What is it about rat removal that makes us humans squeal and squeak like rats ourselves? One couple had glimpses of a furry body and long tail every now and then, and were determined they would rid their house of the rat. Rats can have up to 200 offspring in two years, so they could not wait to get the little beastie out of their house! Determining to corner the creature and get it out of the house is a much braver endeavor than the actual act, however. They plotted and schemed how to go about the rat removal in normal voices, bravely figuring how they would do it.
When they were reasonably certain the rat was in their bathroom, they would block off the room with a toddler gate, and the man would enter the bathroom with a box and a broom. Everyone nodded. This was a good plan.
A tail was spotted from behind a decorative box on the floor. Go-time! The room was blocked off, the box and broom were in hand, and the man stalked into the room.
“EEEEEEEAAAAAA” The woman squealed in a voice only her dog could hear. “I see it I see it I see it!”
“I see the tail, I see the tail, right where I saw it before!”
The man tentatively pokes at the decorative box with his broom and the rat leaps out into open view for a second before scurrying to find another hiding place. “OOOAAAAA, it’s moving!”
In response, the man pokes about with his broom. The rat flees to the other side of the bathroom.
“EEEEEE, Oh, oh, oh, oh!!”
More poking around with the broom.
“AAAA, he’s jumping, he’s jumping!”
The man wonders just how helpful his wife is, squealing and screaming like that. She squeaks out a string of expletives before finally crying out, “Holy crap!” as the dog looks at her as if to say, “It’s just a rat.”
The man grabs his trusty box, and, leaning in as far as he dares into the bathroom, drops it squarely on the rat. Then, just to make sure, he uses the broom to lift the box back up. Of course, the rat runs out to freedom, as the woman screeches again. This is not an easy rat removal, but it is a loud one!
Finally, the man is able to drop the box on the rat again, but only then realizes the box is not taped together, and the rat will likely be able to jump right out.
“It’s structurally unsound!” the woman squeals. She’s been impossible to understand until now, but she uses the term structurally unsound? The man sighs and places the broom on top of the box in the hopes that it will keep the rat squarely inside until he arrives back on the scene with duct tape. At least, he can look back on the incident with dignity, having refrained from screaming and sounding like . . . well, his wife.