Category Archives: Birds


I have always been sensitive to loud and repetitive sounds, my ears aren’t sensitive or anything, they just drive me up the wall.  Pen clicking, slurping, tapping, you name it and I probably can’t stand it.  Now I don’t know what I did to earn this kind of karma, but I have a woodpecker problem. And it doesn’t appear to be just one woodpecker, either, actually it’s a nest of them. If I had known about the problem sooner, it would never have gotten to this point.

I know what you’re thinking, “If sound bothers you that much, how in the world does a woodpecker pecking at your house slip past you?” I went to stay with my parents in Minnesota for two week to both celebrate Christmas and get some skiing in for the year.  Trust me, I found out about the woodpecker the day I got back. I was putting in a load of laundry when I first heard the drumming on the outside wall of my house.  No sound has ever made me as frustrated as that sound did; it pierced my soul and I felt every tap beat along with my pulse.  It was nauseating.  I grabbed my headphones, put on some white noise, and went outside to find the culprit.

There, on the corner of the second story, I could see a hole and a few feet to the right was the woodpecker himself, working on another.  I climbed up on a ladder to stuff the hole with an old shirt but I discovered a nest inside, and inside of the nest were four ugly, pink babies.  I can NOT live my entire life in a house with a woodpecker problem, surviving the next couple of weeks until the baby birds are big enough to leave the nest and I can hire someone to help get the other one to leave.  Wish me luck!

Like Moths to a Flame

I don’t know what it is about it, but wild animals are attracted to my garage.  I’m serious!  I’m more accustomed to walking into the garage and finding a random animal than not.  Usually they’re just one time sights and then they’re gone, but occasionally the animal (whatever species) will stick around for a while.  There have only been two times where we had to call a wildlife specialist in to remove them, however.  The first time was a squirrel nest about five winters ago.  They crawled in through a hole where the wall met the roof and began nesting on top of the fuse box.  We thought they were just coming in from the cold for a couple of days but soon we discovered they had actually had babies!  We ended up having to wait a couple of months when the little ones were mobile and would be able to survive outside of the nest before a professional came and removed them; that was an adventure.

While the squirrels were frustrating (mother squirrels are very defensive!), that was nothing compared to the raccoons.  It was summer time about two years ago, I still to this day do not know how they got in but one night I came home from work to see one full grown raccoon staring at me as my garage door opened.  I pulled in hoping it would run out the door but instead it scrambled up to the top of our storage shelves.  Again, I left it alone hoping it would be gone by morning. Instead, the next day I woke up to find my car covered in dirty paw prints and to see several of our storage boxes knocked over and opened.  This happened every night for about two weeks before we could get someone to come out and get rid of them.

In between the squirrels, the raccoons, and now, we’ve had a few other interesting run in’s; these, however, were just small.  Not long after we first moved in, my husband went into the garage for a bike pump and got sprayed by a skunk that had wandered in the night before (that was a bad day).  A couple of months ago my daughter found a bat hanging from the roof, not long before that we had a robin sleeping on the garage door runners, and just last week we had an actual deer sleeping on the dog bed! Along with a few other random encounters and a mice problem a few years back, I can’t figure out what animals are so attracted to in my garage!  I guess it’s a mystery we’ll never solve.

Birds Eye

We have two birds in our attic, I’m not exactly sure how they got in there or what kind of birds they are but they’ve been there for about 5 days.  My husband was hanging up new Christmas lights when he found a large hole left by a woodpecker in the siding of our house.  When he went into the attic to patch it, he was met by a lot of flapping wings and screeching from the birds he startled (and that startled him).  Since then we have only been opening the door and not going inside, we don’t want the birds to hurt themselves from flying erratically and we also don’t want them to attack us.

We went to Amazon and ordered a bird cage to try and trap them, thanks to Prime we were able to get it in just a couple of days and set it up right inside of the doorway baited with some bird seed. The only problem is that it’s been a few days since then and we haven’t had any luck? As far as I can tell they don’t have any access to food or water inside of the attic and we haven’t seen them coming in and out of the woodpecker hole? Either they have a different entrance than the hole that we found or they’re starving up there.

