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Raccoons

Raccoon Control

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Mama Raccoon says I don’t know anything about the world, but in my whole life of two weeks, I’ve learned a lot about raccoon control.

Mama loves to tell us the story of how she hunted high and low for the perfect place to have her perfect little babies.  My two sisters and I are, of course, perfect.  Before Mama had us, she walked through the forest.  She found a big log that was hollow and would protect her babies from the rain, and thought that maybe that would be the perfect place.  But, there was already a little family of skunks living in there, and she almost got sprayed by Mama Skunk, so she got out of there.  Then, she found an abandoned car with soft seats filled with wonderful fluffy stuff that she thought would be perfect to keep her little babies warm.  But, there was a nest of rats living in there already, and she didn’t want her babies to get bitten by nasty little rats, so she moved on.  Then, she found a little area under some stairs right next to a big bowl of cat food, and she thought it would be a good place to have her babies, because it would be so close to food.  But, some people tromped up and down those stairs all the time, and she was scared they would get raccoon control out there and take her away.

Finally, she crawled up and up onto a person house, and looked through a little crack in the roof above a porch.  It was indoors, so it would keep her babies safe from the rain.  It was filled with fluffy insulation, so it would keep her babies warm.  It was close to a woodpile just outside, under which lived delicious little mice.  And, no people went up there all the time, so she thought she would be safe from raccoon control.  It was perfect.

So, Mama made that little crack into a big, big hole so she could get up in the roof over the porch.  She is very strong, so she just pulled back the roof and tore into it until she could safely get inside.  Then, we came along, and Mama was very happy.  Sure, we stained the fluffy insulation, and sometimes we were noisier than we should have been, but mostly it was a perfect little life.

Until, one day, a man heard us moving around up in our perfect little home.  We heard some metal scraping on the concrete below, which turned out to be a ladder.  The man poked his hand up inside.  In his hand was a bright, bright light, and I wanted to get closer.  Mama picked me up in her hands and held me close to her, and she pushed my sister and brother back behind her.  Then, she went up to sniff and growl at the light.  It went away really quickly, and we thought we were safe.  But, a few hours later, raccoon control showed up and we were taken out of our perfect place one by one.  Mama says she’ll find us another perfect place for us where we won’t bother people anymore.

Raccoons

Raccoon Trapping

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“Okay, Martha, you ready for an evening full of fun and raccoon trapping?”  Max was sixty-eight, newly retired, and bored out of his mind with all the free time he’d had on his hands.  He admitted to himself he was probably driving Martha crazy, with all the new projects he’d started and then left unfinished.  He just wasn’t ready for retirement, and Martha wasn’t ready for him to be retired, hanging around the house all day long, banging away at something and then leaving it for another project.

“Sure, Max.”  Martha sighed.

They were both curled up on the couch, lights off and video camera running.  A couple of raccoons had been hanging around their house for a few nights, and they’d even noticed their cats’ food was disappearing each night.  Max was sure the raccoons were coming into the house through the cat door, and decided to try his hand at raccoon trapping himself.

Martha had suggested just getting a lock for the cat door, but Max didn’t want the hassle.  He knew if they got a locking cat door, they’d just end up having to get up throughout the night to let a cat in or out, and he was enjoying his long nights of sleep, after years of waking too early to an alarm clock.

Martha propped her feet up on the coffee table.  Max’s excitement hadn’t quite infected her yet.  As far as she was concerned, raccoon trapping was just another of Max’s projects.

But, before too long, the cat door swung open a little, and a human-like hand, a raccoon paw, came reaching through the opening.  “Shh, shhh, it’s happening!” Max exclaimed, even though Martha hadn’t made a sound.

Max had set up a raccoon trap with the cat food inside of it.  Martha wasn’t so sure that was the best way to go about it, but she’d learned years ago that it was easier just to let Max pursue his own things, and let him come to his own conclusions.

The raccoon paw came through the cat door again, groping around.  Max wondered if it was looking for any sign of a cat, but had no idea why the raccoon didn’t just come through the door all the way yet.  He refocused the video camera and waited to see what would happen next.

What happened next is not what either Max or Martha expected.  That raccoon felt around until its paw landed on the small rug in front of the door.  It grabbed up the rug, tugged it back out of the opening in the cat door, and ran off into the night with its prize.

Both Max and Martha were stunned.  Why would the raccoon want the rug, they wondered.  Martha’s eyes drifted over to the cat food, and she sighed.  Was this effort at raccoon trapping just another failed project, soon to be abandoned, or would Max want to try it again tomorrow night.  She wasn’t sure which she wanted more, but she looked at Max reviewing the video on the camera and realized it didn’t matter.  He was happy.

Raccoons

Get Rid of Raccoons

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get rid of raccoons
I’ve been working to come up with the best way to get rid of raccoons so my cat Nikita Kitty can eat her food in peace.  My second-grade teacher says that I’m “spunky” and “extremely creative”, even though I think sometimes she doesn’t mean that in a good way.  So, I’m sure I can come up with some great master plan to keep Nikita safe.

