Snake in my Garage

I had never been as afraid in my life as I was the day I found the snake in my garage. You see things like that in Alfred Hitchcock movies, on Animal Planet even, but it’s not something you think you’ll ever encounter, but I did. Ever since I was a little kid I’ve been afraid of snakes, my friends used to tease me about it and even chase me around the playground with little garter snakes they caught on the baseball field. Big or small, I was terrified by them all. Snakes are nothing to be joked about in my opinion, they can inject you with venom or squeeze the air out of you, some could (theoretically) get big enough to swallow you whole, not necessarily digest you, but still; and yes, I know that you’re more likely to be struck by lightning than be killed by a snake, but my great-great-grandfather was struck by lightning, so I don’t take my chances.
The worst part of the experience was that the giant, legless, heart attack waiting, wasn’t in just any garage, but in MY garage. My man-cave, my only escape from my wife, the place where I can watch football and golf free from judgment. It was the place where I found out Carrie was pregnant with our first son, it was my sanctuary, and that little slippery beast ruined it for me! Now this wasn’t your run of the mill serpent, it was huge with beady, red eyes that could glimpse into your soul. He could smell my fear I’m telling you, but that’s not what this story’s about. It’s about how I encountered the blood-eyed demon.
This is what happened, I was enjoying a beautiful, crisp afternoon day, when my wife and I got into an argument about my lack of drive to get the dishes done. Of course she won so the dishes got finished and I went to sulk in the garage and enjoy my own company. Upon entering my beautiful solitary, I picked up on a wet smell and an odd sound I couldn’t name, but I could tell it was coming from above the door. I looked up to see if I had a leak in the roof only to find a GIANT 8-FOOT MONSTER LOOMING OVER ME. I hurled my cell phone at it and let out the loudest yell a man could muster, after that I booked it back into the house, and locked the door behind me, trapping it in what I used to call my temple. Now I can’t even go in there, yes we got it removed and the garage is supposed to be free from pests, but I can still smell it in there. All I can think to do about it is convince my wife that we should move far away from where I found the snake in my garage.

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