Tag Archives: bird droppings

Get Rid of Swallows

get rid of swallows
            We’d been trying to get rid of swallows over the last couple of weeks.  They were trying to build their nest right above our front door, and the mess was terrible.  Bird droppings and bits of mud just littered our door step.  So, we’d knock it down before they finished building the nest and sweep it away, just to have them come right back and start again the next day.  It was irritating, but we just had to be vigilant and get rid of the swallows’ nest every day before they finished.

            Then one day, I went into my laundry room to transfer the clothes from the washing machine to the dryer, and I was startled by hearing this rustling sound.  I have no pets or children, so the sound was unnerving.  Again, this scratching, scrabbling sound, a rustle, and then quiet.  Just gave me the creeps, especially since I was alone in the house, but I had to find out what was making that noise.

            I listened again, and figured out the sound was coming from behind the dryer.  I grabbed a broom, but really had no idea what I would do when I came face to face with whatever was making that noise.  I took a deep breath, wondering if I should wait until my husband came home.  “No, I’m a big girl and can handle this, whatever this is,” I told myself.  Crawling around the dryer, I squished myself into the small space between the wall and the appliance, scared something would come running out at me.

            But, nothing did.  And then I saw the strangest thing.  The dryer vent jumped.  I cracked my head on the shelf overhanging the dryer in my shock, and then composed myself again.  At least whatever it was, it was contained within the dryer vent.  Oh, crap!  It jumped again! 

            Okay, enough was enough.  I tossed the broom out of the room, and prepared to grab the dryer vent out of the wall and the dryer simultaneously.  Whatever it was, it was going to have to leave, and now.  Counting to three . . . then to five . . . then to ten, I finally jerked the vent hose free of both connections and held the ends together, the silvery hose forming a circle.  The bottom of the circle jumped and bounced, hitting my shins, but I kept the ends firmly together and marched out of that laundry room, up the stairs, and, realized I needed at least one hand to open the front door.  I maneuvered an elbow to undo the deadbolt, and then, with my two pinky fingers, managed somehow to open the door. 

            I took two steps out onto the porch and threw the entire silvery hose out into the front lawn, watching in suspense to see what would come out.  To my surprise, two swallows flew out of the hose and up into the tree, angry and terrified.  I hadn’t expected birds, and I didn’t expect them to be the very same birds trying to build a nest on our front porch.  Well, I was determined to get rid of swallows one way or another, and I guess they were just as determined to use my house, one way or another.

Woodpecker Removal

woodpecker removal
When will my people finally DO something and call a woodpecker removal service???  As a cat, I own this place.  I know all the best napping spots, the warmest windows to sit in, and exactly how to annoy the dog.  It is most upsetting to hear this constant tap-tap-tapping on the roof, on the walls.  That noise invades my beautiful dreams of chasing bubbles and nibbling cat nip. 

            You cannot imagine how crazy I get, staring out the window at the source of that awful noise.  There it is, a beautiful big bird, a woodpecker, listening to the scrabblings of spiders in the walls and taking out little notches from the house.  I chatter and try to climb the window, but the bird doesn’t even care.  It just goes about its business like I’m not even there.  If only I could get outside and climb that wall!

            It is definitely time to get some woodpecker removal people out here.  Even the stupid dog is starting to go crazy.  Admittedly, it’s fun to watch him jump and bark at the ceiling.  He runs around in circles, ears laid back, yipping and whining.  Sometimes his barks even scare the bird away long enough for me to settle back down and close my eyes for a bit.  But, then, that annoying scrabble as the woodpecker lands on the house again, the tip-tap-tip-tap starts up, and then he goes at it in earnest.  TAP-TAP-TAP-TAP!!  Really, how is a cat supposed to stretch, quietly knead the blankets on the bed, yawn and sleep when this racket is going on? 

            And, I doubt my people have even thought of what could happen next.  Never mind the awful noise, and the smelly bird droppings.  The holes in the house will probably be a pain to fix, but they’d better fix them, because those holes will let in all sorts of other creatures.  Spiders, bugs, squirrels, mice . . . wait a minute!  Hmmm, if some of THOSE get in here, tasty, tasty meals await me!  Ah, the thrill of chasing a mouse from room to room, catching it, letting it go and run through the children’s room with whatever diseases it’s carrying, catching it again, toying with it before I finally chomp down on the delicious little creature . . .

            On second thought, I really hope my people don’t get around to woodpecker removal.  Those holes the woodpecker leaves behind could really work out in my favor!

Swallow Removal

swallow removal
“Hey there, Lila, you call for swallow removal, yet?”  Emily asked her neighbor.

            “What do you mean?  Why would we want those pretty little birds removed?”  Lila was a pretty brunette who loved animals a little too much, in Emily’s opinion.  Emily liked her home pristine and cats, dogs, birds and turtles were just mess-makers in her opinion.  Lila, however, liked the company and noise of her animals, and obviously enjoyed watching wild creatures, too. 

            “What?  You don’t want to get rid of them?” Emily asked, incredulous. 

            “Why on earth would I do that?  I just love to watch little Miss Flighty build her nest.  She’s so pretty.”

            Inside, Emily groaned.  Lila had actually named the little bird, and it wasn’t even a clever name.  She probably had picked out names for all the babies in eggs that hadn’t even been laid yet. 

            “Well, I guess you don’t mind the mess she’s making on your front porch,” Emily said, as nicely as she could.  The little bird was building her mud nest, bit by bit, on the stucco overhang right over the front porch.  The porch itself was slowly accumulating a pile of mud and bird droppings.  Emily knew it was going to stain the concrete, but she also knew Lila probably didn’t care one way or the other about her front porch.

            Lila, however, was enjoying watching the little bird from her window.  She loved noting the daily progress of nest-making.  Swallow removal hadn’t even crossed her mind.  She was an avid bird-watcher, and had put up several bird feeders in her back yard.  This was a real treat for her.

            Emily tried again.  “I sure hope no one slips on the bird droppings and falls.  They could sue.”  Emily wasn’t really known for her tact. 

            That got Lila to thinking.  She’d been cited before by the city for having too many pets than were allowed, and didn’t like to think what would happen if she were sued by someone.  But, still, these were beautiful wild creatures and she loved watching nature take its course.  She said as much to Emily.

            Emily nodded, and said she figured the joy of bird-watching probably outweighed the likelihood of legal action.  But, then, she brought up something that Lila hadn’t known.  Swallow bugs. 

            “Swallow bugs?”  Lila asked.

            “Oh, yes, they’re blood suckers and they live on the birds.  Of course, they sometimes drop off and infest wherever the birds are living.  They’re like fleas and will attack cats or dogs or . . .”

            Lila called for swallow removal the moment Emily left.