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Summit County Exterminator

Is it possible to get the Summit County exterminator to follow me around at the park and get rid of these dang pigeons?  Every day, rain or shine, snow or sun, I take my walk, and it used to be a wonderful perk to retirement.  I get up, put on the same dark gray jacket (rain or shine), my dark gray ball cap (snow or sun) and head out the door.  My usual route takes me about a mile and a half down the street, and then I stroll down the park paths of our neighborhood park, and another couple of miles around the business district before heading home for lunch.  I’m a regular, so people know me, and I know them.  Moms have their kids wave to the “nice man” and I wave back and keep walking.  There’s a guy I usually see who’s out jogging around 10:00 every morning, and he gives me a friendly nod as he huffs on by.  A couple of businesswomen take their smoke break around 11:00 every day, and we tease each other as I make my way past their building.  I’m the guy who waves at the cars that pass me, and some of the drivers even wave back.  Walking is just my thing.  I enjoy it every morning, have lunch at home, and then head back out to go play cards with my friends.  It’s not an exciting life, but it’s my life, and I love it.

One day I got stupid.  I had some old bread leftover at home, so I grabbed it up and took it with me on my walk.  As I walked through the park, I tossed a few crumbs here and there to feed the pigeons that roost in the nearby apartments.  And now I need my own personal Summit County exterminator.

These little suckers just won’t leave me alone.  As soon as my feet turn onto the park path, they fly down from their roosts up in the buildings adjacent to the park, poop raining down on the sidewalk and anyone else who happens to be on it.  Then, they parade after me like they expect me to give them a free handout every time I step out my door.  I’ve tried shooing them away, but they just fly up around my head, then land all around me and follow like I’m some dagum pied piper.  I even stepped on one once.  I just can’t seem to get rid of the pigeons.  Now, instead of being the happy, friendly old man who waves at people as he strolls by, I’m the crazy, grumpy old man with a pigeon problem.

Not okay.  I’ve got a phone number for the Summit County exterminator and I’m taking it over to the apartment managers.  I hope they’ll get rid of the pigeons living in their building, but if not, I’ll have to find another park to walk through every day.  Either that or just accept my fate as the leader of the pigeons.

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