Get Rid of Chipmunks

chipmunk removal

Chipmunks are cute and all, but when they destroy $1500 worth of tulips and prize azaleas, it’s time to get rid of chipmunks.

Chipmunk reaching for berries
A chipmunk causing damage to a garden.
(Artwork by Sharon Davis. Contact us for her contact info.)

At first I didn’t think it was a very big problem.  They’re cute, and skittishly friendly.  When my grandkids came over, I used to hand them a small baggie full of seed to toss out to the chipmunks, and we’d watch the little animals jump and chatter and play and stuff their cheeks with seeds.  Sometimes I’d look out the window in the evening and see one digging in a flower pot, burying the seed it scored from us earlier that day.  Occasionally, chipmunks would dig a shallow burrow underneath one of our out buildings and have her babies.  We’d approach as closely as we dared, so as not to disturb them, and ooh and coo over the tiny little creatures.  It was sweet, it was cute, it was a bonding moment with nature.

Then, they started to cause damage.  So, now it’s time to figure out how to get rid of chipmunks.

My husband had been so certain that the little holes all over the yard and planting areas were the results of some other creature, like a rabbit or a vole.  He did all kinds of research to figure out how to solve that problem.  But, one day, as I was washing dishes, I smiled as I watched a chipmunk cavorting through our back yard.  It headed towards the area where I’d just planted some special tulip bulbs I’d recently had shipped to me.  Tulips are my favorite flower, and after a recent visit to Holland, I couldn’t resist purchasing bulbs of the more exotic-looking varieties.  I spent an entire Saturday planting those bulbs throughout the yard, and especially in an area right next to my favorite outdoor bench.  I watched as the chipmunk scampered over the lawn, towards the freshly turned dirt, and then disappear.

Curious, I went out to investigate.  To my shock, there were tiny little holes all over the tulip garden area.  As I made my rounds throughout the planting areas and yard, I saw more and more of these holes.  To my shock, as I was watching, a chipmunk popped out of one about four feet in front of me, chattered loudly at me, and ran up a nearby tree.  Bold as you please.

We let it go, and didn’t get rid of the chipmunks that winter.  We figured they needed a warm place to burrow, so we didn’t do anything about it.  The following spring, only a handful of my precious tulips came up, and my prized azaleas died.  Cute or not, it was time to get rid of chipmunks.

Get Rid of Porcupines

When you’re sitting in a barn, pulling quills out of a very angry horse, you come to one conclusion:  Get rid of porcupines.

Now, it’s true that porcupines aren’t vicious animals.  They don’t carry a lot of diseases, they don’t go on the offensive and chase after you with sharp teeth, they try to stay out of your way.  But, they are a nuisance and a pest, and I want to get rid of porcupines from off my property.

I’ve seen evidence of porcupine damage around the place.  The side of the barn got chewed up a little, and a couple of my apricot saplings died because a porcupine chewed up the trunk pretty good.  The only time I saw one in person is when I accidentally clipped one with my truck.  It scuttled off into the trees, so it seemed unhurt, but I was pulling quills out of my tire that night.

One of my dogs got some quills in the face, and has avoided going back outside at night ever since.  She’s a pretty small and mischievous dog, who just likes to chase anything that moves.  We find it endearing.  The porcupine did not.  Once the quills get inside a body, they’re not easy to pull out.  One buddy of mine suggested I cut the ends off the quills to get rid of a suction-effect.  I didn’t feel any difference.  The barbs on the quills make them all hard to pull out, suction or no suction, and very painful to the dog.  But the dog is small and trusting, and was easy enough to hold down while my sons and I pulled out each quill, one by one.  A horse is another matter.

I’d taken this horse out for a long ride just the day before, so I was giving her a rest, just letting her graze in our meadow.  She loves to just run as fast as she can from one fence to the other.  She’s also a curious horse.  I’m sure her curiosity got the better of her, and she got too close to a porcupine.  She must’ve cornered it, or made it nervous, because she got quills in both of her front legs.