I am really worried about the situation; I don’t want the birds to die up there but I also don’t want them living there!  I’ve read a lot online about bird mites and different contaminants in their poop (depending on the species – which I still don’t know!) and it’s really starting to freak me out.  I’m not sure how long we should keep trying to catch them ourselves before we need to bring in a professional. We already tried calling the local animal control and they told us this wasn’t there kind of job, what does that even mean!  I guess until we figure it out, we’re just stuck with two birds in our attic. Yippee!

Sky Rodents

I have a pigeon problem, thanks to my overly generous, grandmotherly neighbor. Now I’m not saying that she isn’t sweet or caring, I’m just saying that she puts animals over people frequently.  If you ask her to feed your cat over the weekend while you go on a business trip, she will skip with joy; but, if you ask to borrow some sugar or eggs, she will not do so happily.  Needless to say, my needs and comfort are far from her mind when it comes to these birds.  As a spinster with no husband and no children (or at least none that I’ve ever seen), she has adopted these pigeons as her God-given kids.

This wasn’t that big of a deal at first, mostly because it didn’t start with pigeons; she just kept a small bird feeder in her backyard for the small birds that came and went.  Over the years she’s collected more and more, and it was just three months ago that the pigeon problem started.  You know how in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone all of the owls surround the Dursley’s house trying to get Harry his letter? Well, take the letters out of the scene and BINGO that is what her house looked like after a month or so.  She fed one and they just kept coming! And before I knew it they were starting to roost on my roof and make an awful mess!

I’ve tried talking to her and asking her to stop feeding the birds to see if just maybe they’ll leave, but like I said these are her kids and it doesn’t seem like there’s any way to get her to agree to that one. I believe her exact words when I asked if she would be willing to stop feeding the birds were, “you selfish little woman, can’t you just put your own needs aside for one minute to appreciate what’s happening here?” I’m not joking, that’s almost verbatim for what she said.   I know I can’t force her to stop feeding them and I can’t hire someone to get them off her property, but if someone could help me control the birds on my property I’d be very grateful!

A Bird’s Barrage

I have never had a mortal enemy before, I have never truly hated anyone or anything.  Until now; now I know what it is to loathe.  This will sound crazy, but there’s a bird that lives in a tree on campus that has it out for me.  Don’t laugh and don’t stop reading, give me a chance to explain what has been happening.  I’m not the only student that feels this way, and it’s not just students, either!  I’ve seen teachers attacked before, too.  This is the Freddy Krueger of birds.

She moved onto campus about two weeks ago.  It could have been sooner but that was when I noticed her.  She didn’t start terrorizing anyone until last week.  I think that she moved in, build a nest, laid eggs, and is now on constant alert.  I don’t really blame her for that because I would protect my kids from crazy high school students, too, but she really takes it a step too far.  From the second I step off the bus, I have to keep my eyes peeled.  There hasn’t been a morning yet when she hasn’t dived at someone that was trying to get into the school, and she hits with full force.  It’s not like it’s a scare tactic, she doesn’t just swoop down and fly away.  She comes down, talons bared, and will literally grab you by the hair.  It’s a nightmare.

Whenever we take it to the administration, they tell us that the school board is handling it, but I think that they like it.  They give us tests right after holiday breaks, why not release a demon bird on the student body? All I know is that I am just about ready to catch this bird myself.  Now that I think about it, I could relocate it to the principal’s office. Senior Prank anyone?

Birds in the Office

When I took this job, I guess I didn’t know exactly what I was in for. My first day, I discovered that there were birds in the ceiling! It might not be that big of a deal if it wasn’t a desk job.  Meaning I just sit there and listen to those birds chirp and chirp and chirp for hours on end!  It’s unbelievable.  I knew this job would have its quirks, all jobs do; I just didn’t know that quirks and chirps were synonyms. I love birds, don’t get me wrong, I just think that they belong outside and not in the ceiling tiles over my head!

You might think that I’m overreacting, saying to yourself that having birds in the ceiling can’t be that bad.  If you’re thinking that I could just use headphones to drown out the sound and not pay attention to them, you’re right, I could.  The problem with that, is that you don’t know the entire story.  It’s not just the chirping, there have been incidents with the birds outside of the ceiling tiles!  Just last week one flew down through the office and perched in a small, fake tree we have by the door. The week before that I came into the office ready for the day only to find three birds and a pile of poop on my desk!  It is getting out of hand, and I’ve just about had it.

