Oh, no, this will not do, we will have no more rats in the house, uh uh, no way. I don’t know how the dirty damn things got in my house, or why they chose us. I run a clean home. We don’t live in a museum or anything, that’s not what I’m saying. We live in a cute little clean home, though, and I refuse to let rats in the house destroy it.
But, we are losing this battle, and I am ready to drop kick the little suckers into next year if I have to.
I first noticed we might have a rat in the house when I went through the Christmas decorations that I keep in the downstairs office. There were holes chewed right through the cardboard boxes, and little rat turds sprinkled in the tinsel and garlands. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’d up and had babies right there in and amongst the nativity scenes and tree ornaments. At least there wasn’t anything dead in there, but just knowing they had made free with my decorations was enough to give me the shivers.
I made everyone tear through the house, looking for little rat holes or rat droppings. My niece found half an eaten potato in the pantry. Oh, no, we not only have rats in the house but they’re in the kitchen, too?! It was on, I was at war.
We put out traps, sealed up all the food, cleaned up all the rat turds. It obviously wasn’t enough. The rats in the house chewed through the water line to the refrigerator next. Oh, yes, they did, chewed enough holes in it that water soaked up underneath the floor boards and ran down the wall into a closet downstairs. Water damage on two floors, all because some furry little rodent can’t keep clear of my house and keep its teeth off pipes.
We caught two rats with the kind of rat traps you get at the hardware store, and I thought, phew, we don’t have anymore rats in the house. But, it turns out I was wrong, because the next thing you know, we found out that a rat had made its way into a guest bedroom, chewed a hole into the closet where we keep all our extra winter clothes, and made a rat nest and had babies inside a spare skiing jacket. It chewed its way clean through the jacket lining and used the inside fluff to make a nest for disgusting rat babies.
This will not do. I cannot have rats in my house. We are a clean family and I expect our home to be free of rats, so you gotta send someone out here ASAP to trap the rats, kill the rats, whatever you gotta do to get them out of my house.