Yep, time to get rid of porcupines.

I had to call the vet to come out and help me calm the horse down long enough to pull out all the quills.  Now, we’re worried about infection.  Not that a porcupine is poisonous or anything, but the tiny wounds could get infected if we’re not careful.

I’m tired of pulling out porcupine quills from my animals or tires.  I’m tired of finding holes chewed through my outbuildings.  It’s time to call Allstate Animal Control and get rid of the porcupines.

Get Rid of Feral Cats

feral cat removal

My owner just has to understand she needs to get rid of feral cats.  If I’m going to be labeled an “outside cat,” then I gotta be safe.  I gotta make sure my food bowl belongs just to me, not to any old cat that wanders by.  I need to stay healthy, which means these mangy feral cats shouldn’t infect me with their nasty little mites and ticks and other tiny creepy crawlies.  And, my bed.  Oh, my bed is mine.  But half the time I have to chase one of these wild cats away from my own bed, and I’ve gotten scratched and bit more than once.  Imagine, my precious, silky fur and skin marred by a wild cat’s scratch.  Yep, my owner has got to get rid of feral cats.

The day my owner decided enough was enough and made me an “outdoor cat” came as a complete shock to me.  So what if I scratched up her new leather couch?  Isn’t that why she bought it, so I could keep my claws nice and sharp?  And, I really did think the litter box was optional.  Sometimes that corner on the carpet, right by the fireplace, was the most convenient and comfortable place to relieve myself.  She let me get away with all of that for a while, and then HE came.  Some complete stranger that made her get all lovey-dovey.  He would be fine over at our house for a while, until he started sneezing and wheezing and sniffling and chuffing.  What was his problem, anyway?

One day, after an innocent little “marking” incident in her closet, my owner just set me out.  I guess she just can’t take it.  She set me up pretty nicely, though.  As an outdoor cat, I get a little more freedom, she got me a nice cozy and secure bed, and she makes sure to set food out for me twice a day.  I miss curling up on her slippers, or the warmth of the bed, or jumping up on the kitchen counters.  But, the outside life isn’t so bad.  That is, except for the neighbors.  We have just got to figure out a way to get rid of feral cats so I can enjoy my territory without fear of finding one of them curled up in my bed or chomping on my food.

I thought I could get rid of feral cats on my own.  I marked the perimeter of my territory, and spent several nights fighting with them to scare them off.  But, there are a couple of them that keep showing up.  It’s annoying to fight them off of my food dish or out of my sleeping box, but I’m afraid I’m going to end up really sick or injured one of these days.

It’s definitely time my owner get Allstate Animal Control to get rid of feral cats.  Then, I can go back to destroying, I mean enjoying, my owner’s home all by myself.

Get Rid of Opossum

opossum remival

Being a techie at a stadium is one of the best jobs a person could ever do, but it should never include getting rid of an opossum.

Opossum hanging by his tail.
An opossum that spooked a theater by hiding in it’s orchestra pit.

I’m part of the stage crew at a large theater downtown.  Every day is a little different, depending on the show or concert that will be playing here.  Some days are spent lighting and re-lighting for a show that’s coming through our city, spiking the stage (putting tape marks all over the stage so we know where a set piece is supposed to go in the middle of a show), testing the sound system, or making sure the green rooms and dressing rooms are prepared.  Some of our guest celebrities are very particular about how they want their dressing rooms arranged and stocked.  Some days are spent with maintenance, such as keeping the house in good repair, making sure the seats are clean and comfortable, or repairing curtains.  Other days are spent striking sets and loading them up in trucks for the show’s next city appearance.  It’s exhausting, physical work, and there aren’t a lot of women who do what I do professionally, but it’s my passion and joy.  And, I’m lucky enough that my husband works here, too.

