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Squirrel Control

squirrels in the roof

Whoever thought fermented pumpkins were a good idea for squirrel control was perhaps partaking from some of their own fermented drink.  As a squirrel, I guess I’m a bit of a lightweight, because it didn’t take me long to get completely and totally drunk from those pumpkins rotting on the vine.

Squirrel

Squirrel chewing on nuts.
(Artwork by Sharon Davis. Contact us for her contact info.)

I have several squirrel nests around this area, including one in a backyard tree and (shhhhh, don’t tell anyone) a squirrel nest in their attic.  So far, they haven’t discovered the one in the attic.  I manage to sneak in and out of there without waking anyone up, because it’s really early in the morning when I leave, and they never check that attic space.  I adore that nesting material they so thoughtfully laid down along the whole floor.  It’s insulating, it’s soft and I personally don’t mind the smell of my, ahem, droppings and urine.  And the wood up there is just perfect for keeping my teeth filed down to the exact length I want.

These people have made no efforts at squirrel control the whole time I’ve been here, even though one of their trees is now dying because I got a little too excited chewing twigs off of it and it got diseased.  No, in fact, these people even come out onto their back porch with handfuls of birdseed and other delicious nuts and treats, and laugh and laugh as they throw it out for me to stuff into my cheeks.  I’m very careful to stow that food away in my other nests while they’re watching, although I have a nice little cache of food in their attic they’ll never know about until it’s too late.  They’ll worry about squirrel control then, but not now.

I thought they were very kind, leaving a few pumpkins out on the vine for me.  I’ve gnawed a little on the hard skin, but I was really waiting until the pumpkins rotted a little bit.  They smelled so good, and I could just imagine the gooey, squishy insides and how it would taste.  I had no idea it would ferment and cause me to do accidental backflips as I struggled to maintain the gigantic tree trunk in my sights and climb up to my nest.  All I want to do now is curl up and sleep this off, but I can’t even get two inches off the ground.  This tree just keeps spinning.  And the people just keep laughing and taking pictures.  Is this their idea of squirrel control?  Once I can finally get my dizzy head resting safe in my nest, I may just have to plot my revenge.

Maybe I’ll chew through some wires in the attic, or perhaps I’ll invite that family of mice to share my space up there.  These people will think twice before using fermented pumpkins as squirrel control in the future!

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