Tag Archives: catch rats

Dead Rat

rat removal

A dead rat was certainly not something I expected early in the morning as I stumbled through the house as quietly as I could to get to the gym and back before the kids woke up.

I had started a new exercise regime, hitting the gym or running on the nearby park trails.  With small children, a regular exercise routine was challenging, to say the least.  I’d tried popping in an exercise DVD or two, but the little ones thought it was a game.  They’d sit on my stomach as I tried to do sit-ups, run between my legs when I tried yoga, and I won’t even go into the trauma of kick-boxing.

Rat grin
Rat staring at you.
(Artwork by Sharon Davis. Contact us for her contact info.)

Desperate, I was determined to get back in shape, whatever it took.  So, I went to bed pretty early each night, much to my husband’s chagrin, and woke up in the wee hours of the morning.  I snuck around the house, getting running shoes on, locating my MP3 player and filling my water bottle before tiptoeing out the front door and down the driveway.  For over three weeks, my new routine was working.  My husband was home, asleep but home, in case the children woke up early, but usually I was back just as everyone was waking up.  I’d then make breakfast, shower, and be ready for the day.  I was overjoyed and starting to see some success on the scale.

And then, the day of the dead rat.  I kept the house dark as I got ready to go running, because I knew every inch, every step of my home.  I skillfully remembered where toys had been carelessly left the night before and kept myself from loudly kicking toy cars and trains across the floor.  I would usually remember the last place the children were playing with my MP3 player, and could find it even in the darkness.  But, when my shoe-clad foot stepped on something unusual in the kitchen, I couldn’t figure out what it was.  It had some give, but there was a soft crack as my full body weight bore down on it.  I took two steps to the pantry, figuring I’d turn the pantry light on and partially close the door so I could determine what I’d stepped on without waking anyone up.

I turned on the light, stepped out of the pantry and closed the door half-way.  I looked down at the floor, and my mind couldn’t process what I was seeing.  Was this a child’s doll?  Some leftover food that had fallen on the floor during one of my husband’s late-night fridge raid?  In the partial shadows, I could see something glistening around it, but just couldn’t quite figure out the mysterious shape and substance.

Stepping closer, I stooped down and got really close.  My hand automatically reached out to scoop it up, but luckily my brain stopped my hand before contact was made.  “Dead Rat!” my brain screamed, and I jerked back.  My daily efforts of maintaining complete silence in the early morning hours paid off, and I’m proud to say I didn’t even shout out.  Instead, I yanked off my shoes, scooted back across the floor and sat there until my hands stopped shaking.  My mind raced, and I decided I would take care of calling in a professional rat exterminator, because where there’s one rat, there’s probably more.  I also decided to let my husband sleep in a little before making him clean up the mess.

Get Rid of Rats

get rid of rats   
         “In an effort to get rid of rats in the dormitories, we require all students’ food be kept in the kitchens.  The kitchens will remain open at all times to allow you access to your food.”

            The sign was posted on both ends of every floor of the dorms.  “Dude, you can’t let L’il Debbie stay the night anymore,” Mark joked, pointing at Clayton’s stash of snack cakes. 

            “I’m so gonna miss her,” Clayton said, some chocolate crumbs still sticking on the corner his lips.  He wasn’t a small guy.

            “So, seriously, why can’t we keep food in our rooms anymore?  They say they’re going to check us to make sure we don’t have anything.”  Mark was kind of annoyed about it, really.  Finals were coming and he was facing a few all-nighters.  He really hadn’t attended all his classes as much as he should have, but had to have good grades to keep his scholarship.  He was hoping caffeine-laced soda and sugary snacks would magically keep him alert enough to cram as much information into his brain as possible.

            “I bet one of the girls saw a tiny little mouse outside in the garden and blew it all out of proportion,” Nick said.  His girlfriend had just broken up with him, so he didn’t have a real high opinion of the ladies at the moment.

            But, the boys all complied with the order to help get rid of rats by taking all their food out of their dorm rooms and into the communal kitchen.

            That night, Mark needed some brain-aid food, so he made his way down to the kitchen, where he ran into Nick and Clayton and a couple of the girls.  He said “hi” and listened to their conversation as he reached into the cabinet to pull out some snacks.  Something furry brushed his hand.

            “What the AAAAAAAA!” he screamed.  Everyone jumped and stared at him.  “There’s something in there!”  He kept shaking his hand as if it would help him forget the feeling of that coarse hair on his skin.

            Everyone jumped up and crowded around the cabinet.  “That’s rat poop all over there, dude.  It’s all over the food.”  One of the girls groaned and ran over to the sink to spit out whatever she’d been eating, washing her mouth out as much as she could.  “I’m gonna be sick,” said the other girl.

            Clayton grabbed up his phone.  “Put the phone in there, I’m filming.  Let’s see if we can get it on camera.”  Nick was a little less squeamish than the others, so he took the phone and maneuvered it into the cabinet.  Sure enough, there it was.  A small rat.  But, it made them wonder if there were more. 

            Mark said, “Sooo, we got rid of rats from the dorms and now they’re in the kitchen?  I think I’d rather have rats in the dorms!”

Rat Removal

rat removal
What is it about rat removal that makes us humans squeal and squeak like rats ourselves?  One couple had glimpses of a furry body and long tail every now and then, and were determined they would rid their house of the rat.  Rats can have up to 200 offspring in two years, so they could not wait to get the little beastie out of their house!  Determining to corner the creature and get it out of the house is a much braver endeavor than the actual act, however.  They plotted and schemed how to go about the rat removal in normal voices, bravely figuring how they would do it.

When they were reasonably certain the rat was in their bathroom, they would block off the room with a toddler gate, and the man would enter the bathroom with a box and a broom.  Everyone nodded.  This was a good plan.

Rat nibbling on a ladle.
Rat nibbling on a kitchen ladle.
(Artwork by Sharon Davis. Contact us for her contact info.)

A tail was spotted from behind a decorative box on the floor.  Go-time!  The room was blocked off, the box and broom were in hand, and the man stalked into the room.

“EEEEEEEAAAAAA” The woman squealed in a voice only her dog could hear.  “I see it I see it I see it!”

“What, where?”

“I see the tail, I see the tail, right where I saw it before!”

The man tentatively pokes at the decorative box with his broom and the rat leaps out into open view for a second before scurrying to find another hiding place.  “OOOAAAAA, it’s moving!”

In response, the man pokes about with his broom.  The rat flees to the other side of the bathroom.

“EEEEEE, Oh, oh, oh, oh!!”

More poking around with the broom.

“AAAA, he’s jumping, he’s jumping!”

The man wonders just how helpful his wife is, squealing and screaming like that.  She squeaks out a string of expletives before finally crying out, “Holy crap!” as the dog looks at her as if to say, “It’s just a rat.”

The man grabs his trusty box, and, leaning in as far as he dares into the bathroom, drops it squarely on the rat.  Then, just to make sure, he uses the broom to lift the box back up.  Of course, the rat runs out to freedom, as the woman screeches again.  This is not an easy rat removal, but it is a loud one!

Finally, the man is able to drop the box on the rat again, but only then realizes the box is not taped together, and the rat will likely be able to jump right out.

“It’s structurally unsound!” the woman squeals.  She’s been impossible to understand until now, but she uses the term structurally unsound?  The man sighs and places the broom on top of the box in the hopes that it will keep the rat squarely inside until he arrives back on the scene with duct tape.  At least, he can look back on the incident with dignity, having refrained from screaming and sounding like . . . well, his wife.