Pigeon Control

August 11, 2011 admin Leave a comment

Before this week, I had no idea that pigeon control could control my life. My wife and I have entered into the previously unknown world of rental properties and property management, and we’re learning it involves much more than getting a tenant and collecting rents.

Since our last child moved out, we have wanted to move to a smaller, but nicer, home. Despite our grown children’s sadness at seeing their childhood home go on the market, we spent a lot of time and effort sprucing up the place to our realtor’s specifications, and hoped for the right buyer. As time passed, we hoped for any buyer. We soon realized that our beautiful home was not going to sell quickly in this depressed market. Of course, we had already located a gorgeous town home, and desperately wanted to buy it. We just needed to sell our home first.

Finally, our realtor suggested that we either drastically lower the price, or consider renting. We worked it out with our mortgage people, and thanks to some money we had stashed away, we were able to put a down payment on the town home. Fairly quickly, we found a family happy to rent our previous home. We thought we had it made.

And, then, pigeon control became a part of our life. Our rental family was nice enough. They paid their rent on time, which helped us make our mortgage payment on time. Our former neighbors never complained to us. But, they just didn’t take very good care of the house. Since they didn’t own it outright, they just let minor problems go on until they became big problems.

A couple of shingles blew off our roof during a recent thunderstorm, and instead of replacing them, or even telling us about them, our tenants just ignored it. Before long, we had a little bit of water damage in the house, and pigeons had moved into the attic. Not many pigeons, but just enough to cause a ruckus and get the attic filthy. Of course, that’s when our tenants finally called us for pigeon control.

When I went to inspect the damage and the pigeon problem, it was so gross. There were pigeon nests up there, a couple of dead pigeons, and pigeon guano everywhere. The smell was bad, and the damage was worse. I didn’t even want to think about all the tiny little mites and other bugs that might be infesting our house.

Allstate Animal Control came out and did the pigeon control for me, and they even cleaned up the mess and installed pigeon blockers. We suffered through the rest of our lease term with the renters, went back in and fixed everything up the way we like, and put the house on the market. Hopefully, this time, we’ll get buyers and not have to worry about pigeon control ever again.

Raccoons

Raccoon Control

August 10, 2011 admin Leave a comment

I thought we just needed to get the water leak fixed, but I had no idea that would mean getting raccoon control specialists out to our house first.

I can’t believe we didn’t notice the wild animal living in our attic. I suppose it went in and out while we were sleeping, or when the television was on, or when our family was just loudly playing games together or talking or fighting. For whatever reason, we didn’t notice we needed raccoon control until after I noticed the water leak damage.

This spring, when it really started raining, I would sometimes hear the sound of water dripping in the middle of the night. It drove me crazy, because I’d get up to investigate, but found nothing. I stumbled around, in the dark house, fumbling from bathroom to bathroom and checking all the faucets and listening to the toilet, but never did find the source of the dripping noise. Come to think of it, I would sometimes hear a rustling in the middle of the night, but I assumed it was our cat playing somewhere else in the house. It must have been the raccoon. I hate to think of that animal living in our home and all the nasty little bugs it brought in with it.

When the obnoxious dripping noise ended up as a slightly sagging ceiling in the upstairs hallway, we finally thought to investigate the attic area. We grabbed a small ladder, pushed up the small piece of painted drywall separating our upstairs ceiling from the attic space, and my husband climbed on up. He waited at the top of the ladder, the upper half of his body in the ceiling, to let his eyes adjust to the dim lighting conditions. I handed him a flashlight, and he brought it up, clicked it on, and turned slightly. Then, he gasped and told me there was a huge hole through which he could see sky, and that there was a raccoon growling at him from the other end of the attic.

Apparently, the raccoon decided to build a den out of the spring rain by tearing under some shingles, and ripping a wider hole around a pipe. That left our house completely exposed to the raccoon’s activities, any other wild animal that cared to come in, and the weather. We thought we’d have to get a raccoon control service as well as a roofer to come out, but it turns out that Allstate Animal Control does both – removes raccoons and repairs the damage they caused. We had them clean out and sanitize our attic while they were at it. What a mess. I hate to admit it, but I was grateful we had a water leak so we could find out we needed raccoon control.

Squirrels

Squirrel Control

August 9, 2011 admin Leave a comment

Whoever thought fermented pumpkins were a good idea for squirrel control was perhaps partaking from some of their own fermented drink. As a squirrel, I guess I’m a bit of a lightweight, because it didn’t take me long to get completely and totally drunk from those pumpkins rotting on the vine.

