Flying Squirrel

There’s a squirrel loose in our house. I have absolutely no idea how he got in but he is currently trapped in the basement. I didn’t actually see the squirrel at first, my 86 year old mother did and it nearly gave her a heart attack (but only nearly). She grew up in Germany so when I heard her screaming ‘NACHZEHRER’ at the top of her lungs I passed it off as dementia or night frights, but she insisted that it was more. She told me that a ghost had flown over her head, broken the lamp she was reading by, and ran rampant into the kitchen. I told her she just made it up but the old verrückt wouldn’t give it up so I went to investigate.
As I walked into the kitchen I could feel her over my shoulder, whispering her quiet Hail Mary’s behind me. I didn’t have to turn around to know she was probably clutching the small cross around her neck too, but I did turn around to get a full aerial view of the kitchen and try to spot the “ghost”. It was nowhere to be seen. I tried to convince her again that it was her imagination, but she cursed and told me to check the pantry. I rolled my eyes and obliged. Right after I pulled the door open further than it already was, a small furry tail sprinted from the shelves down the stairs to the basement.
While it wasn’t a spirit trying to eat us in our sleep, there was a squirrel in the house and Mama made sure I knew she was right. I’ve been calling different Animal Removal services for the past house, but most of the calls are ending with my mom yelling in her thick accent that we wouldn’t pay such ridiculous prices. I’m getting desperate, at this point I wish she’d had a heart attack! Then I’d have to pay for animal control AND a casket. Of course I’m kidding, but I really do need some help. I can barely live with my mother, I can’t have a squirrel in the house too.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *