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Get Rid of Swallows

get rid of swallows
            We’d been trying to get rid of swallows over the last couple of weeks.  They were trying to build their nest right above our front door, and the mess was terrible.  Bird droppings and bits of mud just littered our door step.  So, we’d knock it down before they finished building the nest and sweep it away, just to have them come right back and start again the next day.  It was irritating, but we just had to be vigilant and get rid of the swallows’ nest every day before they finished.

            Then one day, I went into my laundry room to transfer the clothes from the washing machine to the dryer, and I was startled by hearing this rustling sound.  I have no pets or children, so the sound was unnerving.  Again, this scratching, scrabbling sound, a rustle, and then quiet.  Just gave me the creeps, especially since I was alone in the house, but I had to find out what was making that noise.

            I listened again, and figured out the sound was coming from behind the dryer.  I grabbed a broom, but really had no idea what I would do when I came face to face with whatever was making that noise.  I took a deep breath, wondering if I should wait until my husband came home.  “No, I’m a big girl and can handle this, whatever this is,” I told myself.  Crawling around the dryer, I squished myself into the small space between the wall and the appliance, scared something would come running out at me.

            But, nothing did.  And then I saw the strangest thing.  The dryer vent jumped.  I cracked my head on the shelf overhanging the dryer in my shock, and then composed myself again.  At least whatever it was, it was contained within the dryer vent.  Oh, crap!  It jumped again! 

            Okay, enough was enough.  I tossed the broom out of the room, and prepared to grab the dryer vent out of the wall and the dryer simultaneously.  Whatever it was, it was going to have to leave, and now.  Counting to three . . . then to five . . . then to ten, I finally jerked the vent hose free of both connections and held the ends together, the silvery hose forming a circle.  The bottom of the circle jumped and bounced, hitting my shins, but I kept the ends firmly together and marched out of that laundry room, up the stairs, and, realized I needed at least one hand to open the front door.  I maneuvered an elbow to undo the deadbolt, and then, with my two pinky fingers, managed somehow to open the door. 

            I took two steps out onto the porch and threw the entire silvery hose out into the front lawn, watching in suspense to see what would come out.  To my surprise, two swallows flew out of the hose and up into the tree, angry and terrified.  I hadn’t expected birds, and I didn’t expect them to be the very same birds trying to build a nest on our front porch.  Well, I was determined to get rid of swallows one way or another, and I guess they were just as determined to use my house, one way or another.

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