Tag Archives: get rid of gophers

Gophers in Yard

gopher1

Brent worked really hard to come across as a real manly man, sometimes a little too hard, and sometimes not hard enough.  He was, unfortunately, one of those guys who just wasn’t comfortable as himself, in his own skin, so he thought he had to be like a character from some television show in order for people to respect him.  He went for the bad boy biker look, which was a bad choice for him.

He wore faded jeans and a black t-shirt with holes in it, but everything was extremely clean and had a Febreeze smell to it.  He grew a long beard, but trimmed it so carefully into its shape that it was just a facial contradiction.  And the dark black sunglasses he wore everywhere, even indoors, cost him all of two dollars at a gas station somewhere.  His home was full of porcelain knick knacks that he couldn’t bear to throw out after his mother passed away, and a collection of lunch boxes from the seventies and eighties.

So, when the nuisance wildlife control professional showed up at his door to get rid of the gophers in his yard, he was more than confused.  At first glance, this stringy thirty-five year old who answered the door seemed like he wasn’t the kind to seek out a professional to get rid of gophers.  He looked like he was the kind of loud, beer-guzzling jerk who would pull out a high powered rifle, aim it at any critters crossing his yard, and yee-haw his way into the hospital.  But, as soon as Brent started explaining the problem he had with gophers, it was a whole new matter.

“See, man,” Brent started, “Look over there, man, and you’ll see, like, five different holes, right there in the dirt.”

Indeed, there were five holes with all the tell-tale signs of gopher activity.

Continuing in a voice that cracked occasionally, Brent said, “And, look, man, see I don’t want to get all girly, but those gophers are creepy looking.  I saw one of ‘em come right out of the hole, right when I was standin’ there.  And, it just looked at me, like it was daring me to do something.  I think I saw something like that out of an aliens movie once, ya know, man?  And, like, they’re just under our feet, right, just breathing and eating and doing, doing, like, gopher stuff, man.  Plus, I’ve tripped like eight times when I try to mow the lawn, and I think I pulled something.  It’s just bad, just nasty, am I right?”

As soon as Brent saw the gentleman from the wildlife control company unload his equipment from his truck, he knew he’d be safe.  He adjusted his dark glasses, pulled on his beard, and sauntered back into his home.  It was time to dust Mom’s old knick-knacks.

Get Rid of Gophers

how to get rid of gophers

I’m just trying to make a few extra bucks where I can so I can save up for our band trip to Europe this summer, so why am I stuck out here trying to teach someone how to get rid of gophers?  I mow lawns, lady.  That’s it.  If I think you have a gopher problem, I’ll tell you I think you have a gopher problem.  But, I don’t know how to get rid of gophers, so quit acting like I’m your own personal Wikipedia of gopher knowledge.

I hated the French horn when my mom handed it to me, but it was the only instrument we owned, and we don’t have enough to buy or rent another one.  So, guess what?  I learned how to play the French horn.  Turned out it was pretty cool after all.  I mean, not cool like popular.  But, cool for band people.  Not a lot of people play the French horn, and definitely not a lot of girls.  Plus, I’m good.  I practice a lot.  Now that I’m a junior, I’m first chair, and I got invited to join a county band that performs three times a year.  We got good enough that our county band was invited to play a few places in Western Europe, and I am so excited.

Gopher digging a hole.
Gopher digging holes in a lawn.
(Artwork by Sharon Davis. Contact us for her contact info.)

Course, when I told my parents, they were totally happy for me, but I could tell they were also worried about how much it would cost.  The trip’s next year, so I have a long time to work and save up money.  I’m pretty sure I can do it.

So, that’s what my mind’s on.  School, band, making money for the Europe trip.  Not on how to get rid of gophers.  I babysit year-round, I walk dogs, I house sit, I mow lawns this spring and summer, I’ll rake leaves in the fall, and I’ll shovel walkways in the winter.

This lady is actually pretty cool to me.  She pays me right away, and even gives me tips and brings drinks out to me.  She’s not at home a lot, she says, and she hates taking care of her yard.  So, she also hires me to pull weeds and stuff, because she doesn’t like to do it herself.

But, last week and today I noticed big huge holes in her yard, with dirt sprayed out like a fan around mounds of dirt.  Last week, I thought a dog had just dug around, but I did some online research over the week, and realized I’d seen gopher holes in her yard.  She needed to do something to get rid of gophers.  And, I told her so.  Then, she told me she’d pay me extra to get rid of gophers for her.  Uh, not really my thing.  Mowing, yes.  Pulling weeds, yes.  Gophers, no.

So, then she started asking me all these questions about gophers, how to get rid of gophers, when are gophers most busy, and on and on.  I have no idea.  But, fortunately, I know who does.  I gave her the number for Allstate Animal Control, and she gave me an extra couple of bucks for the info.  Hey, every little bit counts.  Europe, here I come!

