Here at Animal Caregivers and Lovers United, we try to get all sides of a story before taking any kind of action, which is why we have stepped in to interview both the homeowner and the rabbits before the homeowner proceeds with rabbit removal. The following is a transcript of the interview:
Moderator: Mr. Homeowner, can you explain exactly why you are so anxious for rabbit removal?
Homeowner: See here, now it’s like this. I work real hard each day, and then I come home and spend my nights and weekends trying to spruce up the place. I like a pretty patio and a nice backyard. Then, I come out one day and these darn rabbits have been eating up my plants!
Moderator: Mr. Rabbit, do you have a reply?
Rabbit: Mfff, hungry. Juicy, green plants just sitting there. Must eat.
Moderator: You each seem to have reasonable points. Mr. Homeowner, what is the extent of the destruction to your property, and what has been the cost to you?
Homeowner: Hard to say exactly how much it’s cost me. You gotta consider how much the ornamental plants cost. Plus, they’ve ransacked my garden – eaten my vegetables up almost overnight. We were using our garden for fresh food and then we were going to can some of it and keep it for the winter. Now, we’ve got nuthin. Plus, you gotta take in how much time I spent planting everything . . .
Rabbit: Mmmm, spinach and carrots. You did good job. Still hungry . . .
Moderator: Mr. Rabbit, do you have any way to compensate Mr. Homeowner for the damage you’ve done to his yard and garden?
Rabbit: Compensate?
Moderator: Yes, pay him back.
Rabbit: I’m a rabbit.
Moderator: Uh, yes, I suppose it wasn’t a fair question . . .
Homeowner: See here, I’m ready for some serious rabbit removal. Rabbits live around 8 years, so if I don’t do something with you now, I’m in for a long time of losing MY plants. Then, you’ll breed, and your babies’ll grow up and be around for a long time . . . I just can’t have it, see?
Moderator: Mr. Rabbit, any reply?
Rabbit: Must eat. Must have babies. Love to sleep in your yard junk pile or under the big bush.
Homeowner: That’s it! I’ll just get rid of the junk pile and the bush. Then you’ll have to leave, right? That’ll solve my rabbit removal problem??
Rabbit: I am too cute to remove. My babies cute too. You want to keep me.
Homeowner: That just ain’t good enough! I want cute, I can git a puppy. Any way I look at it, you’ve just gotta go!
Moderator: I want to thank you both for your time and offering your opinions. Let us …
Rabbit: Lettuce???
Moderator: Um, no, I meant “let us” all work towards a greater understanding.
Rabbit: Lettuce???
Moderator: I think we’re done here . . .