Tag Archives: get rid of armadillo

Armadillo on the Lawn

armadillo removal

A new puppy and an armadillo on the lawn do not mix.  It’s getting to the point where I hate both.  I’ve always considered myself an animal-lover, but this new drama between a rowdy puppy and a destructive armadillo on my lawn at two in the morning is starting to take its toll.


We already have a small dog who prefers to stay indoors as he is aging, but as he gets older and more sick, he prefers to be left alone.  I had the not-so-brilliant idea that we should get another dog, a puppy that could grow with the kids.  The children could play catch with it outside, I’d get more exercise as I took the dog out for walks, and it might ease the imminent trauma of losing our current pet.


So, we got a boxer/terrier puppy mix.  We found him at the local shelter, and I could not believe how beautiful and friendly he was.  Then, we took him home.  He is a forceful ball of non-stop energy.  He makes the children happy, when I feel he’s safe enough for them to play together.  Most of the time, he just tries to chew everything and everyone in a playful way.  He’s like a small tank with happy genes, and he never stops.


You can imagine, then, the racket that woke us up the other night when our puppy discovered an armadillo on the lawn.  It had already been a long day at work and with the kids, and I didn’t get to bed until late.  When the puppy started barking sharply and constantly, it woke us all up, including our ornery old indoor dog, who started howling, angry at being disturbed.  I felt his pain.  If I could have howled, I just might have.


I threw on my robe and slippers, and rushed outdoors, trying to quietly yell at the dog to shut up so I wouldn’t wake up whichever neighbors had managed to sleep through the earlier noise.  It took a while for me to understand why the dog was so noisy.  We had an armadillo on the lawn.


The puppy seemed satisfied that he had done his job, and finally hushed up, but he still chased the armadillo around the lawn.  As soon as the puppy approached the armadillo, it would jump straight up into the air, and run in a different direction, surprisingly agile.  If I’d been watching a video of it, I’m sure I would have laughed at the antics of both creatures.  Since it was two in the morning, I was annoyed, embarrassed and cold, it wasn’t as funny.  It became even less amusing when I saw the holes the armadillo had scratched in the lawn.


I’d hoped the armadillo in the lawn would be too scared to return, but it has returned several nights in a row, taunting my puppy.  I’m done with the drama.  Let Allstate Animal Control get rid of the armadillo on the lawn, and let a trainer teach my dog some manners.  Then, maybe, life will be a little more normal.



Armadillo Removal

how to get rid of armadillos

Running, running, running away from the armadillo removal guys.  My leathery-looking pointed ears picked up the sound of two men stomping around, the metal cage rattling its parts and thumping up against the men’s legs.  They set it down, intent on armadillo removal, but it is not to be.  I may look like a dinosaur descendant.  I may spend my days digging and grubbing around in the dirt intent on finding food.  But, I am not that stupid.  The men set up their cage and toss dirt on the bottom of it to make me think I could dig my way out of it or dig down to find some juicy grubs.  But, I’m up and running.  They’re surprised at how fast I can move.

Rocks, pebbles and sand rush by as my tiny short legs move deceptively fast.  Every now and then, I hide behind a small bush, certain of its ability to hide my presence.  Then, I’m up and off and running again.  Darting this way, jumping straight up in the air, throwing myself that way at high speed.  The armadillo removal guys will never catch me, never.

As I run, my small brain considers why these two men would be after me.  I have done nothing wrong.  I only take care of my needs.  Food, shelter.  That’s it.  Yes, I have to dig, dig, dig for it all. That’s why I’m blessed with these fabulous shovels I call paws.  Sometimes I have to pull back the green grass to get at the yummy bugs just under the surface.  I dig, dig, dig until the bugs go scattering around in the daylight and then I snap them up.  Sometimes, I like to lie down in a cool spot, so I dig, dig, dig until I make a shallow depression just perfect for my armored body.

So, I suppose the reason I’m dealing with the threat of armadillo removal is someone doesn’t like me digging.  I can’t help it.  It’s what I do.  And, now, running is what I do.

I haven’t quite reached safety.  These small bushes don’t hide me for long, and I’m off and scrambling here and there, intent on freedom.  What I would give for soft, cool ground to dig in, lay down in, and feed in!  That armadillo cage won’t trap me!

Night is coming on, and soon they won’t be able to see me.  I’m not even certain they’re trying to chase me.  I stop and listen, and don’t hear their movements anymore.  I turn and look, but see nothing.  Is it possible that I’m safe?

I stop running, and slowly root around for a bit.  There, under those wooden stairs.  It’ll be cool and it’s a perfect place for bugs to feast upon.  My body bumps up against the steps as I amble into the cool safe spot.  Something smells delicious just over there, and I swear I can hear grubs moving around.  I walk over and start digging and “SNAP!”

Armadillo removal guys win this round.

Armadillo Exterminator

armadillo removal

“I’m telling you, call for armadillo extermination right now.  What else can we do?”

I absolutely love my sister, but lately she was really starting to wear on me, and on my family.  Since her ugly divorce three years ago (which I applauded, by the way), she was relying on me to take care of her.  Not financially, but, let’s just say married couples have “Honey Do” lists.  She gives me “Bro Do’s.”  She never really developed enough self confidence or self-reliance to handle big household tasks.  So, I found myself doing things like fixing her garage door, trimming trees, moving furniture or fixing plumbing for her.  She and her ex-husband had bought a nice house with a huge lawn when they got married, with dreams of filling it with children and having a safe, beautiful yard for them to play in.  Unfortunately, he was not the dream husband she thought he was.  They never ended up with children and he ended up with a girl he’d dated back in high school.  I was now stuck with taking care of that huge yard and it was getting tiresome.

My wife, my beautiful, understanding and compassionate wife, encouraged me to help my sister in the beginning.  She realized my sister was going through a very difficult time,  and she wasn’t really equipped to handle it alone.  So, while I took care of yard work and was my sister’s handyman, my wife spent hours on the phone with my sister listening to her troubles and helping her as best she could.

Now, after three years, I was feeling like an “enabler,” as I stood on her porch looking over her yard and talking about armadillo extermination.

“Just look what it did to my beautiful bird bath, the one I bought on my trip to Reno!”  she was saying.  The armadillo had dug several shallow holes all throughout the yard, including right next to the chintzy bird bath my sister had fallen in love with.  The armadillo’s hole caused the bird bath to tip over and break, which prompted my sister’s early-morning phone call to my cell phone on a beautiful Saturday morning.  I had planned on sleeping in.  Oh, well.

“I’m not even sure there’s an armadillo extermination company,” I said.  “I think they just trap armadillos and get rid of them.”

“Well, I honestly don’t care what they do with the armadillo.  I just want them to get rid of it for me!  Will you set it up?”

I sighed.  Three years.  It was time to help my sister get the confidence she needed to handle problems like armadillos digging in her yard all by herself.   I looked up the number for armadillo extermination, which was an armadillo trapping service, dialed it, and handed her the phone.  She tried to give me the phone back, panicking, but I smiled and said, “You talk to them, just tell them about the armadillo holes and the bird bath.  They’ll know how to help you.”  Baby steps, I thought.