Opossum Removal

opossum remival
Jamie was so pissed . . . some animal had crapped on his bedroom floor again, and he was so sick of it that he got his roommates in there for some opossum removal.  He had no idea where the animal was, why it had chosen his room, how it had gotten into the house.  He really didn’t care about any of that. 

            “Dudes, seriously, we gotta find it and get rid of it.  I’m sick of living in a freaking animal toilet.”

            His two roommates and his girlfriend went on a possum hunt right there in his bedroom.  They looked up in the ceiling tiles, they looked under the bed, they looked everywhere until finally there was only one place it could possibly be. 

            “We searched everywhere else, it has to be in the closet,” Jamie said.

            “What if it comes out?” David asked.

            “I’m gonna kick it!” said Matt.

            The three of them walked towards the half-open closet, hunched over, ready to attack anything that would come out at them.

            “There!” Jamie said

            “What?  Where?” David said, jumping back.

            “There’s my shoes, I’ve been looking for them.” 

            “Seriously, dude, you didn’t know your shoes were in your closet?”

            “Shhh, shhh, you’ll scare the thing!”

            “All right, all right.”  And the three of them prepared to slide the closet door all the way open.  Jamie reached for the door.  Matt started jumping from foot to foot.  He wasn’t sure if he was right for a fight or flight, but he was ready for something to come out of that closet.

            Finally, Jamie gathered up his courage for this final stage of opossum removal, and slid the closet door all the way open.  Matt saw it first and danced backwards.  “Aaaaaa.”

            Then, Jamie saw it and full-on screamed like a little girl.  David and Jamie’s girlfriend hadn’t seen it yet, but the screaming had already started and everyone joined in, freaked out.  When the screaming died down, everyone could see the opossum was terrified, cornered, and baring its teeth with a low growl.  It had found a little nest at the back of Jamie’s closet . . . obviously it was an undisturbed nest until now.  Jamie didn’t get in his closet often, apparently.

            Once they found the animal that had been pooping all over Jamie’s bedroom, it quickly became clear they hadn’t thought of how they would go about actually removing the opossum.  They decided to call in a professional, shut the closet door as quickly as they could, and left the bedroom to find the phone, still laughing about how squeamish they’d all just been.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *