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Get Rid of Pigeons

get rid of pigeons       
     I’m not sure a certain British-singing-and-umbrella-flying nanny would be very happy with me for wanting to get rid of pigeons from the apartment complex I manage.  But, those little suckers make such a huge mess all over the balconies and walkways.  It definitely takes more than a spoonful of sugar to calm me down after spending a day cleaning up after them.  They get under the eaves to roost, hang out on the roof, the branches overhanging the cars in the parking lot.  Some of the tenants actually throw some bird seed out for them, and then complain to me about the mess they’re making! 

            It wouldn’t be so bad, but that stuff is toxic.  If you just let it sit for a while, it changes from a sticky gooey mess to a concentrated salt that can eat through concrete and make steel rust faster.  I would be so much happier if I could just get rid of pigeons instead of cleaning up after them all the time!

            I go down to the park adjacent to our complex and get so irritated at people tossing bread crumbs to the birds.  They’re just bringing more birds to the neighborhood.  The park is right in front of a beautiful church with gorgeous artwork, and the birds sit on the heads of the statues mocking us and pooping.  The beautiful artwork is ruined with streaks of white and black.  Every few years, the city’s parks manager gets people in there to clean it all up, but wouldn’t it be easier to just get rid of the pigeons?  I’m just saying . . .

            I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I have a totally different version of that fictitious nanny’s song, and it doesn’t make pigeons as charming as she thought they should be.  I’m begging my tenants to please, please stop feeding the birds!

Early each day to the apartment complex

The overworked manager comes

In my own special way to the people I call

Don’t buy that bag full of crumbs

Don’t feed the little birds

Shoo them away

And you’ll be glad if you do

Their young ones are hungry

But they won’t stay

If you don’t give them the food

Feed the birds, and you’ll get a mess

A huge mess, a gross mess, a nasty big mess

Feed the birds, that makes me cry

While overhead, the birds fill the sky

All around the apartment the people are parking

While pigeons are perched overhead.

Although you can’t see it,

You know they are smiling

Dropping the poop that they shed

Though my words are simple and few

Listen, listen, I’m calling to you

Feed the birds, and you’ll get a mess

A huge mess, a gross mess, a nasty big mess.

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