Get Rid of Gophers

gopher removal

My job is to get rid of gophers, so I will never, ever be able to stop the jokes.   I’m pretty new at this animal control company.  We specialize in trapping animals, getting rid of wild animals, getting snakes out of people’s homes or businesses, taking care of bird problems, and yard pests like voles or moles.  Since I’m new, they started me out on the easier animals.  I’ve assisted the more experienced guys with trapping skunks or opossum control, but that’s all I’ve done with the larger wild animals – assist.

Until I get more experience, right now I’m the guy who’s always sent out to trap the smaller, less vicious animals, like mice or moles.  I get rid of gophers, for example.  And, I’ve gotten really good at it, too.  I learned on the job, and now I’ve developed my own technique that makes me really efficient, and I started getting some respect from some of my co-workers.

And then, the gopher attacked.

Most of the time, I use gopher traps that humanely kill the gopher on impact.  It gets rid of gophers effectively.  People get so sick of gophers digging through their yards or gardens, killing off plants and grass, and throwing big mounds of dirt all over the place.  Lawn mower blades get broken, kids or animals can step in the holes and hurt themselves, and predators are attracted to homes or yards where gophers live.  So, it is a real service that I provide.

One day, as I was setting gopher traps to get rid of gophers out of a cornfield, a gopher actually crawled up out of its hole and walked right up to me, finally perching on my boot.  I looked at it really closely, and it didn’t look sick or anything.  When I shooed it off, it went off a little ways, and then jumped right up into my truck.  Weirdest thing I’d ever seen a gopher do.  But, it wasn’t hurting anything.  So, I finished setting the traps, got into my truck, and headed back into the office, keeping an eye on the creature.  The little thing just hung out on the floor on the passenger’s side of the truck, cute as could be.  I figured I’d take it into the office and let the guys see it for themselves, and then get rid of the gopher.

I carried it in the office, with thick gloves on my hands, and even the lady who helps with billing thought it was cute.  But, wouldn’t you know, the thing leaped out of my hands, and then ran around on the floor, leaping and actually kind of gnashing at my feet, if gophers can gnash.  It just surprised me, is all, and that’s the only reason I fell backwards over a chair.  It ran over my chest, which made me swat at it like a crazy man, while all the other guys just stood there laughing.  Finally, I composed myself enough to stand up, put the chair back, and catch the little troublemaker.

The guys awarded me a t-shirt that says “I survived a gopher attack,” which I proudly wear all the time now.

Gopher Control

get rid of gophers

“Son, what I’m about to show you is vital gopher control information, or as I like to call them, rodents of mass destruction.”

It looked like my granddad wanted me to perk up and be all ears for this vital piece of information he was going to share with me.  He had worked this farm all of his life, and had been disappointed and proud when his only son, my father, wanted to become a lawyer instead of a farmer.  I don’t know if my father wanted to make up for this somehow by sending me to live with my granddad for a few summers, or if he really thought it would help me become a better man, but for whatever reason, here I was stuck on this hot, dry patch of earth for the summer instead of hanging out at the beach with my friends.

Last year, when I arrived, my grandmother greeted me with a huge smile, an even bigger hug, and a large lunch before sending me out to work alongside my granddad as he cleared debris out of the canal.  It wasn’t exactly what a thirteen year-old boy wanted to do after a long and lonely plane trip to the middle of nowhere.  I would have much rather spent the afternoon adjusting to farm life by playing a few computer games and then going into town to meet some of the local kids and try to have fun.  As it was, it was two weeks before I even got into town.  Everyone kind of dubbed me a snob from a big city, so it wasn’t until the very end of the summer that I actually made a couple of friends.

We hadn’t kept in touch after I left, but here I was again, looking at another dismal summer doing farm work for which I was completely unprepared.  My surfer muscles didn’t really help me pitch hay, although my granddad was impressed that I was “strong enough to last longer than last year.”

But, now, the two of us were standing in the middle of a field dotted with small gopher hills.  Granddad had already shared with me his impressive cussing skills, when one of his monstrous farm machines ran over one too many gopher hills and broke.  Now, he was going to impart his wisdom regarding gopher control to me, and acted like he was giving me a major gift that would help improve my life tremendously.

“Son, I’ve tried all the tricks.  Oil, poison, traps.  I’ve sunk a lot of money this last year into gopher control, and I have finally found the secret.”  He reached into his pocket, where I assumed he’d hidden some secret vial of goop he’d cooked up.  Instead, he pulled out a cell phone, called a gopher control service, hung up and looked at me.  “Nothing to be done for the rest of the day until they get rid of the gophers for me.  How bout going into town for some ice cream?”