            The first thing I thought of was I’d build a big rocket, and then I’d put the bestest cat food in there.  That greedy raccoon wouldn’t be able to resist, and would come right over to steal the food.  Blast off!  I’d shoot the rocket ship right up into space, all the way to the moon!  That raccoon would be like, “Oh, no!  I don’t have my space helmet!” Then, it’d just steal one from another space ship, because they’re good at stealing stuff, and it would just live the rest of its life on the moon.  And every night, Nikita and I would just look up at the sky and laugh and laugh, thinking of that raccoon stealing food from the space animals that live on the moon.

            But, then I realized I didn’t know how to build a rocket ship, so I thought I’d dig a booby trap in the backyard instead.  That’d be a great way to get rid of raccoons.  I’d dig and dig a huge hole, all the way down to the center of the earth.  And then, I’d take pieces of the cat food and make a trail all the way from our porch to the hole and throw the rest of the food in, so the raccoon could smell it and want to go in the hole.  It’d go in the hole thinking it wasn’t that deep, that it could get back out again, but nope!  It’d just fall right on through to the center of the whole earth, and it wouldn’t be able to climb back out ever again.

            I had to throw that plan away, just because Mom doesn’t even like it when I dig holes to bury my broccoli, so I doubt she’d be okay with a hole that big.

            Guns and super missiles wouldn’t work either.  If I blew up the raccoon, I’d probably end up blowing up the house n’ stuff, and I KNOW Mom would be mad then.

            Do raccoons swim?  Because I could throw a big net down on top of it, and then throw it onto an island in the middle of the ocean.  Course, I’d have to get a helicopter to take me out there, just so I could make sure it landed on the island and didn’t drown.  But, I’m kind of afraid of being up too high, so I don’t think I’d be real happy way up high in a helicopter over the ocean.

            Sigh.  I think I’m going to have to turn this problem over to Mom and Dad.  I’m sure they’ll need me to consult with them, though, on how to get rid of raccoons.  I’m too little to do some of that stuff, but maybe Mom or Dad would be willing to fly on a helicopter, or maybe they could build a rocket ship.

Raccoons

Raccoon Trapping

raccoon traps too small
It was too gorgeous a day to think about something as distant as raccoon trapping, but how quickly things change.

Thwack, bang, bang, thwack!  Little Ryan was playing with his plastic bowling pin set out in the yard, pounding on the ground with the pins and laughing as he enjoyed the freedom of playing outside.  His family lived in a nice, safe, wooded neighborhood, behind a high school.  Their yard was lush and green, and the day was bright and sunny.  Mommy was just inside the house, looking out the window from time to time to make sure everything was all right, and smiling to herself as she listened to her son play.

Thwack, bam, bang!  Plastic bowling pins make the best sounds when you hit them together!  It’s why Ryan didn’t hear the rustling sounds coming from the woods just on the edge of his yard.  He looked up from his play, just in time to see a raccoon walking straight at him.

Raccoons are so cute, so sweet-looking with their big eyes rimmed in black, their little forepaws make them look like they’re begging for love.  Someone had taught Ryan well, though, and he knew this was a wild animal and it was not normal for it to walk right up to a human.

He jumped up and started running towards the house.  When he looked behind him, he was terrified to see the animal chasing after him.  His little four-year-old heart beat even faster as he struggled across the lawn to get into his house, to his mother, to safety.  But, the raccoon didn’t care that Ryan felt safe in his home.  It followed him inside and grabbed a hold of his tiny ankle, little sharp teeth sinking into the boy’s skin.

Ryan’s mother heard the screams and came tearing into the front room.  She reacted without hesitation, kicking the wild creature off of her son, grabbing it and throwing it out of the house.  Scooping up her son, she calmed his terrified screams and then took him to the hospital.

The poor little boy’s ordeal was not over yet.  The panicked moments fleeing the raccoon was over in seconds.  He now faced a series of rabies shots in a quiet sterile, room of a hospital.  Once the initial series of shots was done, he would have to go back, and get even more shots.  To the mind of a four-year-old, the anticipation of each shot would be almost as terrible as the fight with the rabid animal.

And the worries of Ryan’s mother, and those of every other parent in the neighborhood, were just beginning.  The raccoon was back in the wild, free to attack someone else.  Ryan’s mother was told to try raccoon trapping, but the only traps available to her were designed for squirrels, not raccoons. Raccoons are known to bend the hinges of traps too small for them and break free.  So, somewhere in the woods between her neighborhood and a high school, a rabid raccoon was roaming around, sick and wild.

But, to Ryan, his mother is a hero.  She battled the creature that had chased and hurt him and made him safe again.  It may be a while before he feels completely safe playing outside in his own backyard, but at least he knows his mother’s there.