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Squirrels Gone Wild

The squirrels in my backyard are nutty – if you can ignore the stupid pun I just made and finish this story, you’ll see I’m being serious. About a month ago, three squirrels showed up in my backyard out of nowhere.  At first I wasn’t necessarily worried about it considering they are squirrels and they do live outside and my backyard is indeed, outside.  Why would anyone be scared of three, harmless squirrels? Well, it turns out that geese are not the only demon possessed animals in the world.  Squirrels also land in the category of unpredictably evil beasts that you can never trust.

Why am I so passionate about my vehement hatred for these squirrels? Let me just tell you.  THEY ARE VICIOUS!  They moved in to the overhang of my porch, and when I try to go outside, they hiss and basically run down the wall at my face.  So far they haven’t actually attacked me, but its close enough!  They will also bite and scratch through my screen door; in one month I’ve already had to replace it, and I don’t doubt I’ll have to do it again soon!  Considering that it is spring time, I’m very worried that they’re going to multiply and then I won’t just have adult squirrels in my backyard, but their baby demon spawn as well.

Basically, I need a solution that’s more environmentally friendly than my .22 because I’m getting closer and closer to that point every day.  I’m especially worried because in two weeks my nephews are coming to stay with me while their parents are out of town and I don’t want them to go home telling stories about the psychotic squirrels in my backyard.  I just want this problem solved ASAP.  If I can’t find someone else to take care of them for me, I’m just going to have to do it myself.  The only crazy animal allowed on my property is me!

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