I never thought I’d be grateful for gophers, but I sure was that day!

Gopher Removal

gopher removal

It seems like gopher removal is a consistent, on-going battle for a lot of residents in our area, and I’m determined to get rid of gophers once and for all off of my property.  My wife and I bought our three-plus acres several years ago with its farmhouse-style home, and have worked extremely hard to upgrade the house to our standards.  We bought the property because we fell in love with the area and landscaping.  If it meant nearly gutting the existing home and remodeling it, then we were willing to take on the job just to have that property.

The yard is gorgeous.  We have a pool area, adjacent to a Chinese-style garden with meandering pathways and stone benches.  Out behind the area, it’s a natural forest area with tall long-needle pine trees.  It’s the perfect multi-purpose backyard.  We can throw lavish dinner parties under the stars, or family barbeques, or quiet picnics amongst the trees.  Now that we’ve devoted a lot of time and expense to remodeling the house to match the beauty of the backyard, we plan on settling in and living here for the rest of our life.

But, now our gorgeous yard is marred by gopher hills, and we are in desperate need of gopher removal.  Mounds of dirt litter the grass, stones from our Chinese-garden pathways are getting pushed up, and some of the long-needle pine trees are dying.  I’m certain the gophers are eating the roots of the trees.  It’s astonishing how many gopher holes there are, too, and more spring up every day.

It’s annoying that we can’t even see the gophers destroying our property.  How do you remove gophers when they won’t even show themselves?  All we get to see is the damage and dying plants.  Sometimes, if you listen, you can actually hear them digging under foot, or spot the tip of a gopher nose sticking out of a hole.  We have no idea how many there are, but it’s obvious we have to get gopher removal specialists out here soon or our beautiful backyard sanctuary will be completely destroyed.  How can you host a pool party or elegant outdoor dinner party when you’re terrified someone will catch a foot in one of those gopher holes and trip?

After talking with some of my neighbors, I found out that this has apparently been a problem on and off for years.  Most of my fellow residents have just come to accept it as a fact of life out here.  I may be a newcomer to this area, but I refuse to accept life alongside destructive gophers.  I’ve tried to get rid of the gophers myself, but obviously I’m fighting a losing battle.  It’s time to bring out the big guns and get a professional gopher removal service out here to take care of them for me.  Maybe I can convince some neighbors to hire them, too, so we can enjoy a gopher-free neighborhood once and for all.

Dead Gopher

I thought gopher holes were bad enough, but a dead gopher in the flower bed is pretty nasty.  It’d be great news if it were the only gopher I’ve been fighting, but I’ve been fighting a losing battle with gophers for about two years running, and I know there’s a lot more out there than just this one.

I’ve spent a lot of years maintaining the landscaping around this historical home.  The place is now run as a museum, and there are a few caretakers, but I’m the only one who tends to the yard, the gardens and the flower beds.  I’ve taken a lot of pride in making sure the place looks pristine from the outside, making sure everything looks just perfect when a tour bus rolls up or some nice family from a few states over stop by during their road trip.  That’s why I got so mad when I showed up for work one day and discovered gopher holes all over the side yard.  Big mounds of fresh dirt were like scars on the deep green grass I had so carefully tended.  Going over to investigate, sure enough, there were little plugs of grass and roots in the holes, a sure sign some gopher’s been tunneling down there and throwing the dirt up around the gopher holes.

Mad as heck, I thought I could take care of a little gopher problem.  I didn’t want it turning into a big gopher problem.  I knew they’d do more than mess up the landscaping view.  They were bound to get into the vegetable garden sometime or destroy some of the well-established trees along the drive.  They might uproot the sprinkler system I installed or chew water lines or underground cables.  No, I knew I had to stop the gophers.

So, I’ve been trying everything possible, but I’m still finding fresh gopher holes all over the landscaping.  One morning, some of the tourists spotted a skunk digging frantically at the ground like a dog, tearing up the grass even further.  It was on the hunt for a gopher.  Part of me was rooting for the skunk, and part of me was just mad that gophers had now brought skunks onto the property.

Earlier this morning, I walked by one of the flower beds, and reached down casually to pull up a couple of weeds with my bare hands.  I wasn’t paying too much attention, so when my hand closed around something furry instead of a weed, you can imagine my surprise.  I jumped back, and I’d like to think I didn’t yelp, and looked down at the ground.  Sure enough, dead gopher.  Bloated, maggoty, nasty dead gopher.  And I’d touched it with my bare hands.  Not to mention, there were a bunch of black flies swarming around the flower bed I so carefully maintained.  First order of business was to scrub and sanitize my hand until I stopped shuddering.  Next, get someone who does nothing but get rid of gophers and other such animals for a living.  I’m tired of fighting them off by myself.  It’s time to call in the big guns.  They can fix the gopher holes and remove the dead gopher while they’re at it.  I can go back to happily tending flower gardens, pruning trees and keeping the lawn green.

