Tag Archives: gopher holes

Gophers in Yard

gopher1

Brent worked really hard to come across as a real manly man, sometimes a little too hard, and sometimes not hard enough.  He was, unfortunately, one of those guys who just wasn’t comfortable as himself, in his own skin, so he thought he had to be like a character from some television show in order for people to respect him.  He went for the bad boy biker look, which was a bad choice for him.

He wore faded jeans and a black t-shirt with holes in it, but everything was extremely clean and had a Febreeze smell to it.  He grew a long beard, but trimmed it so carefully into its shape that it was just a facial contradiction.  And the dark black sunglasses he wore everywhere, even indoors, cost him all of two dollars at a gas station somewhere.  His home was full of porcelain knick knacks that he couldn’t bear to throw out after his mother passed away, and a collection of lunch boxes from the seventies and eighties.

So, when the nuisance wildlife control professional showed up at his door to get rid of the gophers in his yard, he was more than confused.  At first glance, this stringy thirty-five year old who answered the door seemed like he wasn’t the kind to seek out a professional to get rid of gophers.  He looked like he was the kind of loud, beer-guzzling jerk who would pull out a high powered rifle, aim it at any critters crossing his yard, and yee-haw his way into the hospital.  But, as soon as Brent started explaining the problem he had with gophers, it was a whole new matter.

“See, man,” Brent started, “Look over there, man, and you’ll see, like, five different holes, right there in the dirt.”

Indeed, there were five holes with all the tell-tale signs of gopher activity.

Continuing in a voice that cracked occasionally, Brent said, “And, look, man, see I don’t want to get all girly, but those gophers are creepy looking.  I saw one of ‘em come right out of the hole, right when I was standin’ there.  And, it just looked at me, like it was daring me to do something.  I think I saw something like that out of an aliens movie once, ya know, man?  And, like, they’re just under our feet, right, just breathing and eating and doing, doing, like, gopher stuff, man.  Plus, I’ve tripped like eight times when I try to mow the lawn, and I think I pulled something.  It’s just bad, just nasty, am I right?”

As soon as Brent saw the gentleman from the wildlife control company unload his equipment from his truck, he knew he’d be safe.  He adjusted his dark glasses, pulled on his beard, and sauntered back into his home.  It was time to dust Mom’s old knick-knacks.

Get Rid of Gophers

how to get rid of gophers

I’m just trying to make a few extra bucks where I can so I can save up for our band trip to Europe this summer, so why am I stuck out here trying to teach someone how to get rid of gophers?  I mow lawns, lady.  That’s it.  If I think you have a gopher problem, I’ll tell you I think you have a gopher problem.  But, I don’t know how to get rid of gophers, so quit acting like I’m your own personal Wikipedia of gopher knowledge.

I hated the French horn when my mom handed it to me, but it was the only instrument we owned, and we don’t have enough to buy or rent another one.  So, guess what?  I learned how to play the French horn.  Turned out it was pretty cool after all.  I mean, not cool like popular.  But, cool for band people.  Not a lot of people play the French horn, and definitely not a lot of girls.  Plus, I’m good.  I practice a lot.  Now that I’m a junior, I’m first chair, and I got invited to join a county band that performs three times a year.  We got good enough that our county band was invited to play a few places in Western Europe, and I am so excited.

Gopher digging a hole.
Gopher digging holes in a lawn.
(Artwork by Sharon Davis. Contact us for her contact info.)

Course, when I told my parents, they were totally happy for me, but I could tell they were also worried about how much it would cost.  The trip’s next year, so I have a long time to work and save up money.  I’m pretty sure I can do it.

So, that’s what my mind’s on.  School, band, making money for the Europe trip.  Not on how to get rid of gophers.  I babysit year-round, I walk dogs, I house sit, I mow lawns this spring and summer, I’ll rake leaves in the fall, and I’ll shovel walkways in the winter.

This lady is actually pretty cool to me.  She pays me right away, and even gives me tips and brings drinks out to me.  She’s not at home a lot, she says, and she hates taking care of her yard.  So, she also hires me to pull weeds and stuff, because she doesn’t like to do it herself.

But, last week and today I noticed big huge holes in her yard, with dirt sprayed out like a fan around mounds of dirt.  Last week, I thought a dog had just dug around, but I did some online research over the week, and realized I’d seen gopher holes in her yard.  She needed to do something to get rid of gophers.  And, I told her so.  Then, she told me she’d pay me extra to get rid of gophers for her.  Uh, not really my thing.  Mowing, yes.  Pulling weeds, yes.  Gophers, no.

