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Backyard Bluster

There’s nothing quite like making a fool out of yourself in front of your neighbors. Sure, they live right next to you, you probably see them quite often. So realistically, they’ve more than likely seen you humiliate yourself on more than one occasion. But I can assure you, there is nothing quite as embarrassing as finding out your neighbor saw you battling it out with your mortal enemy in your back yard. In your boxers. With a face mask.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. How on earth did I find myself in such a compromising situation? Well allow me to tell you. It was a Tuesday morning in mid-August. Normally on any other Tuesday, I would be at work. But I had taken the day off for a sort of “Self-Care” day. I had gone to bed early the night before, slept in a little, and made myself a hearty breakfast of strawberry crepes and bacon. After breakfast, I decided to treat my skin as well. So I found a DIY recipe online for an avocado face mask, meant to brighten and enhance the skin. I was relaxing on my day bed in my living room, when all the sudden I heard a crash outside!
I sprinted to the back door, armed with a metal broom. I peeked through the back door cautiously watching for the invader. THERE! I spotted him! A fat raccoon was digging around inside my trash cans looking for a treat. I threw open the door and ran outside baring my broom. I expected the raccoon to run off when he saw me! Much to my surprise, the animal attacked me! I began swinging the broom around, trying my best to keep the animal at bay. He was so fast I almost couldn’t see him. I thought I had lost the battle, when a well-aimed swing sent him flying across the back yard. He quickly scurried away after that. I smiled to myself smugly, proud of my survival skills. I turned to walk into my house and saw for the first time, the neighbors sitting on their deck. They had seen the whole ordeal. Not a single one was able to contain their laughter.

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