Trying to focus in an open office can be hard enough, no one asked for these birds in our ceiling, or at least I didn’t. It’s distracting me from my work, its sending my anxiety over the edge, and it’s really ruining my love of birds. The owners are calling someone in to take a look and try and get rid of them, but I’m not sure I can wait that long.  I love this job, I hate these birds.  It’s hard enough to focus when you’re in an open floor office without cubicles let alone when you’re always on edge just waiting for a pterodactyl to swoop down and tear out your hair! Okay, I’m exaggerating now, but I’m not kidding about the hair.  A woman just down the row from me was at her desk last week, eating her lunch, having a great day when BOOM, a bird landed right on her head and started pecking at her face! You can’t tell me that I’m overreacting or that this isn’t getting out of hand.  I pay good money to rent this space, they need to put good money into getting these birds out of the ceiling, out of the office, and out of my life!

Woodpeckers in the Attic

I can’t take much more of this.  For two months I’ve shared my home with the woodpeckers in the attic and I’ve just about had my fill.  The only reason they’ve been there this long is that my daughter loves Looney Toons and has become quite fond of the Tweety Bird, and when she overheard her dad and I talking about ‘getting rid’ of them, she had a tantrum.  Now she sits up and listens for them to  peck in the morning, and it’s driving me Looney!  I’m a nurse and since I only recently got out of school, I work from about 4 pm to 4 am (and various times around that), and when I get home and try to get a quick nap in BEFORE Anna wakes up, those birds don’t do me much good.

Not only do they start their morning routine around 5 o’clock, they also like to rustle around and make additions to their nest during the day, the only time I can get any sleep.  Oh, did I mention that the attic is conveniently located right above MY bedroom?  Because it is!  Now for a couple of days I didn’t mind the birds in the attic, then they started to get annoying as they started to peck on various things, and now, I CAN’T STAND THEM.  I love my daughter with all of my heart, but I will die from exhaustion if I don’t get them out of here, and quick.

Truthfully, I don’t know how to get rid of them.  I’d be more likely to perform a successful appendectomy than to remove these woodpeckers on my own, and as wonderful and handy as my husband is, he will only do more harm than good trying to do it.  A few years ago my neighbor had troubles with gophers and called a wonderful trapper, I’m just praying that she still has his card because I’m really losing my mind right now.  It’s not only affecting my sleep and mood, but my job too; it’s not exactly ethical to fall asleep while checking a patient’s temperature now is it?  I’m down to my last straw, and its Wildlife Removal.  If they know what’s good for them they’ll get rid of the woodpeckers in my attic.

Birds Nest in the Garage

When you have a six-year old daughter, getting rid of the birds nest in your garage is far from easy. Instead of just swatting it down and chasing its owner away like you would normally do, you’re asked to “not hurt the babies” and, “give me the nest I’ll be the mom”. Neither of which are on your mind at the time, or at least they weren’t on mine when my daughter Vanessa and I discovered the Swallows that had been crafting themselves a home in the rafters of my garage. She was ecstatic to see the nest since they had a lesson on birds in her Kindergarten class just days before, and desperately wanted me to take a picture for her. Since she’s my one and only little girl, I obliged and pulled out the ladder so I could get a closer image. Big mistake. Instead of just finding some feathers, twigs, and grass like I expected, I found six tiny white eggs decorated with small red dots, and one had the beginning of a crack going right down the side.
Climbing down, I hesitantly showed Ness the picture I had taken, I had done my best to zoom out so she might not recognize what the little white spots were, but she knew right off. She ran from the garage quicker than a fox, her little legs pumping furiously. Once I realized where she was going, I chased after her. If her mom found out about the little birds living in the garage just waiting to hatch, I would have seven kids instead of one. Luck wasn’t on my side however, my wife just happened to pick that day to sit outside and weed her garden, I had no chance of getting that picture back from Vanessa in time.
Sure enough, once the word was out about the birds nest in the garage, there was no getting rid of it. Instead I was ordered to regularly check on the nest to make sure that the parents hadn’t abandoned it and to see if any new progress had been made on the hatching. Soon enough there were five ugly, pink birds (one didn’t make it I guess) wailing for their mother, and she came. As the birds grew so did Vanessa’s interest in them, she loved to climb up and see them as they grew into bigger, stronger birds and when they left the nest, she cried for hours. As heartbroken as I was to see her so upset, I did a little rejoicing. No babies in the nest meant I was good to go on getting the thing out of there. All I can say is the next time there’s a birds nest in the garage, it’ll be gone before ANYONE knows about it.

