Tag Archives: swallow nest

Exterminator

Davis County Exterminator

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I so desperately want the Davis County Exterminator to get rid of my brother.  Look, we’re all baby swallows, tucked up safely in this nest under the eaves of someone’s house.  But, I swear, this nest is getting smaller and smaller by the day.  He’s just crowding me out and cramping my style.

Mom went through a lot of trouble to make this mud nest for us before we were born.  Bit by bit, she brought tiny chunks of mud from a small distance away and stuck it up on this stucco, right over someone’s front door.  She brought in some tiny twigs to help give it structure and took her time to build it just right.  Sure, some of it fell down and spattered across the doorstep, and some of it inevitably got dropped on cars or sidewalks on her way back and forth.  But, it’s wonderfully safe, making it extra hard for any predators to get to us.  And Mom says now that us baby birds are here, the Davis County exterminator has to obey really specific laws about how to remove barn swallows, so we’re pretty safe even now.  I don’t want the Davis County exterminator to get rid of all of us, just my brother.

After we hatched, Mom worked super hard to keep us fed, and let me tell you, we’re ALWAYS hungry.  All day long, the four of us crowd at the tiny nest opening, sticking our heads out, opening our beaks as wide as possible, and taking our turns getting fed.  But, not my brother.  He always pushes and shoves, and switches places with us to try to trick Mom into feeding him twice before she gets to the rest of us.  You know, he almost pushed me right out of the nest the other day, and since he gets fed more, he’s getting bigger and bigger and it’s getting harder and harder to push back.  But, the rest of us baby swallows have had it.  We’re saying enough is enough and starting to fight back.

My sister came up with a great idea the other day.  When Mom flies off for another morsel of food, she stands up, gets on the edge of the nest, and turns around to poop out of the nest.  We learned to do that early on – let the poop fall down out of the nest onto the front step of this house instead of staining our own nest.  Well, when she’s done, she spreads her wings just a little wider and pushes big brother further back into the nest.  By that time, Mom’s back and the rest of us get a fighting chance to get the food.  It was perfect until big brother caught on.  Now we’re back to getting pushed around a lot.  So, I’m wondering, what would it take to get the Davis County exterminator to get rid of one big baby swallow?

Swallows

Swallow Removal

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“My job is to sell cars, not remove swallows,” I protested.  I’d only been working at this used car dealership for three weeks, but I’d already had this conversation with my boss several times.  She looked annoyed at me, which was dangerous, because I really needed this job.  Already it was paying better than my last job, and I’d been able to pay off a credit card bill down to a zero balance, so I wanted to keep it.  I was really good at it, too, and I knew my boss was as happy as I was with my success.  She was also tired of having this conversation with me.

“How do you expect to sell cars when there is a swallows nest in the undercarriage?  Or when it’s all covered in bird droppings?”  She sighed.  She was excellent at her job, too.  I just found out she’d been here less than a year, but she’d pretty much saved the car lot from going under.  She’d hired better salesmen, got a great working relationship with a local bank that offered good rates to our customers, and improved the look of the place to attract more business.  It had paid off and the place was making more money than it ever had.

But, over the last few weeks, she found out she had a swallow removal problem.  Swallows descended on the car lot, for some reason.  They made little mud nests in every nook and cranny they could find.  Mud nests were tucked up under the eaves of the main building.  We’d found swallow nests in wheel wells, car undercarriages, and in the rafters of the garage we used to detail the cars.  Swallows return year after year to their roost, and the previous manager hadn’t done anything about it, so we now had a booming swallow population on site.

Under new management, swallow removal was added to every employee’s job description.  And, I was getting tired of it.  I wanted to get to work, dressed nicely and ready to sell cars.  Instead, I had to help hose down half-built nests.  I’d carry special cloths to wipe swallow poop off a car that I wanted to show a client, and then I’d feel filthy until I was able to get back inside and sanitize my hand.  Sales meetings focused on swallow removal techniques instead of the best sales methods.   We’d tossed around ideas ranging from covering the entire lot in bird wire to installing a sonic bird repellant device.  A co-worker half-jokingly suggested getting a falcon or two to get rid of the swallows.

I knew this was a real sticking point with my boss, and it was for all of us, too.  She didn’t want to sink a lot of money into a scheme that might not work, and I think she was hoping the problem would just go away soon.  I handed her the phone number of a swallow removal service, and she finally conceded that it would cost her a lot less money to get professionals out here to get rid of the swallows.  Maybe, just maybe, we won’t have to go through this again next year.

Swallows

Get Rid of Swallows

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get rid of swallows
            We’d been trying to get rid of swallows over the last couple of weeks.  They were trying to build their nest right above our front door, and the mess was terrible.  Bird droppings and bits of mud just littered our door step.  So, we’d knock it down before they finished building the nest and sweep it away, just to have them come right back and start again the next day.  It was irritating, but we just had to be vigilant and get rid of the swallows’ nest every day before they finished.

            Then one day, I went into my laundry room to transfer the clothes from the washing machine to the dryer, and I was startled by hearing this rustling sound.  I have no pets or children, so the sound was unnerving.  Again, this scratching, scrabbling sound, a rustle, and then quiet.  Just gave me the creeps, especially since I was alone in the house, but I had to find out what was making that noise.

            I listened again, and figured out the sound was coming from behind the dryer.  I grabbed a broom, but really had no idea what I would do when I came face to face with whatever was making that noise.  I took a deep breath, wondering if I should wait until my husband came home.  “No, I’m a big girl and can handle this, whatever this is,” I told myself.  Crawling around the dryer, I squished myself into the small space between the wall and the appliance, scared something would come running out at me.

            But, nothing did.  And then I saw the strangest thing.  The dryer vent jumped.  I cracked my head on the shelf overhanging the dryer in my shock, and then composed myself again.  At least whatever it was, it was contained within the dryer vent.  Oh, crap!  It jumped again! 

            Okay, enough was enough.  I tossed the broom out of the room, and prepared to grab the dryer vent out of the wall and the dryer simultaneously.  Whatever it was, it was going to have to leave, and now.  Counting to three . . . then to five . . . then to ten, I finally jerked the vent hose free of both connections and held the ends together, the silvery hose forming a circle.  The bottom of the circle jumped and bounced, hitting my shins, but I kept the ends firmly together and marched out of that laundry room, up the stairs, and, realized I needed at least one hand to open the front door.  I maneuvered an elbow to undo the deadbolt, and then, with my two pinky fingers, managed somehow to open the door. 

            I took two steps out onto the porch and threw the entire silvery hose out into the front lawn, watching in suspense to see what would come out.  To my surprise, two swallows flew out of the hose and up into the tree, angry and terrified.  I hadn’t expected birds, and I didn’t expect them to be the very same birds trying to build a nest on our front porch.  Well, I was determined to get rid of swallows one way or another, and I guess they were just as determined to use my house, one way or another.