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Princess of the Frogs

Every little girl grew up hearing the story of the princess and the frog. Or at least some version of it. The princess goes to the well and sees a frog sitting there. The frog begs the princess for a kiss to help restore him to the prince he once was. The princess of course is vary weary. Frogs are disgusting! They’re riddled with diseases and all sorts of bacteria! What smart princess would kiss a frog! The princess is divided and knows that she shouldn’t kiss the frog, they’re ugly, slimy and they EAT FLIES! But, against her better judgement she kisses the frog. And just like he promised, he transformed into a handsome prince.
We all wish that real life was like this. You find your prince charming waiting by the well for you, begging you to kiss him into a prince. Well, let me tell you, if you kiss a frog you will not get a prince. You’ll end up like me. Getting Salmonella. Most people don’t know this, but frogs are more likely to give you salmonella than eating raw cookie dough! (I’m convinced that the whole “eating raw cookie dough will give you salmonella” thing is a myth) Like every other young girl I wanted to kiss a frog and watch it transform into my prince charming. But that is not what happened! I saw the frog sitting on a bridge near my favorite river. I had just finished reading the Princess and the frog, so I was convinced I knew what I was doing.
I sat next to the frog and began to talk to it. I knew that my prince would soon begin to talk back. But after a couple of awkward minutes where I sat talking to myself a thought occurred to me. Of course my prince couldn’t talk! He’s trapped as a frog, and frogs don’t talk! The frog only talked in the story book because it was a story! After realizing my silly mistake I picked up the frog and gave it a big, WET, JUICY kiss. It wasn’t long before I realized my frog wasn’t going to turn into a prince. I ran home in a mess of tears. I cried to my mom about how the frog I had kissed hadn’t turned into a prince. Well, she wasn’t so much concerned with how my dreams were crushed. She was too concerned with the “diseases and germs” that my prince charming was carrying. She rushed me off to the ER to be inspected.
Well needless to say, I spent the next few weeks with a fever, awful stomach aches, and not to mention I was spewing gunk out of every orifice of my body (both ends if you know what I mean…) I knew that this could not be the fairytale ending that the storybook had told about! But after my experience, I wasn’t too keen to try it again.

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