One day when we wer

e doing maintenance on the house, I made a horrible discovery.  There was an opossum under the orchestra pit.  No one had ever trained me how to get rid of an opossum.  But, there it was, backed up against the other side of the pit, its eyes gleaming in the darkness, its lips pulled back in a hissing and toothy grimace.  Not only do I have to get rid of an opossum, I have to get rid of a live opossum.  I’m no nervous nelly, but that’s really not in my job description.

I backed out of the space under the orchestra pit.  That area is technically lower than the river, so I shouldn’t be surprised to find animals down in there.  Maybe that’s why the opossum was down there, to feast on mice or rats or whatever made its way down there.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that this explains a lot.  Lately, some of the actors and musicians from our latest musical production had been complaining of weird smells around the stage.  Some of the crew had been “spooked” by odd noises when they were working alone in the area.  We joked that it was our resident ghost.  Really, what theater doesn’t have a resident ghost?

But, this explained everything.  It was just an animal.

I made my way up to the office, where my husband was working.  “Hon, we gotta get rid of an opossum,” I said.

He had to see it for himself, of course, and I think he came out of the orchestra pit faster than I did.  Before long, we called Allstate Animal Control to get rid of the opossum.  Fortunately, their guy got it out before we set up for the show that night.  Of course, we still let the actors and musicians believe it was a ghost.

Get Rid of Squirrels

get rid of squirrels

“Mom, why do we have to get rid of squirrels?”  My four year old daughter looked up at me, her blue eyes filling with tears.  She’d been a little touchy lately, especially after her fish Leon died.  My son is allergic to most pets – cats, dogs, rabbits, ferrets.  We had hoped that a tiny Siberian hamster would be okay, but he broke out in a rash as soon as he got near one.  So, our family is a fish family.

Squirrel
A squirrel looking at your home to call his home.
(Artwork by Sharon Davis. Contact us for her contact info.)

We made a big production of taking a Saturday morning to go pick out the perfect aquarium for our house, and each of us got to pick out a fish.  My husband hates the idea of fish as pets, but he saw how important it was to our kids, so he relented and the family took a trip to a local aquarium store.  Normal pet stores cause an allergic reaction in my son, so a specialty store was the only way to go.  We had to drive about thirty minutes, and spent a good hour picking out an appropriate aquarium and the fish to put in it.  Everyone wanted a different fish, but not all fish get along well.  Fortunately, the employee was very patient with us and helped us get everything, and every fish, we needed.

My daughter got a little blue fish that looked like it had neon stripes on it.  She was so proud of it.  I have no idea where the name Leon came from, but that’s what she called it.  My husband set up the new aquarium, we got the water levels and chemistry correct, acclimated our new family members to their new home, and taught the children the appropriate care and feeding procedures.

But, then, my daughter got a little overzealous early one morning.  She decided all the fish needed more food, and she poured the flakes all over the surface of the water.  As soon as I walked out of my bedroom to make everyone breakfast, I saw the catastrophe, and quickly scooped up as much as I could.  By then, though, it was too late for Leon.

My daughter cried bitterly, dealing with the death of a beloved pet at an early age.  Which is why I found myself having to explain to her, very carefully, why we have to get rid of squirrels.

Two days ago, I noticed my son was getting more and more rashes.  An allergic reaction to something, but I couldn’t figure out what it was.  I quizzed him to see if his class had a new pet at school, or if he played at a friend’s house who had a pet.  It turned out, after quite an extensive investigation, that we have squirrels in the attic.  We found out early enough so that they hadn’t done a lot of damage, but they’d soiled some of the insulation up there.  I called Allstate Animal Control and arranged for someone to come out and get rid of squirrels, and my daughter overheard me.  Apparently, she had thought they were her new pets.  I explained the squirrels were just confused and thought our house was a good place for them to live, but that they really needed to live out in the trees.  We also made a second trip to the fish store that day.

