A bat just smacked my brother right in the face! Hahahahahahahaha! I think I’m gonna pee my pants, I’m laughing too hard. He was being a Class-A Douche, hitting on my friends, bragging about how much he can bench press and how many curls he did this morning with 50-pound weights. Like he thinks that’s gonna impress my friends. I’m like, we’re in the arts program, dude. The guys that impress my friends actually think and have interesting lives, you know?
My brother steals my friend Melissa’s beer, finishes it, and walks over to the diving board to do his stupid diving trick. Like we want to stop watching the sunset and talking about Melissa’s photography project just to watch his stupid butt hit the water. But, he finished the beer and tossed the empty bottle at us just to get our attention. Just as he jumped off the edge of the board, a bat flew right into his face! He was screaming when he went under the water! Blahahahahaha!
Yeah, of course he’s okay, but now he’s walking around all pissed off about bats flying around the house, and yelling that he’s gonna need rabies shots. What an idiot. It’s not like the bat bit him or anything. Not even a scratch! He’s just got some kind of macho wounded pride thing going on, and it’s making him even dumber than normal. He’s got Mom’s tennis racket and he’s just swinging it around at the few bats flying around us. I’m not gonna lie, I’d freak too if a flying bat hit me in the face. It just couldn’t have happened more perfectly! Just when he was perfecting the Douche Cliché, he gets smacked by a flying bat.
Melissa’s got her camera out and she’s capturing the moment. My brother’s conflicted, cuz he obviously wants to impress Melissa, so he’s not yelling at her to stop taking his picture or anything, but somewhere deep inside he’s probably aware he’s acting like a spoiled kid. I have no idea whether her pictures are going to work in her photography show, maybe under the heading of “Wounded Man”, but whatever she doesn’t put up in her gallery, I’m getting from her and putting it in my “Idiot Brother” collection. Seriously, if you get hit in the face by a flying bat, just laugh about it, don’t make it worse by stomping and yelling and chasing it.