I have several squirrel nests around this area, including one in a backyard tree and (shhhhh, don’t tell anyone) a squirrel nest in their attic. So far, they haven’t discovered the one in the attic. I manage to sneak in and out of there without waking anyone up, because it’s really early in the morning when I leave, and they never check that attic space. I adore that nesting material they so thoughtfully laid down along the whole floor. It’s insulating, it’s soft and I personally don’t mind the smell of my, ahem, droppings and urine. And the wood up there is just perfect for keeping my teeth filed down to the exact length I want.

These people have made no efforts at squirrel control the whole time I’ve been here, even though one of their trees is now dying because I got a little too excited chewing twigs off of it and it got diseased. No, in fact, these people even come out onto their back porch with handfuls of birdseed and other delicious nuts and treats, and laugh and laugh as they throw it out for me to stuff into my cheeks. I’m very careful to stow that food away in my other nests while they’re watching, although I have a nice little cache of food in their attic they’ll never know about until it’s too late. They’ll worry about squirrel control then, but not now.

I thought they were very kind, leaving a few pumpkins out on the vine for me. I’ve gnawed a little on the hard skin, but I was really waiting until the pumpkins rotted a little bit. They smelled so good, and I could just imagine the gooey, squishy insides and how it would taste. I had no idea it would ferment and cause me to do accidental backflips as I struggled to maintain the gigantic tree trunk in my sights and climb up to my nest. All I want to do now is curl up and sleep this off, but I can’t even get two inches off the ground. This tree just keeps spinning. And the people just keep laughing and taking pictures. Is this their idea of squirrel control? Once I can finally get my dizzy head resting safe in my nest, I may just have to plot my revenge.

Maybe I’ll chew through some wires in the attic, or perhaps I’ll invite that family of mice to share my space up there. These people will think twice before using fermented pumpkins as squirrel control in the future!

Skunks

Skunk Control

August 8, 2011 admin Leave a comment

I’m not quite sure how to go about asking my neighbor to call a skunk control company to get rid of the skunk in their yard. I’m just waiting for evidence the skunk is in my yard, so I can call for skunk control myself without making my neighbor feel weird about it.

The neighbor behind us has a very large field. They used to have horses on their lot, and then they farmed it a little, but now it’s just a big, weedy field. They’re pretty good about keeping the weeds mowed down, and their field has been home to several feral cats that have been great at keeping the mouse population down. We even feed a couple of their cats in addition to our own, because it’s nice to be worry-free about rodents like mice, rats or voles. But, we started keeping our two cats inside and we stopped feeding the cats in their field once the skunk moved in. Our neighbors love the wild animals around here, so they are refusing to get skunk control.

The neighbors have a very large shed at the end of their field closest to my yard, and a skunk has recently made its den underneath. Even though it hasn’t sprayed close to our home, the smell is still overpowering, especially when the wind is blowing our way. When my children are playing in our backyard on their swing set or in the sandbox, the wind shifts and we get a whiff of a musky wild smell. We’ve gotten kind of used to it, but it’s not pleasant. We used to be able to enjoy the smell of fresh-cut hay or the blooming cottonwood trees as we played catch or Frisbee in the backyard. But, now, we end up spending more and more of our summer outside time at a park instead of our own property, because of the skunk smell.

If our neighbors had skunk control technicians come out to get rid of the skunk, we could go back to enjoying summer at home, we could start having barbeques again, my cats could roam freely in our yard without fear of being sprayed, and I wouldn’t constantly worry about my children around a skunk or its fleas or ticks or mites, or whatever else it might have.

I’ve talked with our neighbors and they’re actually quite proud of having a wild animal living back there. Their home and backyard is far enough away from that shed that it doesn’t bother them, but it’s close enough to my yard and house that it continues to bother us. Perhaps I’ll go back to putting cat food out, while keeping my children and cats inside for a few days. Maybe that’ll be enough to lure the skunk into my yard, which would justify me calling for skunk control. I won’t even have to tell the neighbors. They’ll probably just assume the skunk moved on to someone else’s shed.

Gophers

Get Rid of Gophers

August 7, 2011 admin Leave a comment

My job is to get rid of gophers, so I will never, ever be able to stop the jokes. I’m pretty new at this animal control company. We specialize in trapping animals, getting rid of wild animals, getting snakes out of people’s homes or businesses, taking care of bird problems, and yard pests like voles or moles. Since I’m new, they started me out on the easier animals. I’ve assisted the more experienced guys with trapping skunks or opossum control, but that’s all I’ve done with the larger wild animals – assist.

