As a skunk, is it possible to ask the Weber County Exterminator to get rid of my embarrassing skunk problem?  I mean, it’s not for me, of course.  It’s for . . . .a friend, right.  A friend.  And, this friend of mine, also a skunk, has this thing for soda.  This is like a real addiction, you see.  She finds the cups just lying around in the parking lot, or in a park, or digs them out of people’s garbage, and then she just licks the inside of the cup until her tongue is raw and she can’t taste the sweet stuff anymore.  I just can’t get enough of the stuff.  I mean, she can’t get enough of the stuff.  And, they say the first step is to admit you have a problem and get help.

Okay, okay, I admit it, it’s not a friend, it’s me.  I’m a skunk and I have an addiction to soda.

So, the only thing I can think of to do is to ask the Weber County exterminator to help me help me get rid of the soda cups.  Is that possible?  I mean, I’m not hurting anyone . . . but it’s time to ask for help, you know.  Can we get rid of the soda cups just lying around or sitting in the garbage for me to bust into?  Because the only thing I can think of to do is to get rid of the temptation.  I’m just not strong enough to kick the habit myself.

The day I knew I needed real help was the real low point of my life.  I was just minding my own business, looking for grubs, and I walked by a house with the most wonderful smell emanating from the garbage can out front.  This was a family that drank a lot of soda, and ooooh, I could NOT resist.  I got up in the can, rooted around for a while, throwing garbage out across the lawn left and right.  A dog startled me at some point, so I had to spray it.  I couldn’t help it, I wasn’t going to run away and leave the sweet stuff behind!

At long last, I finally found it and thrust my head all the way inside, tasting those wonderful last few drops.  Oooh, pure heaven.  And when I drank every drop and even licked the wax coating off of the inside, it suddenly occurred to me that I could not get my head back out.  There I was, in someone’s driveway, wandering around in circles, my head deep in the recesses of a soda cup.  And that’s when I realized I had a real addiction.

So, what do you think?  I know the Weber County exterminator is the person other people call to take care of their wild animal problems, and I’m a wild animal with a problem.  Will he help?