It’s unbelievable, this opossum problem we have in this home!  I mean, I’m the alpha dog here, the top Chihuahua, and this, this opossum comes strolling into my home again and again and helps himself to the fruit lying on the counter.  I’m not even allowed on that counter top, how dare he?!  And I have fleas now, thank you very much.  I’m an extremely clean dog, and this flea-ridden opossum walks right in, and now I’m infected.  It’s awful.  The itching is so bad I’m scratching and biting myself just to make it stop, and my people have to put special medicine on me, and it’s all the fault of this big, toothy creature.

So, how did he get in here in the first place?  He was digging up against the kitchen wall to make a den and just kept digging.  He must have thought he’d hit the mother lode.  Warm home, plenty of food, my water bowl.  Turns out he preferred hanging out in the cabinet under the sink, next to the dishwasher, of all places.  That’s where all the canned foods are kept, including my dog food!  He just comes out, helps himself to whatever he can find on the counter or the floor, and then retreats to his little cabinet.  Never mind the fleas, never mind the fact that this is my home.  He’s the worst uninvited house guest ever!

Oh, and the poop.  That is the biggest, smelliest stuff I’ve ever had the displeasure of sniffing, and believe me, I’ve sniffed plenty.  It’s the worst part about this opossum problem.  Big Rufus down the street ain’t got nothin’ on this thing.

I got blamed for some of the mess, at first, which was just unpleasant.  I would never behave so atrociously, so horrifically.  I’m house-trained, a proper dog, a clean dog, and still I got blamed.  Fortunately, my people figured it out pretty quick.  They called a service, a real professional wildlife removal service, and they came out and set a trap.  My people are lucky to have me, because I showed them right where the worst opossum droppings were, and barked at the cabinet long enough for them to realize that would be the best place to set the trap.

The night they set that trap, I was so excited.  I just knew we’d finally be rid of our opossum problem and be able to go on with our lives.  I curled up at my people’s feet and dreamt of taking the house back.  First thing the next morning, well, I took care of my business.  That’s what a trained house dog does.  But, the second thing the next morning, I was down in the kitchen, and barking my head off.  It had worked!  That sucker was stuck in the trap under the cabinet, sure enough.  The trapper was coming to remove it and I was getting my house back in order, the way it should be.