Until I get more experience, right now I’m the guy who’s always sent out to trap the smaller, less vicious animals, like mice or moles. I get rid of gophers, for example. And, I’ve gotten really good at it, too. I learned on the job, and now I’ve developed my own technique that makes me really efficient, and I started getting some respect from some of my co-workers.

And then, the gopher attacked.

Most of the time, I use gopher traps that humanely kill the gopher on impact. It gets rid of gophers effectively. People get so sick of gophers digging through their yards or gardens, killing off plants and grass, and throwing big mounds of dirt all over the place. Lawn mower blades get broken, kids or animals can step in the holes and hurt themselves, and predators are attracted to homes or yards where gophers live. So, it is a real service that I provide.

One day, as I was setting gopher traps to get rid of gophers out of a cornfield, a gopher actually crawled up out of its hole and walked right up to me, finally perching on my boot. I looked at it really closely, and it didn’t look sick or anything. When I shooed it off, it went off a little ways, and then jumped right up into my truck. Weirdest thing I’d ever seen a gopher do. But, it wasn’t hurting anything. So, I finished setting the traps, got into my truck, and headed back into the office, keeping an eye on the creature. The little thing just hung out on the floor on the passenger’s side of the truck, cute as could be. I figured I’d take it into the office and let the guys see it for themselves, and then get rid of the gopher.

I carried it in the office, with thick gloves on my hands, and even the lady who helps with billing thought it was cute. But, wouldn’t you know, the thing leaped out of my hands, and then ran around on the floor, leaping and actually kind of gnashing at my feet, if gophers can gnash. It just surprised me, is all, and that’s the only reason I fell backwards over a chair. It ran over my chest, which made me swat at it like a crazy man, while all the other guys just stood there laughing. Finally, I composed myself enough to stand up, put the chair back, and catch the little troublemaker.

The guys awarded me a t-shirt that says “I survived a gopher attack,” which I proudly wear all the time now.

Rats

Get Rid of Rats

August 6, 2011 admin Leave a comment

These people, these cats, dogs and stupid birds all think they know how to get rid of rats, but the only way I’m leaving my home is if a real professional rat trapper comes in here and drags me out, kicking and screaming. I’ve been here long enough to have established my residency, so they can just kiss my little furry rat tail if they think they can run me out.

I was drawn to this place when I was a young rat. There’s a feed mill nearby, and even though it was tough to get inside the mill itself, because it was protected against me and my friends like they harbored told inside, there was still enough grain that blew away in the wind, fell, or was left out long enough for us to feast like kings. Our lean days were over. Not only that, but there was a perfect little farm nearby, with lots of perfect places in which to nest. While some of my bolder friends chose to dangerously nest inside of the barn, I preferred a tunnel and burrow in the ground, under a nut tree. The people who own the place got rid of the rats inside the barn, but there are still a few of us around who remember what it was like to live in the fields, chased by the machines and cats, and merely hoping we could enjoy a meager meal each day.

The feed mill still operates, but the barn cats, the guard dogs, and the rat traps that people set out got rid of most of the rats long ago. There are still a few of us that were wiser in our choice of home, and are more secure. We feast, and I admit, I’ve gotten fatter than I’d like, but I’m still lightning fast and can strike quickly when I need to.

Recently, a huge flock of blackbirds discovered the feed mill, and realized there wasn’t as much competition for the food as exists in other places. It started out with just a few birds, which didn’t bother me much. But, birds talk and yammer more than any other creature I know, and before long, there were hundreds here, gossiping and cawing and taking over the place. They acted like they discovered it first.

Until then, my little burrow under the tree had been a perfectly quiet spot. Then, it was taken over by these bird pests, and they got increasingly more aggressive. Before I knew it, they were eating all the feed before I had a chance to get to it, and they were guarding the entrance to my burrow to keep me from getting out. What wild cats, guard dogs and rat traps had failed to do, these birds just might pull off. They were going to get rid of rats just by being annoying.

Fine, I’m going to fight for it. Show these birds who’s boss. That’s why this morning, I crept up to the entrance of my burrow with all the stealth I could muster, and then pounced on one of those annoying birds! Made the other ones think, I can assure you. Like I said, it’ll take a professional trapper to get rid of this rat.

