. It just makes me want to laugh. They thought that stupid feline was good at woodpecker control? Please. It took a day before it even discovered my presence. Even then, it was so confused about what to do with a bird that was so daring as to build the opening to its nest so close to the ground. For another half-day, all it could do was sniff around, and try to put its scent on the beam. As if that would make me leave. I felt so daring around this dumb animal that I would even stick my head out of the hole when it was right there, and it didn’t do a darn thing!

No, these humans are going to have to do better than a cat to get rid of me. Woodpecker control, indeed.

Skunks

Skunk Control

July 8, 2011 admin Leave a comment

“Dad! Dad! Dad! Call Skunk Control right now!! There’s a skunk in the house!”

I was working at home, because my wife was really sick today and was resting in our darkened bedroom with a cool washcloth over her eyes. To be honest, I hadn’t really needed to stay home. Our two girls are twelve and ten, and can pretty much take care of themselves, but they still needed someone to drive them to and from school, and I wanted to be available to get whatever my wife needed. She rarely got sick. In fact, the last time she was this sick was over three years ago. But, I liked to really pamper her and take worries off her mind so that she could get well quickly. She is the rock of our family, and we just don’t function very well without her.

So, when I heard my twelve year-old daughter, Kenzie, yelling about skunk control, I rushed right out of the home office. “Shhhh! Don’t wake your mom! Now, show me what you’re talking about.”

My ten year old, Baylee, was holding her phone up, recording the whole thing. “This is sooo cool!” she grinned.

“Dad. It’s in the kitchen. You have GOT to call skunk control right now.”

I started to walk towards the kitchen, my two pre-teen girls trailing behind me, alternating between squeaking with alarm, shushing each other, and giggling with excitement. Ah, to be young again.

But, when I opened the kitchen door, it was skunk-free. Kenzie jumped up into a nearby chair, squealing as softly as she could, “Where is it? Where is it?” Baylee just kept recording.

I picked up a broom and started walking from room to room. Kenzie had jumped down from her perch to trail me, along with my video-recording Baylee. There! It huddled in the living room, tucked between the loveseat and side table. I froze, unsure of what to do next, as Kenzie whispered, “Don’t scare it, Dad. It’ll spray.” That’s exactly what had been going through my mind. If it sprayed in here, we would have to replace everything from the carpet to the furniture to the drapes.

The skunk caught sight of us, and decided it had enough. It walked across the living room floor, bold and waddling its behind at us, as if to say it wasn’t worried about us at all. The three of us followed at a distance, but I knew we’d all get sprayed if it decided it had to defend itself. It was heading back towards the kitchen, so I urgently whispered to Kenzie that she needed to go the other way, back into the kitchen before it got there, and open up the door to the garage. “Now!” I urged her. She took off, threw the door open, and got out of the way just as the skunk walked into the garage.

“Baylee, give me your phone.”

“But, Dad, I’m still filming.”

“Baylee, give me the phone. It’s time to call skunk control.”

As she did, my wife called down the stairs. “Honey, what’s going on?”

“Nothing!” I yelled out, as I glared at my daughters, willing them to stay silent on the matter. Skunk control would take care of this first, and then I’ll let my wife know.

Pigeons

Pigeon Control

July 7, 2011 admin Leave a comment

My brother’s nuts, because he thinks the pigeons in our bedroom are a sign of good luck, but I know it’s better to get pigeon control in here immediately.

We live in a typical big apartment building, devoid of any personality. From the outside, it’s just an ugly white, broken up by tiny black windows, fire escape ladders, and streaks of bird droppings. It has even less personality on the inside, where ancient floors echo footsteps off white walls, and the doors leading to individual apartments are decorated only by little black numbers.

It’s a whole different world inside our apartment, though. Mom doesn’t make a lot of extra money at her job, so it’s not like we had an interior designer come through to transform our small, two-bedroom apartment into a sanctuary from the world. But, Mom sure does believe in color, and she’s draped bright red curtains over the windows, painted our room an eye-searing blue, and she’s filled every shelf with brightly colored glass knick-knacks.

My brother’s turning ten next week, and the only thing he’s begged for is a pet. I know that’s not going to happen, and Mom’s even explained to him we can’t have a pet in this small apartment. It would stink, we don’t have room for a pet, and worst of all, my brother’s allergic.

So, I can’t really blame him when he thought his birthday wish came true early. He loves to open our bedroom window to hear all the noises of the kids playing in the playground below, and to his delight, two pigeons flew in the open window. Once the pigeons were in, he slammed the window shut. The pigeons didn’t seem to mind too much. They just walked around on the window sill and cooed every now and then.

As soon as I realized what happened, I went to call the building supervisor so he could get pigeon control up to our apartment whenever he got around to it. I knew Mom would have a fit if she came home from work tonight to find two pigeons in the house. Already, there was an ugly stain on the wall under the window, and I swore I would not be the one to clean it up. My brother was rushing around the kitchen looking for old bread and a bag of sunflower seeds he swore was in the cupboard, while I yelled at him that we had to let pigeon control take care of the problem. He kept yelling back that the pigeons were not a problem, that they were his birthday pigeons, so I should just shut up.

When my brother’s got something in mind, he’s super stubborn, so I just sighed. The guys who come up to do pigeon control can deal with my brother. I did my part, I dunno who’s gonna clean up the mess, but it ain’t gonna be me. I just laid back down on the couch with my book and waited for either pigeon control or Mom to come home, whichever came first.

Trapper Tails