Tag Archives: how to get rid of squirrels

Squirrels Gone Wild

The squirrels in my backyard are nutty – if you can ignore the stupid pun I just made and finish this story, you’ll see I’m being serious. About a month ago, three squirrels showed up in my backyard out of nowhere.  At first I wasn’t necessarily worried about it considering they are squirrels and they do live outside and my backyard is indeed, outside.  Why would anyone be scared of three, harmless squirrels? Well, it turns out that geese are not the only demon possessed animals in the world.  Squirrels also land in the category of unpredictably evil beasts that you can never trust.

Why am I so passionate about my vehement hatred for these squirrels? Let me just tell you.  THEY ARE VICIOUS!  They moved in to the overhang of my porch, and when I try to go outside, they hiss and basically run down the wall at my face.  So far they haven’t actually attacked me, but its close enough!  They will also bite and scratch through my screen door; in one month I’ve already had to replace it, and I don’t doubt I’ll have to do it again soon!  Considering that it is spring time, I’m very worried that they’re going to multiply and then I won’t just have adult squirrels in my backyard, but their baby demon spawn as well.

Basically, I need a solution that’s more environmentally friendly than my .22 because I’m getting closer and closer to that point every day.  I’m especially worried because in two weeks my nephews are coming to stay with me while their parents are out of town and I don’t want them to go home telling stories about the psychotic squirrels in my backyard.  I just want this problem solved ASAP.  If I can’t find someone else to take care of them for me, I’m just going to have to do it myself.  The only crazy animal allowed on my property is me!

How To Get Rid Of Squirrels

A man hunting a squirrel before the infestation comes.(Artwork by Sharon Davis. Contact us for her contact info.)
A man hunting a squirrel before the infestation comes.
(Artwork by Sharon Davis. Contact us for her contact info.)

As you’re washing dishes, you glimpse out your kitchen window and notice a squirrel tucking leaves under its chin, and wonder why people would want to know how to get rid of squirrels.  You realize he must be making a nest somewhere nearby and think it’s wonderful to live so close to nature.  The squirrel carefully balances its load, scrabbles up a nearby tree, up and out of sight.  Turning off the water, you hear a small thump on the roof and small feet running along your shingles.  It suddenly occurs to you that the squirrel might be living closer to you than you wish.  Just to be on the safe side, you walk outside and squint up at your home.  Your heart drops when you spot a neat little hole chewed right through the soffit.  That cute little squirrel is making a den right in your attic.

But, you choose to ignore it for a while, hoping against hope that the squirrel will find a better place to build its nest and leave your home without a fuss.  You know if you bring it up to your husband, he will be upset and grumble about how he doesn’t know anything about how to get rid of squirrels, how much it will cost to have the squirrels removed and repair the damage to the soffit.  Chewing your lip, you go back to your dishes and try to convince yourself you’re imagining things when you hear soft rustlings coming from the attic.

The kids come home from school, your husband comes home from work, and sounds of laughter, occasional fighting between the children, television and video games fill the air.  Relieved, you think the squirrel has probably left your attic for a more quiet nest outside.

As the evening winds down and you get ready for bed, you choose to remain ignorant to the fact that the squirrel is probably matting down your attic insulation, possibly chewing through electrical wires causing a fire hazard, maybe laying a litter of babies.  You try to push out thoughts that sometimes baby squirrels can fall down into your walls, or shudder at the idea of squirrel droppings littering the space right above your head.  That cute little animal you saw outside your kitchen window this morning has become this evening’s nightmare.

Finally, you determine that enough is enough.  You don’t need to bother your husband.  Tomorrow, you will find out how to get rid of squirrels, or better yet, call for a professional to make sure every single squirrel is removed out of your attic, clean up the mess they left behind, and repair the damage to the soffit.  Better safe than sorry, you think.