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Exterminator

Cache County Exterminator

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Exterminator portrait
Portrait of an exterminator enjoying his job.
(Artwork by Sharon Davis. Contact us for her contact info.)

As a Cache County Exterminator, most people assume I hate animals.  Not true.  I probably appreciate animals more than your average Joe, because I understand them so much better.  I have to understand them to do my job right.

I’ve seen more crazy stuff in my career than most people realize.  I’ve got stories that’ll make you laugh until you cry and stories that are more gruesome than a bad horror flick.  I’ve worked with guys who scream like little girls when a little baby mouse jumps out at them from a garbage can.  I’ve pulled raccoons out of chimneys in pieces.  I’ve seen maggots and fleas raining down out of a ceiling lamp because something was rotting in the attic.  I’ve seen buildings overrun with pigeons and pigeon droppings.  I’ve seen porcupines eating the undercarriage of a car for the salt.  I’ve seen it all.  And, I still love every kind of animal I deal with.  Well, okay, I’m still not crazy about snakes, but since most are relatively harmless, I just deal with it.

One of the most common calls I get, though, as Cache County Exterminator is to remove rats out of someone’s house or business building.  And, surprisingly enough, I really love rats.  They’re pretty amazing creatures, really, built to survive.  They can jump up and run off after a 50 foot fall.  They have a great sense of taste and a fantastic memory.  They’re excellent swimmers and can live in the water for three days, which means they can survive being flushed down a toilet and return to your building by swimming upstream through the same pipes.  They climb vertical and horizontal surfaces, and can get through a hole only a half-inch wide.  They’re smart and social and pretty incredible, and I personally own two domestic rats: Shiny and Igor.

But, that doesn’t mean I’m okay with wild rats living in my home.  They transmit all kinds of nasty diseases and parasites, which infest homes and businesses.  Dead rats can build up in wall spaces or attics or basements, further contaminating the building.  They have to chew constantly to keep their teeth down, so pipes, wood, wiring, plastic are all fair game.  I know of several buildings that went up in flames because rodents chewed through electrical wires, and I’ve helped people who have water damage because rats gnawed through the pipes in the wall.  Most people who have rats in their building have to throw out a lot of food that’s been contaminated, and even couches or clothes that rats used as nesting materials and bathrooms.  One guy found out he had a rat problem when he discovered a snake eating one under his kitchen sink.

Yeah, I really do think rats and most animals I deal with are amazing creatures, even though my livelihood as Cache County exterminator is removing wild animals out of homes and businesses.  As amazing as they are, they still damage people’s property and make people sick, which is why I do what I do.

Exterminator

Utah County Exterminator

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get rid of voles

“Hon, call the Utah County Exterminator, I think we have voles.”

“What?  We have what?”

“Voles, honey, we have voles.”

“I’ve never heard of that.  Do you mean moles?”

“No, haven’t you heard of voles?”

I felt kind of stupid, but I’d never heard of that before in my life.  Growing up, my Dad always did all the yard work.  With four girls, two of whom were fighting at any one time, he somehow always had yard work to do.  As an adult, I suspect it was an excuse to get out of the house for a little bit for some peace and quiet.  We’d never had any vole problems before, that I know of, and when I grew up and lived in apartments, I had zero yard work to do.  So, who could blame me for never hearing about voles?

My husband and I bought our first house almost three years ago, and boy was that a wake-up call.  It was a brand new home, so we put in the yard ourselves.  I’d never dug ditches, raked dirt or laid pipes for a sprinkler system before, but I sure did learn fast.  I’m not the kind of woman who makes her husband do all the outdoor chores, so I learned as I went.  I got to the point where I was proud of my calluses and got so excited when the first grass seeds sprouted.  I actually watched grass grow sometimes, and couldn’t get over how successful I felt making bare land look beautiful.  It cost more money than we really had at the time, and I lost count of the hours we worked out there, but it was worth it.  We ended up with one of the most beautiful lawns in our new subdivision.

So, now, after three years, we had to have the Utah County exterminator come over and get rid of voles, a creature I’d never heard of before.

Winter was coming to an end, and I had been looking forward to watching our lawn green up again for the spring, but I’d noticed trails of dead grass in the yard.  I thought maybe it was a result of letting the thatch build up in some places, but my husband taught me it was these little mouse-like creatures that tunnel under the lawn, chewing up grass roots and flower bulbs and sometimes even chewing the bark off of some trees.  I worried about our trees, since they were still pretty young, but fortunately the damage was mostly limited to the yard and apparently the tulip and daffodil bulbs I planted last fall.  All our work was being damaged by tiny little rodents?!  I just couldn’t bear the thought of spending my spring fighting off rodents instead of planting a garden and putting in some ornamental bushes I had my eyes on.  I agreed with my husband that we had to get the Utah County exterminator in as quickly as possible to get rid of the voles for us.