Get Rid of Gophers

how to get rid of gophers

I’m just trying to make a few extra bucks where I can so I can save up for our band trip to Europe this summer, so why am I stuck out here trying to teach someone how to get rid of gophers?  I mow lawns, lady.  That’s it.  If I think you have a gopher problem, I’ll tell you I think you have a gopher problem.  But, I don’t know how to get rid of gophers, so quit acting like I’m your own personal Wikipedia of gopher knowledge.

I hated the French horn when my mom handed it to me, but it was the only instrument we owned, and we don’t have enough to buy or rent another one.  So, guess what?  I learned how to play the French horn.  Turned out it was pretty cool after all.  I mean, not cool like popular.  But, cool for band people.  Not a lot of people play the French horn, and definitely not a lot of girls.  Plus, I’m good.  I practice a lot.  Now that I’m a junior, I’m first chair, and I got invited to join a county band that performs three times a year.  We got good enough that our county band was invited to play a few places in Western Europe, and I am so excited.

Gopher digging a hole.
Gopher digging holes in a lawn.
(Artwork by Sharon Davis. Contact us for her contact info.)

Course, when I told my parents, they were totally happy for me, but I could tell they were also worried about how much it would cost.  The trip’s next year, so I have a long time to work and save up money.  I’m pretty sure I can do it.

So, that’s what my mind’s on.  School, band, making money for the Europe trip.  Not on how to get rid of gophers.  I babysit year-round, I walk dogs, I house sit, I mow lawns this spring and summer, I’ll rake leaves in the fall, and I’ll shovel walkways in the winter.

This lady is actually pretty cool to me.  She pays me right away, and even gives me tips and brings drinks out to me.  She’s not at home a lot, she says, and she hates taking care of her yard.  So, she also hires me to pull weeds and stuff, because she doesn’t like to do it herself.

But, last week and today I noticed big huge holes in her yard, with dirt sprayed out like a fan around mounds of dirt.  Last week, I thought a dog had just dug around, but I did some online research over the week, and realized I’d seen gopher holes in her yard.  She needed to do something to get rid of gophers.  And, I told her so.  Then, she told me she’d pay me extra to get rid of gophers for her.  Uh, not really my thing.  Mowing, yes.  Pulling weeds, yes.  Gophers, no.

So, then she started asking me all these questions about gophers, how to get rid of gophers, when are gophers most busy, and on and on.  I have no idea.  But, fortunately, I know who does.  I gave her the number for Allstate Animal Control, and she gave me an extra couple of bucks for the info.  Hey, every little bit counts.  Europe, here I come!

Get Rid of Voles

I’ve never been good at yard work, so I have no idea how to get rid of voles.  I didn’t even know what a vole was until yesterday, much less how to take care of the vole problem.  This is the first time I’ve actually been happy I have neighbors who love yard work.

I work long hours at my day job, and I usually have a gig somewhere most nights.  When I’m not out at night singing in clubs, I’m watching other bands or writing songs, or just hanging out.  So, my lawn is really the last thing on my mind.  Most weekends are busy for me, too, so I don’t spend a lot of time mowing my lawn, pulling weeds, trimming bushes, and whatever else people do.

Unfortunately, I have neighbors who really care about that stuff.  I mean, these guys are out there almost every night with their big power tools edging stuff, cutting stuff, trimming stuff.  They mow so carefully, it’s like an art form for these guys, with perfect mow lines evenly spaced across the yard.  They all have gardens, and every year they come over and politely drop off bags full of excess tomatoes from their harvest.  I hate tomatoes.  Their wives suggest I could can them.  I don’t can.  I wouldn’t even know where to begin.  Then their wives ask me, very kindly, if I’d like their husband to help me out with my yard.

It’s not a girl-guy thing, either.  Just because I’m a woman doesn’t mean I can’t do it.  It’s just that it’s not important to me.  And, just because I’m single doesn’t mean I need a man to come over and take care of the yard for me.  I hire a kid from the neighborhood to mow once a week, I make sure the sprinklers are turned on regularly, and I call it good.  It’s not like I spend a lot of time at home, so why waste it doing yard work?