So, then she started asking me all these questions about gophers, how to get rid of gophers, when are gophers most busy, and on and on.  I have no idea.  But, fortunately, I know who does.  I gave her the number for Allstate Animal Control, and she gave me an extra couple of bucks for the info.  Hey, every little bit counts.  Europe, here I come!

Gopher Control

get rid of gophers

“Son, what I’m about to show you is vital gopher control information, or as I like to call them, rodents of mass destruction.”

It looked like my granddad wanted me to perk up and be all ears for this vital piece of information he was going to share with me.  He had worked this farm all of his life, and had been disappointed and proud when his only son, my father, wanted to become a lawyer instead of a farmer.  I don’t know if my father wanted to make up for this somehow by sending me to live with my granddad for a few summers, or if he really thought it would help me become a better man, but for whatever reason, here I was stuck on this hot, dry patch of earth for the summer instead of hanging out at the beach with my friends.

Last year, when I arrived, my grandmother greeted me with a huge smile, an even bigger hug, and a large lunch before sending me out to work alongside my granddad as he cleared debris out of the canal.  It wasn’t exactly what a thirteen year-old boy wanted to do after a long and lonely plane trip to the middle of nowhere.  I would have much rather spent the afternoon adjusting to farm life by playing a few computer games and then going into town to meet some of the local kids and try to have fun.  As it was, it was two weeks before I even got into town.  Everyone kind of dubbed me a snob from a big city, so it wasn’t until the very end of the summer that I actually made a couple of friends.

We hadn’t kept in touch after I left, but here I was again, looking at another dismal summer doing farm work for which I was completely unprepared.  My surfer muscles didn’t really help me pitch hay, although my granddad was impressed that I was “strong enough to last longer than last year.”

But, now, the two of us were standing in the middle of a field dotted with small gopher hills.  Granddad had already shared with me his impressive cussing skills, when one of his monstrous farm machines ran over one too many gopher hills and broke.  Now, he was going to impart his wisdom regarding gopher control to me, and acted like he was giving me a major gift that would help improve my life tremendously.

“Son, I’ve tried all the tricks.  Oil, poison, traps.  I’ve sunk a lot of money this last year into gopher control, and I have finally found the secret.”  He reached into his pocket, where I assumed he’d hidden some secret vial of goop he’d cooked up.  Instead, he pulled out a cell phone, called a gopher control service, hung up and looked at me.  “Nothing to be done for the rest of the day until they get rid of the gophers for me.  How bout going into town for some ice cream?”

I never thought I’d be grateful for gophers, but I sure was that day!

Gopher Removal

gopher removal

It seems like gopher removal is a consistent, on-going battle for a lot of residents in our area, and I’m determined to get rid of gophers once and for all off of my property.  My wife and I bought our three-plus acres several years ago with its farmhouse-style home, and have worked extremely hard to upgrade the house to our standards.  We bought the property because we fell in love with the area and landscaping.  If it meant nearly gutting the existing home and remodeling it, then we were willing to take on the job just to have that property.

The yard is gorgeous.  We have a pool area, adjacent to a Chinese-style garden with meandering pathways and stone benches.  Out behind the area, it’s a natural forest area with tall long-needle pine trees.  It’s the perfect multi-purpose backyard.  We can throw lavish dinner parties under the stars, or family barbeques, or quiet picnics amongst the trees.  Now that we’ve devoted a lot of time and expense to remodeling the house to match the beauty of the backyard, we plan on settling in and living here for the rest of our life.

But, now our gorgeous yard is marred by gopher hills, and we are in desperate need of gopher removal.  Mounds of dirt litter the grass, stones from our Chinese-garden pathways are getting pushed up, and some of the long-needle pine trees are dying.  I’m certain the gophers are eating the roots of the trees.  It’s astonishing how many gopher holes there are, too, and more spring up every day.

It’s annoying that we can’t even see the gophers destroying our property.  How do you remove gophers when they won’t even show themselves?  All we get to see is the damage and dying plants.  Sometimes, if you listen, you can actually hear them digging under foot, or spot the tip of a gopher nose sticking out of a hole.  We have no idea how many there are, but it’s obvious we have to get gopher removal specialists out here soon or our beautiful backyard sanctuary will be completely destroyed.  How can you host a pool party or elegant outdoor dinner party when you’re terrified someone will catch a foot in one of those gopher holes and trip?

After talking with some of my neighbors, I found out that this has apparently been a problem on and off for years.  Most of my fellow residents have just come to accept it as a fact of life out here.  I may be a newcomer to this area, but I refuse to accept life alongside destructive gophers.  I’ve tried to get rid of the gophers myself, but obviously I’m fighting a losing battle.  It’s time to bring out the big guns and get a professional gopher removal service out here to take care of them for me.  Maybe I can convince some neighbors to hire them, too, so we can enjoy a gopher-free neighborhood once and for all.