Voles

Get Rid of Voles

August 5, 2011 admin Leave a comment

I started my day off wondering if I would remember everything we wanted to bring to the park for my daughter’s birthday party, and got sidetracked wondering how to get rid of voles.

My daughter is turning six, and since she has a June birthday, it is a perfect time of the year to host a birthday party outside at a park. I’m bringing water balloons, several bikes for the kids to ride, water guns, her presents, a soccer ball, a basketball, a kite and a couple of Frisbees for all of her friends and cousins to play with while the adults supervise and talk. Of course, I can’t forget the cake, the lemonade, the tablecloth, the paper plates and plastic spoons . . . the list goes on and on.

So, I spent the night before writing up a list of all the things I need to remember to bring, and then checking them off as I gathered them together. The morning of the party, I lugged two huge bags, one of the bikes and a couple of balls out to the car, struggled with the keys, and popped open the trunk to commence packing the car with birthday swag, games and food. I stopped cold, though, when I looked at my trunk, which was supposed to be empty.

Instead of an empty trunk, I faced a mountain of shredded fabric. It had once been the felt cover separating the spare tire from everything else, but no more. Scattered throughout the trunk, all around this pile of destroyed felt, were seeds and small animal droppings.

As I stood there in shock, wondering what on earth this could mean, and trying to keep the birthday items from crashing to the ground, a little creature darted out from within the mound of insulation, ran across the inside of my trunk, across the spare tire, and hid behind the emergency supply of water I keep in there. I’m proud to say that I kept my cool, and slowly walked back to the front door, where I safely deposited all the items that threatened to fall at any moment. Birthday party games intact, I walked back to the open trunk and peered again inside, wondering how I was going to get rid of this vole.

Unfortunately, that is when I noticed the hole-like entrance into the vole’s “burrow.” Taking a breath, I got a little closer, and noticed several tiny little vole babies fast asleep, believing they were completely secure in their home. Now, it wasn’t just a question of getting rid of one vole, but several voles.

But, I was a mom, and I had a daughter who counted on me to give her a fun birthday party, and I knew I could figure out a way. I wonder how quickly a vole removal service could get out here . . .

Woodpeckers

Get Rid of Woodpeckers

August 4, 2011 admin Leave a comment

How do you get rid of woodpeckers when your home is under attack by a woodpecker with an anger management problem? Look, these nice people and I have an understanding. They provide me with a hollow box with an opening just big enough for me to get in and out of, and a protected space inside that is perfect for my nest. The hole is too small for most predators like larger birds or squirrels to steal my eggs, I’m safe from the wind and rain, and when my babies hatch, they can peep out of the opening and wait for my return with juicy worms. In return, I give the people a nice nature show, since they like to carefully ooh and aaah over my eggs and watch me jump and leap and fly. Occasionally, they even sweeten the deal with some delicious bird seed they throw outside.

It’s been absolutely wonderful, until this crazy bird came around. Now I have to worry about how to get rid of woodpeckers. For some reason, it thinks that it should live in my bird house, just because it’s bigger or flashier or has a harder beak than me. Those aren’t good enough reasons! I was here first. Plus, these people want me here, not some stupid woodpecker.

But, it’s going absolutely nutso on me. It’s pounding on the walls and the ceiling, and I have to keep on my toes to keep from getting skewered. Really! Won’t these people do anything to get rid of woodpeckers? If they want me around so much, they need to make sure I stay alive long enough to lay eggs. It’s just a big bully.

I think it must have overheard me telling someone about my wonderful nesting site. I didn’t mean to brag about it. It’s just so exciting to have found a safe and easy place in which to build my nest. Now, I can just spend my time looking for soft building materials and eating as many grubs and worms as I can find instead of wasting all my energy flitting from one site to the next, hoping to build a home there.

The woodpecker must have followed me back, though, because, no sooner did I get home with some excellent twine to add to my nest than the pounding and pecking and hammering began. As if the noise isn’t bad enough here inside my hollow box, every time I stick my head up, the woodpecker’s beak nearly skewers me. And, now I’m trapped inside. I can’t get out, because there is no let-up in its frenzied attack. It just keeps going at me and at my box. Does this woodpecker just want me to die of fright so it can get me out of here and come in? I doubt she can even fit inside the hole. At least I hope she can’t.

Why, oh, why won’t these people get rid of this woodpecker? If it ever leaves, I may have to leave and find a more secret and safer site, and then they won’t have any sweet little baby birds to watch as they hatch and learn how to fly. Serves them right!