It was the kid who mows my lawn who told me I needed to get rid of voles.  I had no idea what he was talking about, so he invited me outside so he could show me the criss-cross streaks of dried grass all over the lawn.  He also pointed out the tiny little holes everywhere.  Then, he showed me the piece-de-resistance – a dead vole.  Kind of looked like a mouse, but with a more pointed nose.  The kid told me all about how there’s probably tons more under my grass, blah, blah blah.

Then, one of my neighbors spotted me and came out, full of advice of how to get rid of voles.  My eyes kind of glazed over after he talked about traps and trips to the nearest gardening store for bait or poison.  Seriously, I think it’s great that people try to do it themselves, but I really don’t need to.  The one thing I know about problems like this is who to call.  Allstate Animal Control.  I figure if there might be a lot more of them, and it’s a real problem, why not just have an expert come out and take care of it, right?  They’ll get rid of voles at a good price, and I can keep on living my yard-work-free life.

Get Rid of Woodpeckers

I swear, if we don’t get rid of those woodpeckers, I might just go insane.  Not funny insane, like in the old cartoon show, but actual crazy angry.  I’m all for bird watching, going on long hikes in the mountains and looking for deer, and leaving things in their natural habitat.  But, my house is my house.  What’s wrong with the woodpeckers around here?  Why can’t they enjoy the many, many trees on our property?  Or, how about the berries out by the creek that runs through our back yard?  The other birds seem to like it just fine, and find enough bugs to feast on.  So, why can’t they?  Maybe it’s time to just get rid of woodpeckers if they can’t play nice.

Woodpecker
A woodpecker drilling holes into the side of a home.
(Artwork by Sharon Davis. Contact us for her contact info.)

I’ve got a nice home on a quarter-acre lot, which is perfect for me.  Instead of opting for an expanse of grass that I’d have to mow as I get older, I went for a more natural, forested look.  Every year, I plant tulip bulbs and daffodils out under the mature trees on our property.  In the evening, I sit out on the deck of my small home and listen to the creek burbling and watch the birds flitting, and I sip my drink and think I’ve got a wonderful life.  I even put out a couple of bird baths, a hummingbird feeder, and a few bird houses and feeders to make the wild life feel welcome.

And, if I’m ever going to enjoy watching birds from my deck again, I must get rid of woodpeckers.

They start out early in the morning, when I’m trying to sleep in.  A knock-knock-knock against the roof above my bedroom.  I run outside to try to scare them off, but they just fly into a nearby tree and pretend nothing happened.  As soon as I get back inside, the knocking starts up again.

And, they do help themselves to the berries.  That’s sure.  Wanna know how I know?  There are reddish streaks decorating the side of my home.  Right next to the holes appearing in the stucco.  If it was just the knocking noise that bugged me, I wouldn’t care so much.  But, destroying my house in the process?  Come on.

I don’t want to kill them, don’t get me wrong.  I just want to get rid of the woodpeckers.  But, I can’t figure out how.  And, I’m angry, too.  I’m sure they have access to plenty of bugs in and around the trees.  Why does my home attract them more than their natural habitat?  Is it the warmth?  I can’t figure it out, and I can’t scare them away.

A friend told me that Allstate Animal Control will send an expert out to my house to get rid of the woodpeckers.  Not only that, but they could get someone to fix the damage the woodpeckers caused.  Now that’s service.

So, a quick phone call, an appointment scheduled, and maybe I’ll be able to enjoy my quiet little haven once again.

Get Rid of Mouse

mouse removal

I thought I knew how to get rid of a mouse.  As a high school junior, I have no problems being in charge when both my parents have to go out of town on business trips.  I’ve been watching my younger brother and sister for years whenever both Mom and Dad are gone.  It’s been great, too.  I get paid for doing what I normally do at home, and all I have to do is make sure they both get their homework done, they’re ready for school in the morning, and make dinner at night.  The rest of the time, I can have my friends over, watch TV, do my homework, text my friends, and just do what I usually do.  Easy, right?