Dead Gopher

I thought gopher holes were bad enough, but a dead gopher in the flower bed is pretty nasty.  It’d be great news if it were the only gopher I’ve been fighting, but I’ve been fighting a losing battle with gophers for about two years running, and I know there’s a lot more out there than just this one.

I’ve spent a lot of years maintaining the landscaping around this historical home.  The place is now run as a museum, and there are a few caretakers, but I’m the only one who tends to the yard, the gardens and the flower beds.  I’ve taken a lot of pride in making sure the place looks pristine from the outside, making sure everything looks just perfect when a tour bus rolls up or some nice family from a few states over stop by during their road trip.  That’s why I got so mad when I showed up for work one day and discovered gopher holes all over the side yard.  Big mounds of fresh dirt were like scars on the deep green grass I had so carefully tended.  Going over to investigate, sure enough, there were little plugs of grass and roots in the holes, a sure sign some gopher’s been tunneling down there and throwing the dirt up around the gopher holes.

Mad as heck, I thought I could take care of a little gopher problem.  I didn’t want it turning into a big gopher problem.  I knew they’d do more than mess up the landscaping view.  They were bound to get into the vegetable garden sometime or destroy some of the well-established trees along the drive.  They might uproot the sprinkler system I installed or chew water lines or underground cables.  No, I knew I had to stop the gophers.

So, I’ve been trying everything possible, but I’m still finding fresh gopher holes all over the landscaping.  One morning, some of the tourists spotted a skunk digging frantically at the ground like a dog, tearing up the grass even further.  It was on the hunt for a gopher.  Part of me was rooting for the skunk, and part of me was just mad that gophers had now brought skunks onto the property.

Earlier this morning, I walked by one of the flower beds, and reached down casually to pull up a couple of weeds with my bare hands.  I wasn’t paying too much attention, so when my hand closed around something furry instead of a weed, you can imagine my surprise.  I jumped back, and I’d like to think I didn’t yelp, and looked down at the ground.  Sure enough, dead gopher.  Bloated, maggoty, nasty dead gopher.  And I’d touched it with my bare hands.  Not to mention, there were a bunch of black flies swarming around the flower bed I so carefully maintained.  First order of business was to scrub and sanitize my hand until I stopped shuddering.  Next, get someone who does nothing but get rid of gophers and other such animals for a living.  I’m tired of fighting them off by myself.  It’s time to call in the big guns.  They can fix the gopher holes and remove the dead gopher while they’re at it.  I can go back to happily tending flower gardens, pruning trees and keeping the lawn green.

Gopher Problems

Gopher sitting in a yard next to a gopher tunnel.
A gopher ruining your perfect yard.
(Artwork by Sharon Davis. Contact us for her contact info.)

We gophers just LOVE when you people try to take care of your gopher problems sometimes.  Gives us such a kick to watch you out there, standing over a hole and debating different ways to get rid of gophers.

Okay, so you wake up one morning to see we’ve had a huge party in your yard.  You had no idea that something so small could cost you so much money or cause such a big problem.  We may be little but we’re fast!  We’ll dig tunnels, burrows and put fan-shaped mounds of dirt all over your property.  Maybe your dog’s paw gets stuck in a hole and trips the big snuffler, or maybe it’s a horse hoof that lands in the hole.  Maybe you try to ignore us and break out the lawn mower.  Our little mounds of dirt can sure destroy those blades!

And, it’s not just our dirt piles that get ya.  How about gobbling up grass roots, uprooting other plants, tasting tree roots, feasting on flower roots and bulbs?!  What makes me laugh is that you wonder why we’ve moved in.  There’s too much food to pass up!!

So then you’re standing there, shaking your head, mad as heck that we’ve taken advantage of your generosity of greenery.  And the best solution you can dream up is to pour water down our tunnels?  Since none of us is named Noah, you think there’s no way we can survive your flood.  News flash – most of our burrows are higher than the tunnels, so we can still stay out of the way of the water.  Even if you get one or two of us, the rest of us can escape into our burrows or out another hole until it’s safe again.  Where does all that water end up?  Your basement, maybe?  Or the neighbor’s yard?  And, here’s the best part . . . you’ve made the dirt more soft and pliable.  Thank you!  It’s even easier to dig more tunnels, burrows and holes.  Hooray!

Some of you think gasoline is a better solution to your gopher problem than water.  Same question – where does all the gasoline end up?  Under your crops?  In a window well?  Your friendly neighbor’s yard?  Ooooh, you light it?  And do even more damage to your yard, huh?  Makes sense, sorta.  How about those who drive their truck onto the front lawn, stick a pipe onto the exhaust and the other end into a hole?  Here’s a thought – we have other holes that allow us to get out or gets more fresh air into the tunnel.  Kind of dangerous for you, not a big deal for us.

