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Gopher Problems

Gopher sitting in a yard next to a gopher tunnel.

A gopher ruining your perfect yard.
(Artwork by Sharon Davis. Contact us for her contact info.)

We gophers just LOVE when you people try to take care of your gopher problems sometimes.  Gives us such a kick to watch you out there, standing over a hole and debating different ways to get rid of gophers.

Okay, so you wake up one morning to see we’ve had a huge party in your yard.  You had no idea that something so small could cost you so much money or cause such a big problem.  We may be little but we’re fast!  We’ll dig tunnels, burrows and put fan-shaped mounds of dirt all over your property.  Maybe your dog’s paw gets stuck in a hole and trips the big snuffler, or maybe it’s a horse hoof that lands in the hole.  Maybe you try to ignore us and break out the lawn mower.  Our little mounds of dirt can sure destroy those blades!

And, it’s not just our dirt piles that get ya.  How about gobbling up grass roots, uprooting other plants, tasting tree roots, feasting on flower roots and bulbs?!  What makes me laugh is that you wonder why we’ve moved in.  There’s too much food to pass up!!

So then you’re standing there, shaking your head, mad as heck that we’ve taken advantage of your generosity of greenery.  And the best solution you can dream up is to pour water down our tunnels?  Since none of us is named Noah, you think there’s no way we can survive your flood.  News flash – most of our burrows are higher than the tunnels, so we can still stay out of the way of the water.  Even if you get one or two of us, the rest of us can escape into our burrows or out another hole until it’s safe again.  Where does all that water end up?  Your basement, maybe?  Or the neighbor’s yard?  And, here’s the best part . . . you’ve made the dirt more soft and pliable.  Thank you!  It’s even easier to dig more tunnels, burrows and holes.  Hooray!

Some of you think gasoline is a better solution to your gopher problem than water.  Same question – where does all the gasoline end up?  Under your crops?  In a window well?  Your friendly neighbor’s yard?  Ooooh, you light it?  And do even more damage to your yard, huh?  Makes sense, sorta.  How about those who drive their truck onto the front lawn, stick a pipe onto the exhaust and the other end into a hole?  Here’s a thought – we have other holes that allow us to get out or gets more fresh air into the tunnel.  Kind of dangerous for you, not a big deal for us.

And gum.  Ah, gum.  We can’t resist a stick of peppermint, is that it?  We chew it, swallow it and die as it “gums” up our intestinal system?  Hate to break it to ya, but it’s never been proven to work, and you certainly can’t get all of us.

So, yeah, we just don’t take you seriously until we see a real professional walking around, someone who knows how to really get rid of a gopher problem.  Until then, it’s gopher giggles galore!

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