Exterminator

Box Elder County Exterminator

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We gotta get the Box Elder County Exterminator out to our ranch here pronto, because I am sick to death of replacing fence posts.  I got enough to do around here.  Every day I work myself to exhaustion and every night I go to bed thinking of fifty more things I need to do the next day.  It’s fine, it’s the life I chose.  I’m happy that I’m working for myself and not dependant on anyone else for a paycheck.  But, when I find woodpecker holes in fence post after fence post, I have to spend my days chasing down woodpeckers and replacing those posts.  I have better things to do, and I’m no expert on which woodpeckers are protected by federal or state laws and how to get rid of woodpeckers.  The Box Elder County exterminator is, though, and I’ll let him deal with it.

I’ve been dealing with this woodpecker problem for a few years now.  I guess what finally sent me over the edge was this morning.  The ranch hasn’t been doing so well lately.  We’ve been dealing with sick cattle, a fight over mineral rights in one of our pastures, and the price of feed has skyrocketed.  High cost of feed means my prices have to go up.  High price of oil means it costs more to transport the cattle and the feed, which means I have to raise my prices again.  Now, meat prices are so high that consumers aren’t buying as much of my products as they used to, which leaves me up the proverbial creek without the proverbial paddle.  What’m I supposed to do?

So, one night I’m up late worrying over it, as usual, and I fall asleep after a rough day of work and worry.  I’d decided to let myself sleep in a bit the next morning, let myself get a little extra rest so I can tackle the problem fresh.  But, real early next morning, I hear the tap tap tap, peck peck peck of the stupid woodpeckers chipping away at the fence posts again.  I just spent last Thursday replacing some of the older posts that looked like swiss cheese, and here was this bird going at it on one of the newer stretches I finished.

I consider myself a reasonable, fair-minded person.  Live and let live.  Let nature do its thing.  But, I just lost it that day.  Got so mad I grabbed the gun.  My wife caught me before I headed out the door, though, and reasoned that the woodpecker is probably protected, and shooting at the bird on the fence post would probably just do more damage to the fence post I was trying to protect.  So, I gave in, grumbling, and tried to enjoy the huge and delicious breakfast my wife had prepared for us.  Every time that tapping started up again, my knuckles would go white and my shoulders would get all hunched.  Finally, my wife just turned on some music so I couldn’t get annoyed at the birds anymore.

Time to call the Box Elder County exterminator. I figure, even though times are tight, it would save me a lot of time and money, not to mention keeping me from getting too angry to see straight, if I just got a professional out here.

Exterminator

Weber County Exterminator

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As a skunk, is it possible to ask the Weber County Exterminator to get rid of my embarrassing skunk problem?  I mean, it’s not for me, of course.  It’s for . . . .a friend, right.  A friend.  And, this friend of mine, also a skunk, has this thing for soda.  This is like a real addiction, you see.  She finds the cups just lying around in the parking lot, or in a park, or digs them out of people’s garbage, and then she just licks the inside of the cup until her tongue is raw and she can’t taste the sweet stuff anymore.  I just can’t get enough of the stuff.  I mean, she can’t get enough of the stuff.  And, they say the first step is to admit you have a problem and get help.

Okay, okay, I admit it, it’s not a friend, it’s me.  I’m a skunk and I have an addiction to soda.

So, the only thing I can think of to do is to ask the Weber County exterminator to help me help me get rid of the soda cups.  Is that possible?  I mean, I’m not hurting anyone . . . but it’s time to ask for help, you know.  Can we get rid of the soda cups just lying around or sitting in the garbage for me to bust into?  Because the only thing I can think of to do is to get rid of the temptation.  I’m just not strong enough to kick the habit myself.

The day I knew I needed real help was the real low point of my life.  I was just minding my own business, looking for grubs, and I walked by a house with the most wonderful smell emanating from the garbage can out front.  This was a family that drank a lot of soda, and ooooh, I could NOT resist.  I got up in the can, rooted around for a while, throwing garbage out across the lawn left and right.  A dog startled me at some point, so I had to spray it.  I couldn’t help it, I wasn’t going to run away and leave the sweet stuff behind!

At long last, I finally found it and thrust my head all the way inside, tasting those wonderful last few drops.  Oooh, pure heaven.  And when I drank every drop and even licked the wax coating off of the inside, it suddenly occurred to me that I could not get my head back out.  There I was, in someone’s driveway, wandering around in circles, my head deep in the recesses of a soda cup.  And that’s when I realized I had a real addiction.