And gum.  Ah, gum.  We can’t resist a stick of peppermint, is that it?  We chew it, swallow it and die as it “gums” up our intestinal system?  Hate to break it to ya, but it’s never been proven to work, and you certainly can’t get all of us.

So, yeah, we just don’t take you seriously until we see a real professional walking around, someone who knows how to really get rid of a gopher problem.  Until then, it’s gopher giggles galore!

Get Rid of Gophers

get rid of gophers
Come along with me and I will show you the best way to get rid of gophers.  Hunting gophers will make you feel like the great hunters among our ancestors, the wild creatures who tamed the untamable vermin, who chased them across alien terrains into their holes and then drug them right out of their very homes.

We emerge from the safety of the known and streak across the fields, ears flapping in the wind.  Take in the smells, the joy of running as fast as your four legs can carry you, each sound and odor an adventure.  Feel the grass brush your belly as you leap and jump.  Howl and bark and give voice to your freedom and then give into the hunt.

Sometimes you smell them first, sometimes you hear them burrowing just under the surface, sometimes you might even see one streaking across the grass in front of you.  You have already struck terror into its heart and it knows it will soon face extermination.  And you, you are to be feared.

The ground feels slightly spongy.  It will mean the gopher will be able to dig quickly, but so can you, and your paws are ever so much bigger.  We are designed perfectly to get rid of gophers.  It is our calling, our destiny.  Ah!  You catch a whiff and stop dead in your tracks.  Ever so still, we cock our heads this way and that way to pinpoint exactly where it’s gone to ground.  Our every sense is quivering, searching. 

Then, POUNCE.  Forepaws furiously grind through the grass, weeds and dirt.  We are a blur, a flurry of digging, and yet we are frustrated it’s just not fast enough, so we even use our mouths to pull up chunks of dirt or debris in our way.  It cannot escape, it will not escape.  It is just a matter of who can dig faster, us or the gopher. 

We have been told we have sweet, deep dark puppy eyes, but not at this moment.  Our eyes are full of fury, devotion to the hunt, hard.  We are wild, crazy, but it is our insane pulling at the ground that will give us success.  We shall get rid of the gopher.

We hear it moving back and forth, frantic to escape, but there are two of us and it is caught in one tunnel, can only go two ways.  It is between us, underground, but it knows its end is near.  We have dug deep enough that our snouts can reach in, teeth and tongue straining down the tiny tunnel, desperate to get at the creature.  We are so, so close.  Almost there!

Ball?  Wheeee!  Chase the ball!  Chase the ball!

Gopher Removal

 

gopher removal
            Labor Day is the perfect day for hanging out at the park, enjoying the sunshine, letting the kids play, barbequing, flying kites, and thinking about gopher removal.  Well, you’d hope it wasn’t that last one, but a group of picnickers were surprised to see a gopher pop up, bold as you please, out of a hole in the middle of a large crowd. 

            After the initial shock, it became the center of attention and the topic of all conversations.  Its little head poking around at the top of its hole, sniffing, looking around, and generally being adorable.

            It explained some of the other holes all around the area.  Some of the kids had tripped and fallen as they played, their little feet tripping over the gopher holes.  A few women oohed and aahed over the cute little rodent, which had already disappeared into its hole and then popped back out again, with a scoop of dirt between its paws.  Admittedly, it was cute, if you like that sort of thing.  Light brown with little black eyes and tiny little paws.  It had no fear at all of the people standing and playing around its holes.  It knew it could just dive back down out of reach at the first sign of trouble. 

            But, some of the more observant members of the crowd looked around at the park and spotted the damage.  Some of the trees were dying.  Bark was stripped off the bottom of the trunks and they looked like they dying of thirst, their roots having been eaten by the gopher.  One tree was leaning over dangerously, it was probably undermined enough to topple one of these days.  The grassy park was littered with splotches of dirt, splayed out and around the holes. 

            But, for now, it was Labor Day, and no one was probably working at the city offices to take the call, requesting gopher removal from the park.  Never mind that gophers usually attract larger predators that might lurk around after dark, hoping to catch a tasty treat.  Weasels, skunks, bobcats, snakes would all love a gopher meal.  Never mind that gophers can carry lice, fleas, ticks or mites, or even carry diseases such as monkey pox or rabies. 

            No, for the moment, it is considered a cute distraction, an extra attraction to the festivities at the park on Labor Day.  Children continue to play, sometimes peering down a newly discovered hole in the hopes of seeing another one.  Parents continue to drink their drinks and talk and maybe take a picture or two of the wild creature joining in on the party.  They can think about gopher removal another day, right?