Sure, it’s easy.  Until something weird happens.  Like the time my little brother had one of his friends over, and his friend got really hurt while they were jumping on our trampoline.  But, I’m a great babysitter.  I helped calm my brother’s friend down, called his mom to pick him up, and made up new rules about the trampoline.  It’s never happened again.

Or, like the time my little sister stuck a bead up her nose while she was playing in the toy room.  I have no idea where she got the bead.  But, she stuck it up there pretty far.  I managed to help her get it out, though.  I just plugged up the other nostril and had her blow.  After like two tries, that little sucker shot right out of her nose, all gooey and sticky.  See?  Problem solved.

So, last night I saw a mouse in the house.  It ran right across the floor in front of us while we were watching TV before bed, and ran under the couch where I was sitting.  My brother screamed, and my little sister tried to chase it.  It was so gross, but I’m pretty sure I know how to get rid of a mouse.  I got my brother and sister out of the room and ready for bed.  After they were in their bedrooms, I marched back down to the living room and looked under the couch.  Yep, it was still there. I have no idea what it was doing, or why it was just sitting there, but there it was.  I could get rid of a mouse, one stupid little mouse.

I grabbed up our cat, Deacon, tossed him in the room with the TV and the mouse, and closed the door.  Done.  Deacon would get rid of the mouse by the morning.

This morning, I opened up the door to the TV room right before school.  Deacon ran out and headed outside.  Then, the mouse came tearing across the room and disappeared under the TV console.  Great.  Just great.  Guess I don’t know how to get rid of a mouse.

So, I texted Mom, and she told me to just call Allstate Animal Control.  They’d know how to get rid of a mouse.  Guess I don’t know everything, but I’m still a great babysitter.

Get Rid of Pigeons

Sure, I want to get rid of the pigeons in my attic, but I never wanted it this way.  Smudgins is a beautiful Russian Blue cat, with soft fur that hardly sheds at all, an easy purr, a friendly attitude towards kids, and a deep love of sitting in my lap as I read.  I deliberately chose to keep her as an indoor cat, because I live on a busy street, and I can’t bear to think of her as a victim of an accident.  I dread the idea of someone knocking on my door to inform me they ran over my cat, or worse, just having her disappear.  So, I keep her indoors, and she seems to be happy.  I guess I underestimated the driving need a cat feels for hunting.  I never saw the vicious side of her, until now.

I have known about the pigeons in the attic for a couple of months, now.  I know I’ve been lazy, but I’m busy with work, and when I come home, I just want to relax with some soft music playing as I cook and eat a gourmet meal by myself (I love to cook), and then sit in my comfortable couch reading a good book and petting Smudgins.  It’s not an exciting life, but I’m happy, and that’s all that really matters, isn’t it?

So, I’ve been lazy.  I know I need to get rid of the pigeons in the attic, but I’ve grown accustomed to the rustling noise up there, and I just didn’t make it a priority.  Until now.

I woke up this morning, put on my slippers, and headed into the kitchen for some breakfast.  My feet slid on something wet on the floor, and when I flipped on the light, I screamed.  It was blood.  Not a lot, but enough.  And feathers.  And some entrails and other pigeon parts.  It seems Smudgins got feisty during the night, found her way up into the attic, and caught herself a pigeon.  As cats do, she obviously felt the need to play catch-and-release-and-catch-again with it.  Otherwise, she would have just killed it in the attic and munched on it up there.  Instead, there I was, standing in the midst of the most horrific kill I’d ever witnessed, feathers and pigeon blood in the middle of my kitchen floor.

And Smudgins sauntered into the kitchen, looking smug and pleased as could be.  She actually had the gall to meow at me for not filling up her cat dish fast enough this morning.

It is now a priority for me to get rid of pigeons.  I can’t bear the thought of waking up to that again.  Good thing I can call Allstate Animal Control and get rid of the pigeons right away.  What a nightmare!