So, what do you think?  I know the Weber County exterminator is the person other people call to take care of their wild animal problems, and I’m a wild animal with a problem.  Will he help?

Exterminator

Summit County Exterminator

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Is it possible to get the Summit County exterminator to follow me around at the park and get rid of these dang pigeons?  Every day, rain or shine, snow or sun, I take my walk, and it used to be a wonderful perk to retirement.  I get up, put on the same dark gray jacket (rain or shine), my dark gray ball cap (snow or sun) and head out the door.  My usual route takes me about a mile and a half down the street, and then I stroll down the park paths of our neighborhood park, and another couple of miles around the business district before heading home for lunch.  I’m a regular, so people know me, and I know them.  Moms have their kids wave to the “nice man” and I wave back and keep walking.  There’s a guy I usually see who’s out jogging around 10:00 every morning, and he gives me a friendly nod as he huffs on by.  A couple of businesswomen take their smoke break around 11:00 every day, and we tease each other as I make my way past their building.  I’m the guy who waves at the cars that pass me, and some of the drivers even wave back.  Walking is just my thing.  I enjoy it every morning, have lunch at home, and then head back out to go play cards with my friends.  It’s not an exciting life, but it’s my life, and I love it.

One day I got stupid.  I had some old bread leftover at home, so I grabbed it up and took it with me on my walk.  As I walked through the park, I tossed a few crumbs here and there to feed the pigeons that roost in the nearby apartments.  And now I need my own personal Summit County exterminator.

These little suckers just won’t leave me alone.  As soon as my feet turn onto the park path, they fly down from their roosts up in the buildings adjacent to the park, poop raining down on the sidewalk and anyone else who happens to be on it.  Then, they parade after me like they expect me to give them a free handout every time I step out my door.  I’ve tried shooing them away, but they just fly up around my head, then land all around me and follow like I’m some dagum pied piper.  I even stepped on one once.  I just can’t seem to get rid of the pigeons.  Now, instead of being the happy, friendly old man who waves at people as he strolls by, I’m the crazy, grumpy old man with a pigeon problem.

Not okay.  I’ve got a phone number for the Summit County exterminator and I’m taking it over to the apartment managers.  I hope they’ll get rid of the pigeons living in their building, but if not, I’ll have to find another park to walk through every day.  Either that or just accept my fate as the leader of the pigeons.

Exterminator, Raccoons

Salt Lake County Exterminator

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raccoon traps too small

I was so happy we called a Salt Lake County exterminator to get the dead raccoon out of our chimney, especially after witnessing the horror show of its removal.

My wife and I saved up for years, and finally bought a beautiful vacation cabin near a beautiful, mountainous national park, and I had grandiose ideas of hiking nearly every day we spent in our cabin property.  Truthfully, we spend more time just sitting on the porch, looking out at the view, bird-watching, talking or sitting in silence together.  We enjoy living our dream.  And, I swear, my wife had more fun furnishing and decorating the cabin than our actual home!  We put a lot of effort into our vacation spot to make it a romantic getaway for us for some weekends, and a great place for the kids and their families to join us for holidays.

So you can imagine how awful it was to show up for a long weekend, walk in the door and get hit with a nasty smell.  I’ve never smelled anything like it, but it was rancid.  My wife couldn’t take it after a while and retreated to the car while I investigated.  As I searched for the source of the smell, she called a Salt Lake County Exterminator.  The cabin wasn’t really damaged, but I was certain that smell was going to be near to impossible to get out of the front room furniture, where the odor was the greatest.  Finally, it overpowered even me, so I sat in the car and waited for the Salt Lake County Exterminator to arrive, assuring her it would all be okay and we’d still be able to enjoy the weekend.

When the Salt Lake County Exterminator arrived, he walked right over to the fireplace in the front room, shined a flashlight up there, poked around a little, and said, “Yep, you’ve got a dead raccoon in the chimney.”  He explained that raccoons will often climb down the chimney from outside, most often to bear their young, but sometimes just to find a quiet place to die.

What followed soured the entire weekend for me, but made me grateful I hadn’t attempted to remove the raccoon myself.  The dead raccoon was so far into the decomposition process that he had to remove it in pieces.  Yes, pieces.  It was like a horror movie.  I was confused at the sound I kept hearing, as he worked.  It sounded like rain coming from the chimney.  When I realized what it was, I had to beat a hasty retreat out of the cabin, close on the heels of my wife.  Maggots rained down from the raccoon corpse down the Salt Lake County Exterminator’s head and arms as he removed the raccoon.

Needless to say, we did not spend the weekend there, but we were happy his services included cleaning and sanitizing our cabin.  We didn’t have to do anything other than finding a nice hotel room in the area, and planning our next weekend getaway.