World War III

Two weeks ago, World War III began; the battles have been raging for years, but now its war. Living in what most people would call a cabin, I have to deal with many things: the cold, the occasional splinter, and woodpeckers. There are plenty of animals where I live, but none as annoying as the infamous flying checkerboard. Owning a house made almost entirely from wood, you might be able to understand why this particular bird is such a nuisance, but if not I’ll clear it up. Woodpeckers peck holes into wood, my house is wood, and this bird only seems to work in the evening and early morning, when I’m trying to get rest. Can you imagine listening to the sound of a tiny jack hammer on your bedroom wall, all the time?
Now my specific woodpecker, didn’t start off by waking me up almost every day, but instead simply living in a tree in my backyard. I had no problem with that, I love animals! For ten years we’ve lived comfortably as neighbors, but for some reason that all changed this year. About a month or so ago I discovered the first hole drilled right above my patio doors, the next above my wife’s flower boxes, and since then they’ve doubled, maybe even tripled, and everywhere I look I see holes. Soon enough I started hearing him at 5 o’clock in the morning, the TATATATATAT was unmistakable. The rapid fire of beak on wood seemed never ending, so I declared it; World War III.
First things first, I had to build up my stockpile of defense weapons (there weren’t any actual weapons, I didn’t want to kill him); I bought myself a large, fake owl, a new stereo, some tin plates, and set to work. I posted the owl on my roof, its job: scare away all other birds, my plan is to move him every week or so to a different spot on the house. Then I connected my phone to the Bluetooth on the stereo, two can play the loud noise game. Lastly, I placed a tin plate outside my bedroom wall, above the patio, and over the front door just in case. I heard about a guy that put a picture of Obama on one side, and Hilary Clinton on the other; he said it worked great but I’m not looking to pick a fight with anyone but this woodpecker so I left it as it was. When he comes back, I’ll be ready. I will win World War III.

The Woodpecker War

My neighbor has a woodpecker problem, and I’m sorry but I think it’s so funny.  Not the problem itself, but the way he deals with it.  If my memory serves me correct, it’s been going back and forth for about two years now, but it might not have been quite that long. I know we’ve had a woodpecker in the neighborhood for much longer than that, you can almost always hear it drilling away at neighboring trees, he drilled a hole in my siding once but that was the only issue I’ve ever had with him.  But Tom (my neighbor) definitely has a serious problem.

For a little background, Tom is a single dad which in of itself isn’t something that you see every day; but his access to toys and his lack of sleep make him a force to be reckoned with.  His woodpecker problem started, like I said, about two years ago; and at first Tom tried all of the usual steps.  I saw him hang up reflectors, he bought some weird repellant to spray where the woodpecker was drilling, and when he could he patched up the holes.  You could clearly see that he was trying to reasonably get rid of the woodpecker, but after a year he had to install a metal repair trim because there was so much damage, and even after that the woodpecker came back!  I guess after that it was game on.

The yelling was the first thing, the woodpecker will drill at this little tinted window in Tom’s bedroom but when he opens it, it flies away.  So now when he opens it, he’ll yell little obscenities out at the bird.  Another thing (my personal favorite) that I’ve seen him do is shoot at the bird with his son’s Nerf gun; I’ve never seen him hit closer than 6 inches to the woodpecker but you have to appreciate the effort.  Recently I’ve watched him put out some of his kids’ little green army men up in the window seals and set up his daughter’s sound activated Robo-dog on the deck, along with a few other childish ploys.  It is the craziest thing to watch and I’m excited to see what he comes up with next!