Get Rid of Gophers

get rid of gophers
Come along with me and I will show you the best way to get rid of gophers.  Hunting gophers will make you feel like the great hunters among our ancestors, the wild creatures who tamed the untamable vermin, who chased them across alien terrains into their holes and then drug them right out of their very homes.

We emerge from the safety of the known and streak across the fields, ears flapping in the wind.  Take in the smells, the joy of running as fast as your four legs can carry you, each sound and odor an adventure.  Feel the grass brush your belly as you leap and jump.  Howl and bark and give voice to your freedom and then give into the hunt.

Sometimes you smell them first, sometimes you hear them burrowing just under the surface, sometimes you might even see one streaking across the grass in front of you.  You have already struck terror into its heart and it knows it will soon face extermination.  And you, you are to be feared.

The ground feels slightly spongy.  It will mean the gopher will be able to dig quickly, but so can you, and your paws are ever so much bigger.  We are designed perfectly to get rid of gophers.  It is our calling, our destiny.  Ah!  You catch a whiff and stop dead in your tracks.  Ever so still, we cock our heads this way and that way to pinpoint exactly where it’s gone to ground.  Our every sense is quivering, searching. 

Then, POUNCE.  Forepaws furiously grind through the grass, weeds and dirt.  We are a blur, a flurry of digging, and yet we are frustrated it’s just not fast enough, so we even use our mouths to pull up chunks of dirt or debris in our way.  It cannot escape, it will not escape.  It is just a matter of who can dig faster, us or the gopher. 

We have been told we have sweet, deep dark puppy eyes, but not at this moment.  Our eyes are full of fury, devotion to the hunt, hard.  We are wild, crazy, but it is our insane pulling at the ground that will give us success.  We shall get rid of the gopher.

We hear it moving back and forth, frantic to escape, but there are two of us and it is caught in one tunnel, can only go two ways.  It is between us, underground, but it knows its end is near.  We have dug deep enough that our snouts can reach in, teeth and tongue straining down the tiny tunnel, desperate to get at the creature.  We are so, so close.  Almost there!

Ball?  Wheeee!  Chase the ball!  Chase the ball!

How to Get Rid of Gophers

how to get rid of gophers
The laptop is a beautiful invention, because it’s allowed me to work anywhere, and it’s also taught me how to get rid of gophers. 

            I occasionally have to travel across the country for meetings, or run into the office from time to time, but mostly I am able to work right from the comfort of my own home, thanks to the laptop.  I call my corner lot in the outer suburbs My Ranch.  Admittedly, it’s not a catchy name, but it describes my dream.  I’m hoping to retire in a few years and actually buy a ranch property, but until then, I’m enjoying my beautiful wrap-around porch that overlooks my large lot.  I spend a lot of hours and money maintaining my yard, keeping the grass pristine, investing in ornamental landscaping in the hopes that the place will sell quickly when I’m ready to retire.

            It had been a rough month of travelling, client meetings and family emergencies, and I’d been away from home more than I liked.  Finally, though, life was going back to normal for a little bit, and I looked forward to spending the morning working outside.

            I kissed my wife as she went off to work, made sure the kids had done their homework as they headed out to their high school classes, and I went out to work on the porch, laptop and coffee mug in hand.  Breathing in deeply, I looked out over my yard.  And, right in the middle of the lawn was this fan-shaped mound of dirt, ugly as sin.  I walked over to investigate.  Dirt was thrown around, mostly to one side of the hole, but the hole was plugged up with a matt of dirt and dead vegetation.  I kicked the dirt in disgust and looked around the yard.  Sure enough, there were more fan-shaped mounds of dirt scattered throughout the lawn, the fresh mounds smothering the healthy grass.  The thought of some creature munching on tender grass roots below made me sick.  I walked over to my landscaping area in front of the house and knelt down, a knot in my stomach as I surveyed further damage to my more expensive plants.  Some of the small, young trees were girdled, and some of the shrubs had been clipped just above ground.  What a mess.  Obviously a gopher had taken advantage of my lack of yardwork over the last few weeks, and had moved in.

            I decided to put off work for just a while until I got things under control.  Opening up my laptop, I typed in “how to get rid of gophers.”  I got all kinds of advice, ranging from the ridiculous to the dangerous.  Gotta love the web.  The more advice I got, the more I realized I didn’t want to try this myself.  Too much hassle and I was inexperienced.  I didn’t want to waste time with trial and error and hope that I’d be successful.  I decided to get a wildlife removal specialist out to my home.  They could worry about getting that damaging critter off of my property.  My time would be better spent getting my yard back in shape and enjoying the beautiful day while earning a living at the same time.