Swallows

Get Rid of Swallows

August 3, 2011 admin Leave a comment

I’m just a sweet, old tabby cat who wants to take naps in the soft grass in the backyard instead of worrying about how to get rid of swallows.

There is a spot in the backyard that is a little spot of cat heaven. It has been my spot and mine only for the last three summers. The grass is soft, and wonderfully fragrant right after a good mow, the sun hits it just right in the morning, so it’s warm on my belly, but not too warm. It’s right in between the house, where I have food and water, and the grouping of trees with its luscious and plentiful squirrels and birds. I can chase them, if I want to, but as the years go by, I prefer to think about the chase as their chitters and chirps invade my cat dreams in the sun.

But, this year is different. This year, my perfect napping spot is tainted by the presence of swooping, angry mud swallows. At first, I enjoyed watching them as they flew between the small nearby pond and the house, tiny bits of mud in their beaks. They would daub the mud up onto the house itself, right under the eaves, building up a nest. I didn’t think much of it, although occasionally I would gather up enough strength to rise and swat at them as they flew overhead, especially after a little glob of mud rained down on my nose.

Now the nest is built, and I thought it would mean the end of the incessant flying back and forth and back and forth. Little did I know it was about to become worse. Now, my thoughts are on how to get rid of swallows instead of dreaming of chasing squirrels and deciding whether to go inside and eat or stay and sleep.

The eggs have hatched, and the tiny baby birds are amazingly noisy, keeping me from fully falling into my cat dreams. To make matters worse, the two adult swallows now see me as a threat, and actually try to chase me out of my perfect cat-napping spot. They swoop down on me, daring to get close enough that I think I’m going to get a beak in the neck if I’m not careful. I have to watch the two of them at once, attacking and swirling around me. I leap, and twist and bat at them with my powerful cat claws, but they circle around too fast and avoid my half-hearted attacks.

One of these days, I’ll figure out how to actually get rid of swallows. Swallows come back year after year after year, and I just don’t want to deal with the constant chirping and dizzy swooping. Sigh. Maybe I’ll just look for a new perfect napping spot.

Skunks

Get Rid of Skunks

August 2, 2011 admin Leave a comment

I thought I was doing a good thing when I tried to get rid of the skunk out of the window well, but, instead, it acted like I was some huge, vicious, nasty dog that was attacking it.

My wife had decided this weekend was the perfect time to do spring cleaning, which meant a) no golf, b) a big honey-do list, and c) the kids would be bored out of their minds. My wife does an amazing job with the house and the yard, and she works, and she takes care of all of us, so when she gets her mind set on spring-cleaning, I try to be as supportive as possible. I tried to prepare the kids. I gave them each a list of simple chores they could do, and when they were done, I presented them with a soccer ball and backyard goal. My wife was happy they did their work, and she was happy they were happy, and she was happy that I was helping her out.

I was in the middle of a particularly grimy job in the garage when my little nine year-old girl came in screaming. Her scream echoed in the nearly empty garage and pierced my ears, but then I finally understood the words she was hurling at me. “Skunk!! Daddy, there’s a skunk in the backyard!”

Skunk spray — A skunk getting ready to spray you.
(Artwork by Sharon Davis. Contact us for her contact info.)

I rushed out, calling out to the kids that they were to stay far away from it while I assessed the situation and figured out a way to get rid of the skunk. Following my daughter’s directions, I saw the skunk trapped in one of the deep window wells. I cursed myself. Getting window well covers was actually on my honey-do list, and I was putting it off until the next day. Woulda, coulda, shoulda, I told myself.

We get a lot of wild animals around our house, so I had already rigged up a make-shift animal catcher for emergencies. My wife came out of the house, and stopped, eyes wide. “Don’t you dare,” she warned. “That thing’ll spray you, and the smell will get all over the house.”

“Trust me. I know how to get rid of skunks,” I assured her, even though I knew I’d never done it before. I actually managed to slip the leash around the skunk and pulled it free of the window well trap. Thinking I had done my good deed for the day, I expected the skunk to give me a warm look thanking me before trundling off to freedom in the woods. Instead, it bared its sharp teeth at me and growled, as if I had attacked it. When it turned around and prepared to spray, my wife and kids retreated around to the other side of the house, while my wife grumbled something that sounded dangerously like, “I told you so.” Well, some of us learn the hard way, I guess.

Trapper Tails

Monthly Archives: August 2011